Stress Center Peer Support

Sorry this is gona be kinda long. I had alot of anxiety/depression problems as a child. Had a bit of a tough time from about age of 7 - teens. My family went through poverty and loosing 2 babies in this space of time, as well as other problems; and my mum and dad kinda took it out on me and my brother a little bit; on top of this I was a victim of bullying (psychological rather than physical) through majority of my school life. Showed signs anxiety/depression mid childhood. Attempted suicide a couple of times at 12 and suffered from anorexia/panic attacks and night terrors between the age of 13 and 17. All these problems seemed to resolve themselves. Leaving school and working helped. My mum had a baby shortly before my 18 birthday, which bought our family closer together and there was less rows at home. Also myself and my brother sat down with my mum and dad and had a big talk about the past and my mum and dad hadn't realised the effect some of their small (aswell as larger) actions had on us and all issues were resolved between all of us.
I moved from my home in the UK to Ireland at 18 (by myself) to start a new life for myself. This may sound stupid, but my life couldn't be much better at the moment. I'm very close to my family and travel to the UK to see them regularly; I have a thriving career which is a job I've always wanted to do and love doing it, and I'm my own boss; I have a lovely partner who I live with and there's no problems with our relationship (we have never argued, we're both laid back and communicate really well), I have no money problems and a good social life. My life is going in exactly the direction I want it to and I'm actually really happy. Yet over the past 18 months I have been developing some anxiety problems and don't understand why. I had very bad sleeping problems that started over a year ago, they got a bit better when I moved house last year (I think this was because it was very noisy at my previous house) but about 6 months ago I started suffering from nightmares. They are fairly regularly once a week at least and every now and then I go through fazes of them being everyday for a week or 2. They always wake me up and half of them I would wake up screaming and shouting and in a panic. I was diagnosed with IBS last year, and the symptoms have quite an effect on my life. I have also developed claustrophobia and a fear of being surrounded my people (I can be in a crowded place as long as the people arn't very completly surrounding me and very close to me). When I try to remember some of my childhood my mind kinda blocks some of it out and other memories seem to make me feel very upset or very angry. As I never properly spoke to someone (as in someone proffesional or with an outside perspective) could it be that some of the issues and memories (or lack of them) from my child hood could be causing the problems? I don't actually feel stressed, but conditions have been linked to stress by my doctors, so I feel it could be something underlying. Would I be best to perhaps talk to someone?

Hatemybloat,

I believe that our subconscious mind blocks things that are/ were very painful experiences from our memory, it is a protective mechanism. Some things that happen to us in childhood can be submerged deep in our subconscious. We start to experience anxiety, depression, or anger, and we can't put a finger on why. This is our mind, trying to alert us through dreams/nightmares, of something that is just too hard to face in waking times, and/or alone.
When I was 4 years old I was sexually molested by a cousin. He was 15 at that time. My mother caught him, but I was the one that got in trouble. My mother started hitting me and yelling. My subconscious did not let me remember this for years. I had nightmares of a little girl huddled in a corner, hiding her face and a shadow of a woman looming over her. I would wake up ina sweat,and crying. This nightmare occurred for many years. When I was 38 yrs old, I was attacked and raped outside of my townhouse. This dream/nightmare was relentless. I finally worked up the courage to ask my mom, if I was molested as a child and punished for it. She told me of the situation described earlier. I asked why I was the one punished, and all she said was " she dealt with it the only way she knew how". so, yes what your experiencing could very well be memories trying to come out of the dark. They are painful, and your conscious mind and body are not up to coping.
I wish you luck and I will keep you in my prayers. Let me know how things are going.

I have nightmares off and on myself and I too was psychologically bullied as a small child. I believe that things that happen to us as children definitely come back to us later in life. Especially when things are going good and we're 'getting what we want' in life.

I wonder if it is because we are happy and probably more relaxed that our subconscious realizes it is time to let the old emotions come out so that we can deal with them.

I found that going to a therapist really helped me deal with a lot of my childhood things. Just seeing them for what they were at the time. Me a child that wanted acceptance and the two girls that picked on me doing something that they thought was fun. I have stopped putting my adult thoughts onto a child's situation and that seems to help too.

It's not easy - it is hard, but it is worth it. I hope this helps you know that you're not in this alone!
Ronda