Stress Center Peer Support

Hey everyone, I would first like to say hello and thank you to all that have helped me so far. I say thank you because I have been reading posts for the last 4 weeks and they have pulled me through some rough times so far. I have had anxiety since I would say around the age of 16, I am now almost 28. I was a worrier from as far back as I can remember though! Recently, about two months ago I started getting the spacey derealization feelings and it sent me to a whole new level of anxiety!! I guess I started judging my mental health at that point and just freaked after that! I have had a CT scan, EKG and all kinds of blood work for the physical stuff, also have seen a psychologist 4 times so far to try and cope as well as using the program. I must say that the feelings have really become less intense, but I still feel it along with some dizziness. I guess I am just trying to say that every time I start feeling better, I feel as if I should not be? Like I have been so messed up lately that there is no way that I can become normal without medication. Is it normal to feel this way?? Can I turn this around? My last appointment with the psychologist really turned me off because she said people with anxiety generally need the meds to have a better quality of life, that really pissed me off, she can not even write the perscription so she was not a pill pusher? The spacey feelings came from worrying about my health after a first time trip to a tropical place(and first time on a plane) and my mothers recent poor health as well. I have really taken advantage of this program and have really started to be able to drop some bad habits that have caused anxiety for years!! Do I sound like I have hope here?? I have already stopped asking myself most of the questions that come with depression (whats the point, why are we here, whats the general point of life?).... I really feel much better than a month ago, but will I keep falling down the dark hole?

Thank you for taking the time to read!!

Hugs to you.
No meds here and this program worked wonders for me -amazing results.
Put your heart and mind into it and BELIEVE!
Not saying that the meds are not helpful for many, but not an absolute necessity for all of us.
I was a mess with constant panic attacks, agoraphobia, bouts of depression, OCD, and many other negative behaviors.
New me, new life.
God bless and huge hugs to you!!!

Thank you for the fast replies, this place is so great!!

cindylou, did you have the Spacey feelings as well?

Hey Lift, the only way you will keep falling down the dark hole is if you keep telling yourself you will. You have already come a long way by stopping the questions, that is a big step. I got off prozac 5 wks ago and have been doing better than ever. I should say w/the exception of tonight and I know it is because I have had way too much caffeine today which is a huge trigger for me. I don't know what I was thinking(apparently I wasn't) but to be honest I plan on having a glass of wine to bring me down a bit. This forum is great for getting you through the rough spots, one of the reasons I came on tonight was to get myself in check as I can feel the anxiety coming on. It's weird cause I now know that I am causing it by what I am thinking so I am trying to use what I have learned from the program so far and just float w/it, not fight it. Stick w/the program, don't worry if you take your time getting through each week, I usually take up to 2 wks to go through 1 wks worth but I have learned so much. BTW, I saw a psychiatrist who pretty much told me the same thing, that I would always have to take meds to control my panic attacks. When I told him I wanted to look into more natural things, he pretty much laughed at me and said well, let me know when you come up w/something so I can tell everyone else and then snickered. You have to follow your own gut instincts. If you believe you can do this w/out meds, you can. Be positive, it really works.

LIFT,

I don't think your alone. I found this forum only a week or so ago and I have felt so much better since joining.

I really think I should get the program, but I know how I am sometimes and don't want to NOT follow through.

I am trying to beat this by getting rid of meds. I take a xanax as needed and the doctor recently prescribed me Lexapro and Ativan. He has no problem giving me pills and that is starting to upset me, but my wife says he is just trying to help me cope with the anxiety so I stop coming in for EKG's.

As for your feelings, I think I can associate them. Sometimes I am having a great day and when I realize I am having a great day, I wonder why I am having a great day and when will it go bad. Let me tell you, it does not take long for my day to go in the crapper after that.

Be strong, don't start the meds if you do not have to, I have resisted the Lexapro, but do take a Xanax when necessary though I try never to take them two days in a row (even though I can take them twice a day as needed).

I got some heavy duty meetings this week, many first appearances for me and I am thinking I will need the Xanax (and that is half the problem).

Keep up the good work and keep reading and posting!

Dear LIFT:

I am so sorry your psychologist said that to you - ITS WRONG. Unfortunately, there are theraists out there like that - however, NOT ALL THERAPISTS ARE LIKE THAT, lol - does that make sense? lol

Listen, I am recovered fr anxiety disorder. When my anxiety disorder TRIGGERED in April-2005, it was real bad. I had NEVER experienced any physical symptoms prior(I am 39yrs old). I initiated therapy w/ a psychiatrist. W/ in several initial & in depth sessions, I was diagnosed w/: anxiety disorder, panic attacks, & PTSD. In my particular case, it was so very extreme & bad, I was forced to not be able to work(1st time this ever happened in my life). I worked ft, lived on my own 10 yrs b/4 getting married & put myself thru college b/4 I got married - SO NOT WORKING OR NOT BEING ABLE TO WORK WAS VERY FOREIGN TO ME. I was paralized, restricted, & totally inhibited by fear & became totally dependant on my husband - another concept foreign to me: I WAS NEVER A NEEDY OR CLINGY WOMAN. As a result of the cumulativeness of my condition & state, I considered medication. I had never taken a med in my life. I had grown up in an area where drug abuse was rampant(sp) - I've seen GOOD PEOPLE'S lives ruined fr ILLEGAL & PRESCRIPTION DRUGS & MEDICATION. So, that put the fear of God in me a long time a go - TO NOT ABUSE OR DO DRUGS. So, I was reluctant about needing meds & my possibly becoming addicted.

I was very pro-active in it all. I discussed my concerns w/ my psychiatrist/therapist - & I told him what I wanted, "I don't want to be on meds forever. So, we will GO THERE, WHEREVER THAT IS - so this is not my forever". I agreed to go on a anxiety med - to help me get a grip so I could help me help myself & do the work necessary. I was never so medicated that I didn't feel anything. In addition, <span class="ev_code_RED">my psychiatrist was very strict w/ how he prescribed any & all meds. It was never at radom - lol, it was almost like getting grilled by the CIA OR FBI - hONEST. </span> I was prescribed CLONAZPAM 3x's per day - based on MY CONDITION. I also was experiencing SERVERE SLEEP DEPRIVATION as a result of my anxiety disorder. Even w/ taking the anxiety med, I was still only averaging 1-2 hrs of sleep per 24 hrs. Trust me when I tell you, it only made things worse. I discussed this w/ him & told him I needed help. I was prescribed a sleep aid. This was helping but not enough(again, based on my particular case). So, I was also prescribed an add'l sleep aid - making that 2 sleep aids. I WAS NOT LOOKING FOR A QUICK FIX OR AN INSTANTANEOUS CURE - I AM & WAS TOO SMART FOR THAT - I NEEDED HELP - I was willing to do whatever it took(lol, although in the beginning I didn't know what that was, lol). After a while(say 6mths after initiating therapy), I was able to drop 1 SLEEP AID, then 1 or 2 mths later, I was able to DROP THE OTHER SLEEP AID - LEAVING ME W/ ONLY THE ANXIETY MED. Simultaneously, as I progressed in my therapy & healing, my POTENTANCY & DOSAGE OF CLONAZAPAM changed as well. If I remember correctly, I think by that Oct-2005, I was dwn in potentancy & dosage(.5 only 2x's per day). I WANT TO SHARE W/ YOU LIFT: <span class="ev_code_RED">My therapist got to know me really well & as explained, he knew my desires w/ all & any medications. HE ALWAYS ALWAYS TOLD ME - "TAKE AS NEEDED: Lenore, as you address what you need to, heal & resolve - your ability & confidence will diminish the need for it." You see, IT WAS NEVER FOREVER & ALWAYS. He did tell me, "Ethically, as a dr I couldn't say it if I didn't believe it to be true, you will recover & you are capable. However, it will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life - & based on your background & facts, you will feel a lot of pain - in order to heal."</span>

My point in telling/sharing that w/ you - my psychiatrist didn't candy coat a darn thing, he was always honest/blunt/realistic/professional/responsible w/ all things me/meds/recovery. He told me, MEDS DON'T HAVE TO BE FOREVER - although it varies on a case by case basis based upon individual ability & all facts - it doesn't have to be forever.

<span class="ev_code_RED">Now, because I was forced to not be able to work - I applied for SSI - In NOV-2005, I had an appt w/ a FEDERAL GOV'T PSYCHIATRIST - the guy who evalutates me to see if I was saying the truth & evaluate my literal condition(in conjunction w/ all notes fr my therapist). LIFT, the appt was only 45 mins, if that. I was nervous as it was - never been through this & my anxiety(although progressing nicely) was still bad. Never the less, I was progressing & as a result, MY NEED FOR THE ANIXETY MED DECREASED(2x's per day). This guy asked me all sorts of questions - how, where, what, when, why - all things me/my anxiety disorder triggerins & some generic background info. I showed him my prescription bottle as prescribed by my therapist. Now remember, my therapist told me(after 8mths of getting to know me & my actual progress w/ anxiety disorder) TAKE AS NEEDED - which @ that time was 2x's per day - sometimes 1x per day. Well, this DIM WHIT said to me, "No, that is wrong. You should be taking the anxiety med 3x's per day no matter what & you'll have to take it forever." Well, initially I got a little rattled - "oh but this is what he told me & ..." - then I snapped out of it cause this guy was pissing me off to be honest. Sure, my emotions were a little out of whack - but I was smart as heck & 1 heck of a strong person. I regained my composure & told him, "this is what he informed me to do, based on my progress & our sessions. I displayed my anger a little, but totally composed. Well, hell - he must have thought I wasn't human, cause the min I displayed a sm variety of emotions that emcompass all humans, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID? "I think you are BI-POLAR - & you know, I can help you w/ that - I am probably better suited for you" - he was trying to play me for a fool & trying to manipulate the vulerable state I was in. Oh lord LIFT, lol I was getting mad. The final straw came, when we discussed my educational background. He goes, "so, you graduated H.S. & attended college right." I go, "no, I graduated college on the HONOUR SOCIETY w/ a 3.9GPA." This PERSON, lol - put his notepad & pen dwn - LITERALLY, looked at me w/ a look of shock & said, "YOU DID?" - like he was in total disbelief - I didn't know what kind of people he delt w/ but he never delt w/ me & I had enough. I said to him VERY ASSERTIVELY & STERNLY, "Listen, I can imagine what type of people you deal w/ - they are not me. I know you look for folks lying - I am not. Common sense tells you, you have a young lady who was on her own since HS: graduated, secured an apt, worked FT, eventually went on to college & graduated the top of her class & ALL OF A SUDDEN, BAM - something happens that she inhibits her ability to work. Common sense should tell you SIR, a person trying to get over or who is lazy - WOULD NOT HAVE THE CREDENTIALS I do. In addition, I find it hard to believe, that YOU-IN 45 MIN'S can make an analysis/evaluation GREATER than the psychiatrist I had been seeing for the last 8 or 9 mths - a psychiatrist who has 30+ yrs experience & 1 of the single largest practices in NJ - YOU CAN'T. I know you are expected to look for reasons to allow the gov't TO DENY - therefore, you fill out that paperwork & send it back to them & GODDA.N deny me - I don't care & I won't appeal - because this ain't about money - this is about my recovery & me getting my life back - so, I don't give a DARN what you do". </span> W/ that LIFT - I literally got up & walked out on him. LOL, it was so funny cause hubby was in this guys waiting area & I came out mad & said LETS GO - poor guy was so confused. I GOT APPROVED

My point(long 1 @ that I know, lol )is there are unscrupulous(sp)people out there. Yes, even drs. I may have been in a severe state back then - but I didn't have STUPID written on my FOREHEAD. This guy was trying to play me for a fool & I was no fool. He was attempting to GET PERSONAL BUSINESS & him recommending me staying on meds forever would mean MY NEED FOR HIM FOREVER = BUSINESS FOREVER. HELL NO - I told my hubby(doing a DBLE SNAP & A TWIRL) - "thank God he ain't my therapist".

Now, everyone is different. Yes, anxiety meds don't have to be forever. However, there may be factors that contribute to an individuals need to stay on anxiety meds for a longer period of time - those factors, for ex, may me: state of anxiety(debilertaing), conceptual ability to grasp for ex the teachings of this program, grow & change in order to heal. Then there is the WILLINGNESS TO HEAL/GROW/CHANGE/EVOLVE - there are some, in absolute all honest RESPECT who want the easy way out - who don't want to do the work necessary.
EX: I have this neighbor lady who is way to forward w/ her business & well, a royal pain. Anyhow, I know cause she has told me "she takes anxiety med 2-3 x's per day". She is a housewife w/ a teenage daughter whose hubby is a police officer. I live in 2 family home: upstairs & them dwnstairs. I've lived here for 2 yrs & have seen more than I care to admit involving them dwnstairs. She has exteme mental & emotional issues - clearly displayed via her extreme actions & behavior. She can't see it - she accepts it as her norm - it is her way of life - it is who she is, she doesn't know better. Sadly & unfortunately, no one in her family tells her she should go to therapy - she needs therapy. Rather, she'd rather just POP A PILL - GET THAT QUICK FIX & GO ABOUT HER DAY & LIFE. This lady is 50 yrs old, set in her ways & so far removed fr what is HER REAL CONDITION/STATE - she is unable @ this point to go about it w/o meds.

I am not necessarily an advocate for MEDICATION - no. I am an advocate for YOU DOING ALL IN YOUR POWER TO RECOVER - make it your priority - become informed, be proactive - read the books, do the PROGRAM, ask the dr's info - they are there to help you. Now, if no meds are your choice that is fine cause that is your choice. If, however, your DECISON to not take meds is out of fear of BECOMING ADDICTED OR TAKING THEM FOREVER - than I'd say RECONSIDER. Medication doesn't have to be forever, I am proof of that. <span class="ev_code_RED">I haven't taken an anxiety med since Dec-2006. I haven't taken a sleep aid in gosh, well over 1 1/2+ yrs.</span>Medication gave me that initial grip I desparately needed so I could help myself & do the work necessary. Whatever your decision is, pls know this: IF THAT THERAPIST IS TELLING YOU THOSE THINGS, I WOULD CONSIDER GETTING ANOTHER THERAPIST.

LENORE

I have to agree with Cindy 110%. Meds aren't a bad thing, but not necessarily a requirement to get better for everyone. I only did this program, was never on any anxiety or depression meds. So, it is very possible for you to feel better w/o taking meds. However, if you truly feel that they will benefit you for a small amount of time, please speak to your dr. about prescribing something. It doesn't make you any weaker or the like to have to use these medications for a while in order to help you get through. There's no shame in that.

Everything you've mentioned, I think we've all been through at one time or another. You definitely aren't alone.

Best of luck to you.

Wow Lenore, that is quite a story and I say good for you sticking up for yourself that way. I swear some doctors are way out there and we have to be able to judge that to a certain extent. I would like to tell you that if I was not feeling better I would for sure try the medication, I just feel that I have made quite a bit of progress in a small amount of time, I just keep having set backs though!! I know everyone on here can probably say they have had set backs, but I just needed some reassurance....

I would also like to thank the others for the kind words, it all helps, believe me!!!

Lift,
Yes, I did and also the rapid thoughts racing in my head some nights that just didn't want to turn off. That was usually during very high stress times.
Each set back will help you to get stronger in the long run. We learn from them and it's also reassuring afterwards that we CAN get past each one.
Life is good now, often great and so much more peaceful within me. Have faith, you can make this work.

Hugs.