realized some resistances

This session shows the powerful, positive effects change can have in your life – if only we learn to embrace it, not resist it.
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missobsessive
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:20 pm

Post by missobsessive » Tue Jan 04, 2011 5:21 am

Hi :D

I've realized some of my resistances to practicing the skills and doing what I need to do to get out of this condition completely..

I procrastinate and resist writing in my journal.

I've noticed that I'm constantly thinking of other things I need to do, or I'm too tired to write in my journal (I like to write in it at night).

I've realized that with the whole journal thing, I have in the back of my mind the thought..what would someone think if they read this? I can't write that..I shouldn't write that..What if someone read it, what would they think?

It's like I have this inner editor on all the time, and I struggle to turn it off. No one around me would ever read my journal, but I don't know..I just have this in the back of my mind. The people I write about and what I say (not that it's even bad things) but just my thoughts about them..My mind says "geeze if they knew I was writing this right now, they would think I was so weird.

But I know I have to write in it because through applying the skills in the program, I keep having "aha moments" and new realizations all the time, and I know I need to write them down. I feel like I have a lot in my mind that needs out, but I still struggle with the "inner editor."

Has anyone else had this struggle?

Thanks for reading :p

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:20 am

Yes, I get that too sometimes. See if you can write knowing that you can burn or flush down what you wrote in the toilet. I know from experience journaling has helped me, but I do have a censor on some things that I wouldn't want others to know or wouldn't benefit from reading.

missobsessive
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:20 pm

Post by missobsessive » Sat Jan 08, 2011 2:14 pm

Thanks for posting!

Yeah, I keep that in mind. I also remind myself that it's good and okay to 'banish the inner editor' (I read that somewhere online).

And I keep reminding myself that it's my journal, it's there for me to write my thoughts in, no one is going to read it, and it's okay to write what's on my mind. That is what it's for.

After doing that and allowing myself to turn it off, my brain actually physically feels relieved. It's weird, haha.

Then I'll be able to write in it a lot for several nights in a row..then kind of fall back into resisting it again. But once I just take it out and start writing in it, and remind myself to ignore the editor, I'm good :)

I've also noticed that I really resist writing my negative thoughts down in the little notebook and replacing them. I don't know..I catch myself having the thoughts, but it's so hard sometimes for me to pull that little book out and write it down.

Do you or does anybody know how long it takes before you really start believing the positive side? Or how long it takes before you can really notice a different feeling?

I know it's probably different for everybody, but still curious.

Thanks for your reply Paislee :p

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:11 am

Yep, I don't really take out the little notebook, and part of it is because I have "stuff" piled on all the flat surfaces of my bedroom. It has just accumulated due to my first panic attack and dealing with that strange phenomenon! :D I've had to take meds that purposely keep blood pressure down so it keeps me down and I had to wean myself off of them. They are called Beta Blockers and you just can't go cold turkey on them, at least that is what my main Psychiatrist told me. He wasn't the one that put me on them.

This was all before I knew about Lucinda and her CDs. Anyway, I have my computer desk in a different room and I can take notes either on my computer or use a sticky pad. I have found that from previous workbook homework from Dr David Burns 10 steps to Self Esteem, I had many positive thoughts or counter thoughts already in my brain that just needed retrieving. ;)

You can start believing them right away! :) I can gage each day the changes I am feeling. Just by me weaning off the beta blockers, I had to start feeling anxiety symptoms. They went away as I took walks, ate healthy food, such as tuna on toast or eggs or turkey and stayed away from the sugar and sodium.

I'm also seeing a Psychologist, but not every week, like I did last year. So I'm adjusting to the new DR and his way of counseling which is good. He is a CBT and marriage counselor. So he is the one that helped me to push through my fear of having another panic attack and it really made a difference. Also he is working w/ me and my husband on a house project that is stressful to me. He figures this will be the best way or quickest way to work out our differences. He explained to DH that I suffer from G.A.D.

I hope this helps...:) P.

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