Stress Center Peer Support

I am having such a hard time with assertiveness. I have expressed this in previous posts. I am so emotional and always on the verge of tears. I just returned from my sons little league where i could feel myself fighting back the tears. i just stand there all alone and no one is friendly to me. I have to try so much harder so i don't look so awkward. it hurts how people can be so cold. I see how the coaches pick favortites and treat my 9 yr. old like crap I think. Hardly ever play him and on and on. i don't scream for the game alot because im so focused on my surroundings. I do not like this about me and beginning to wonder if i need medicine to keep me from being so sad and emotional. I worry constantly and always about how others view me. I just feel so out of place and have no friends and just found out my husband is leaving to afghanistan. I am really scared how can i parent being this insecure. Is this from something in my childhood. My mom was divorced and dad was an alcoholic and lived in another state. I don't know what to do and why do I cry and let others hurt me always. I have even thought of having a drink before a game so I am not so uptight and feeling so awkward. wrong choice I know. It doesn't helped that i have had a migraine. Is there something wrong with me that i get hurt so easy and am sensitive to others and can't even defend myself.people walk over me always and i am 42. I don't want my kids to be this way i worry i am teaching them to be self consious and insecure.

Ali, sorry no one has replied to you. Hope i can be of some help. First of all, have you talked to your doctor about an antidepressant, no one should be crying all the time. is there a friend that would go to theball park with you?And please don't take the drink, believe me, you will end up feeling like crap for doing it, I did. With your husband leaving, i really think you need to talk to your doctor about the antidepressant, because it will probably get worse when he leaves. Good luck, and I will be praying for you.

Thank you so much Rhonda for replying. I had a rough day yesterday and needed the encouragement. I am embarressed to say I really have no friends here. We have lived here almost 3 yrs. I talk to people at the bus stop taking my kids to school but just chit chat. It is so lonely and my family doesn't always understand if I call and say little things. It is so painful to be so insecure and unable to stick up for myself but i am keeping the faith that I do will eventually get there. I want too I just have to find the right tools. I won't take the drink I just felt so desperate like maybe it would relax me but I won't do it. I am afraid of anti depressants and am starting to realize I probably do need something because I shouldn't get down so easy and emotional. I really appreciate you taking the time to give some advice it means alot. Thanks for the prayers and God Bless.

Ali,

I'm sorry you are feeling so low - I do think you should talk to your doctor about this. BUT - it is also natural to feel down and depressed if you have no friends! Friendship is extremely important for our well-being - and I would suggest that as a military spouse, you can start by joining the American Legion Auxiliary. They are an organization for the spouses, mothers and daughters of servicemen, and I think you can find a lot of support there. They do great work for veterans in hospitals and military families, so you would probably meet a lot of women in your own situation.

Also - do you work out? It is really helpful for the mood, and it's another place where you can get the chance to meet people on a casual basis, but not feel alone since most others are by themselves there anyway. You could also join a yoga class - wonderful for lowering stress, boosting the mood in a natural way and meet new people.

Best of luck!
Arwen

ali...Since, you don't have any friends and are alone, then, I think that it is natural to feel lonely.

I think this "alone" feeling is getting to you, and that is why you are taking everything else that is going on around you so personal!!!

It is no fun being alone. It is healthy to have some alone time, but, not to have too much alone time!!!

I think that you need to take Arwen's advice!!!
Please find some way to inter-react with other people. Join an organization or something...

You do not have to live your life this way. There are too many people in this world. You need to learn how to reach out to others, in person, in the same way that you are reaching out here on the forum.

Try to find something to occupy your mind. This gives you less time to think and "obsess" over things...

I think everyone feels lonely, at times. But, to live life lonely, is not good for your mental well being!!!

Use your imagination to come up with ways to connect with others. If you drive, then, go out to local restaurants, try being really outgoing...Strike up a conversation...Get to know people!!!!

Again...I am sooo sorry that you are so lonely. Remember, loneliness is just like any other negative feeling that we possess. Try "embracing" that unpleasant feeling, and distracting yourself, and I bet it will lessen it's life-span!!!

If I can be of further help to you...Just let me know...God Bless

[Arwen,
Thank you so much for helping me out with some great advice. I just haven't had alot of luck meeting people since we moved here. I have always had friends before and figured oh well we won't be living here forever, etc. but now my husband is deploying and here I am. I will face this journey with my kids and the support I am getting here and from my family. They all live out of state but do call me. I haven't talked to my doctor yet since I am waiting on bloodwork to come back. I honestly am afraid of taking an anti depressant. I have started excercising and taking fish oil. Do you know anything about natural supplements. I also would like to do yoga. I have the wii fit with yoga and basic stretches. I just thank you for your reply and I hope to beat this with all you. I am still on session 3. Take Care. wasQUOTE]Originally posted by Arwen:
Ali,

I'm sorry you are feeling so low - I do think you should talk to your doctor about this. BUT - it is also natural to feel down and depressed if you have no friends! Friendship is extremely important for our well-being - and I would suggest that as a military spouse, you can start by joining the American Legion Auxiliary. They are an organization for the spouses, mothers and daughters of servicemen, and I think you can find a lot of support there. They do great work for veterans in hospitals and military families, so you would probably meet a lot of women in your own situation.

Also - do you work out? It is really helpful for the mood, and it's another place where you can get the chance to meet people on a casual basis, but not feel alone since most others are by themselves there anyway. You could also join a yoga class - wonderful for lowering stress, boosting the mood in a natural way and meet new people.

Best of luck!
Arwen[/QUOTE]

Ms. T Bones,
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.
I will try and get more involved. I am so shy and hard on myself. Do you have any suggestions. I do talk to people and try to be personable. I just think to much about what other people think of me and worry to much. People always say why do you care, honestly I don't know why. I just want to be secure and get over this anxiety, depression and somewhat agoraphobia. I read your posts and see how positive you are and I am hanging in there. I will do anything to get better and be a better wife and mom to my children. I want the best for them and for them to not be self consious or insecure.... I am struggling with the negative thoughts and start off great and then they sabotage me and bring me down. I get so tired and just want to take naps to escape the feelings of everything. That is no quality of life and I feel like I miss out on so much. I try to stay busy but get so drained, is that part of the panic attacks and anxiety, etc. I am always open for advice and can't thank you enough for giving me the extra push to get out there and get involved. This forum has really helped me and I feel like I at least have friends here. I don't feel so alone or like I am the only one dealing with all of this. I feel like the sessions are alot of work and alot to remember but you know what, I don't want to live like this anymore. I am on the road to recovery if I could just learn the tools I need for life skills.
Sorry to make this so long. I appreciate everything and God Bless. Keep up the Great work.

ali...You definitely are not alone on this forum!!! Do you have the program? If so, please do it!!!! If not...try and purchase it!!!

You need to learn how to accept those emotions. After all, they belong to you!!! I know they are very unpleasant, but, if you try and embrace them, then, you will cut their life-span in half, if not more.

We can not run from our own selves. We need to embrace our emotions with all of our being!!!

Just say to yourself...I feel very uncomfortable right now, but, I choose to accept this feeling with all of my being!!!!

Remember to replace those negative thoughts with more positive realistic thoughts. Do your deep breathing exercises, and listen to your relaxation CD!!!

Google all the positive things you can come up with on the internet...Type in...Inspirational videos or slideshows...Type...Relaxation videos or slideshows...

Surround yourself with positivity!!! Google loneliness on the internet!!! The internet sure can give you some valuable insight...

Do not sit and dwell on your misery. Focus on the positives in your life. See your cup as half-full, instead of half-empty!!!

Google..attitude...Learn how to change your attitude towards yourself, others, and life in general!!!

I pray this helped...God Bless

Try to place some humor in your day. Everyday, read something funny. Do something funny or silly. Act silly...Dance...Read the humor section of this forum, often...

Find something funny yourself to add to the humor section. Google until you find what you think is funny.

Reach out to others. Smile...Pray...Read the Bible or Biblical Scriptures on the internet...

Take a warm cozy bath...Place candles around your tub!!! Baby yourself to death!!! Put on some good smelling body lotion...Relax...Relax, and then Relax some more!!!!

You can do this...I know you can...I am here for you, and I believe in you...You are not alone, although, you may feel alone.

We are all here for one another...God Bless

hi, i was reading your post, and found I could really relate with you. my husband is in military too. I am very shy,havent made any friends this time around, I am 42, although I hate to admit that. I have two kids and I always feel alone. In fact I am sitting here with a frigin holter monitor on because few weeks ago I thought I was having a heart attack so they are trying this to see if I have any heart palpatations. I saw a informercial on tv about this program, I havent purchased it yet, I am always the sceptic but I found this forum and I am hoping it will help. Anyways I just felt like i could relate with you, especially the baseball game etc, please know I am here...if you would like to talk!