Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 5:59 am
I am not sure if this is the right forum for this post, but here we go.
Has anyone felt like a hipocrit after starting this program in regards to their relationship with their significant other?
I have been with my husband for 14 years (dating and marriage) and now that I have begun working this program, I feel myself changing. I will no longer put up with things I have in the past. I feel like I deserve more now and my children deserve more.
The problem is to be completely honest and fair, I have not been the easiest person in the world to live with before starting this program, therapy, medication, etc. In fact, I was a pretty miserable person with bouts of happiness since he has known me. But, he stood by me through it, most of the time. We did break up for a period of time when dating over my depression and then he had an affair during the second year of our marriage with my continued depression and other issues as part of the cause.
Now that I am on the road to recovery, I expect him to change with me. To stop the yelling, angrey behavior, the sarcasm, the hurtful language, the impatience, the frustration, basically anything negative about him. He says he stuck by me for over 14 years being the way I was and now I am giving him no time whatsoever to change before I possibly leave.
Am I being unfair like he says? I think because of the affair and other hurtful things he has done, I just expect him to jump when I say jump, but it doesn't work that way I know.
In the program Lucinda talks about we will find some people will not like the "new" us when we finish the program. What if that person is your spouse and the father of your children? How long do you give the people in your life time to adapt to the new you and to change things about themselves before you move on?
Has anyone felt like a hipocrit after starting this program in regards to their relationship with their significant other?
I have been with my husband for 14 years (dating and marriage) and now that I have begun working this program, I feel myself changing. I will no longer put up with things I have in the past. I feel like I deserve more now and my children deserve more.
The problem is to be completely honest and fair, I have not been the easiest person in the world to live with before starting this program, therapy, medication, etc. In fact, I was a pretty miserable person with bouts of happiness since he has known me. But, he stood by me through it, most of the time. We did break up for a period of time when dating over my depression and then he had an affair during the second year of our marriage with my continued depression and other issues as part of the cause.
Now that I am on the road to recovery, I expect him to change with me. To stop the yelling, angrey behavior, the sarcasm, the hurtful language, the impatience, the frustration, basically anything negative about him. He says he stuck by me for over 14 years being the way I was and now I am giving him no time whatsoever to change before I possibly leave.
Am I being unfair like he says? I think because of the affair and other hurtful things he has done, I just expect him to jump when I say jump, but it doesn't work that way I know.
In the program Lucinda talks about we will find some people will not like the "new" us when we finish the program. What if that person is your spouse and the father of your children? How long do you give the people in your life time to adapt to the new you and to change things about themselves before you move on?