Stress Center Peer Support

i'll apologize in advance for going off on a rant, but i am having a particularly anxious day and don't know what to do with myself.. maybe somebody here will be able to relate to some of this (not that i would wish it upon even my worst enemy!) i would be really grateful to anyone who puts in the time to read all of this..

i have been having a really terrible time lately. i'll spare you guys some of the details, but i moved out to seattle in february from pittsburgh (where i have lived pretty much my whole life) and things are just not working out. i honestly hate it out here. i miss my family, i haven't been able to make friends, i'll be out of a job on the 19th when my contract ends, have missed nearly a year of school (nonresident tuition is too high), having marital problems due to financial trouble and other things.. its like everything has just been going wrong and getting worse since i moved here. we spent all our wedding money to get out here and it was a huge mistake. i wish i had a time machine so i could take it all back. we're planning on moving back to pittsburgh (probably in a few months) but i don't see how we're going to be able to afford that. every day i wake up and i feel like i am a tourist trapped in the worst vacation ever. i just don't belong here, at all.

what i really want to talk about are my physical problems. i want to know if anyone else has anything like this.. i feel so distressed and alone and confused over it.. for the past few months, i have been having these weird symptoms. its like a combination of heartburn, indigestion, chest discomfort/fullness, a lot of belching or feeling like i have to belch but nothing comes out, some nausea, and a feeling like i am having trouble breathing/can't always get a deep enough breath. i am obsessed with my breathing now, conscious of every breath, monitoring if the breath is deep enough or not. i worry that i'll lose the ability to breathe enough and just pass out. but its almost a constant thing. its not that i'll be anxious about something and then the breathing thing will happen. it just happens. i've read up on this and its called "dyspnea" but i don't know what is causing mine. there are a lot of potential causes. so the combination of my dyspnea and the acid reflux type symptoms just make my entire chest area one big uncomfortable mess. i am a complete nervous wreck about it. i feel like i am going to lose my mind. it follows me around day and night.

i *finally* got health insurance recently (my mom saw how sick i felt and was nice enough to pay for it)and i have had three visits with a gastroenterologist. he did an upper gi series and barium swallow but they came back normal. he finally got my medical records from pittsburgh (i have a history of acid reflux and eosinophilic esophagitis - a type of allergy, had an endoscopy two years ago). he does not see a need to do another endoscopy. he has me taking protonix but doesn't see the need for me to stay on it too long. he just prescribed me clairitin for the eosinophilic esophagitis. i haven't taken it yet and am kind of afraid of having side effects, but i don't know what else to do. i want these symptoms to improve.

i saw a primary care doctor for this but she was not very helpful at all. i talked about my anxiety but she doesn't prescribe xanax, though i used to take it before and i really need it again.. don't want to take any antidepressants or anything long-term. just something for the anxiety that is obviously being caused by my health problems/stressful life situation.

honestly i am at the end of my rope here. i would not kill myself because death terrifies me and i'd never hurt my husband/family like that.. but i am feeling so desperate and low. i don't know what to do. i feel sick and awful every day, can't escape it. i've developed what is probably a serious drinking problem. i just want to know if anyone has ever had these kind of symptoms, or any advice for me.. i am considering calling up this anxiety center i found online to maybe find a therapist and a psychiatrist so i can get xanax, maybe get into some sort of treatment program.. problem is i'll most likely be in pittsburgh for the holidays so i couldn't really start until january. another problem is the physical problems. i don't know if its acid reflux/e.e., maybe i have asthma, maybe its something very serious?? i am thinking of maybe seeing a naturopathic doctor as i haven't been having much luck with my current ones..

if anyone has any sort of insight or advice, i would appreciate it so much. my life has sort of become a living hell. i just want to make things better and i keep trying but i just don't know how.

Hello,

First off, I am so sorry you are feeling so down, it is hard to move across the country and start over.
As far as your physical symptoms, I have had most of them, acid reflux, nausea, chest discomfort, it is all related. My doctor also put me on protonix, I found that to help, but that created much more gas, that is one of the side affects of that med. It helped alot with the nausea. My doctor told me that acid reflux is a very common symptom with people who suffer from anxiety disorder.
I also was so concerned about my breathing, always checking my pulse, and having the feeling I was going to stop breathing at any moment. I now realize that all these physical symptoms are related, and my thing was, once I was convinced that is was anxiety, and that one would go away, the next one would pop up, it is a viscious circle.
I just want you to know you are not alone, and I hope you are able to go back home, because this seems to be the cause of your stress.

Take care,
Debbie

hey debbie, thank you for your response! i would have never thought that anxiety could contribute to such severe physical symptoms until i experienced it myself. its such a struggle to deal with this every day. i can only hope that if i start back up on the attacking anxiety program, keep up with my doctors and try to take care of myself (eat better, exercise, meditate, etc), that maybe this can improve eventually.. its hard because i have somatoform disorder in addition to the panic disorder, so the physical symptoms just keep on coming.

First of all I feel your pain. I didnt even have to read your whole post to know exactly what you are going through. let me tell you alittle about myself. i was born and raised in Los Angeles. I have had anxiety all my life but it didnt get unbarable until I got maried and moved to Michigan. I have been living there for 2 years and havent made a lot of friends due to my extreme anxiety and panic. I have all the body symptoms you have. As far as other symptoms like obssessing over your breathing that is my number one most uncomfortable body syptom. We are so hypersensative to whats going on in our body that we are constantly checking in with our breathing to make sure that we are breathing good and that actually is what makes our breathing worse. Breathing is an involuntary response that is natural and you wont stop breathing even though the way it feels is so unconfortable and scary. Another thing that will make you feel like you arent breathing good is the tightness in your stomach. when we take deep breath they come from the diaphram which means you have to expand the stomach. I used to think when I couldnt get a deep breath in that it was my lungs but really your lungs are fine its just the the stress you feel in your stomach makes it feel like you cant get a deep breath. So your fine its just a scary feeling. My suggestion is to definately do a lot of relaxationg to keep your muscles loose. There are some great natural remedies for Acid Reflux that might bring you some much needed relief. What I do is get a cup of hot water and put a tablespoon of apple cider vinager and honey to taste and that usually makes me feel better. You are definitely not alone. I feel like recovery involves a combination of things. I Did the attacking anxiety program, I had Counselor, I took medicine, I have an exercise program, I change the way I eat, and a good support system is key. feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Breathing is an involuntary response that is natural and you wont stop breathing even though the way it feels is so unconfortable and scary.

Another thing that will make you feel like you arent breathing good is the tightness in your stomach. When we take deep breath they come from the diaphram which means you have to expand the stomach. I used to think when I couldnt get a deep breath in that it was my lungs but really your lungs are fine its just the the stress you feel in your stomach makes it feel like you cant get a deep breath.

This is all SO true. The number one thing to remember is that breating IS an involuntary response. The only way you will stop breathing is if you volundarily hold your breath (which none of us will do). No matter what, you will always keep breathing!

I know exactly how you feel. I have had anxiety problems for almost 10 years (I'm 28 now) and there have been times when all of my physical symptoms seemed like a dark cloud over me every minute that I was awake. You may also feel free to pm me anytime as well. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone is such a relief.

Hang in there and just keep swimming!

Great thread!
Im in Respiratory school and we talk about how different chemical reactions in your body affect your breathing. The turn for me with learning how not to react to body symptoms was when an old counselor and I got on the internet and researched what happens to any animal(human too, not to offend anyone) when their fight or flight is activated, the chemical reactions in the body are nearly identical, its just that ours turns on pre-maturely or gets activated for the wrong reasons. Lookn up the Sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system, it is also very discriptive on what happens to the body during fight or flight. The symptoms are ingrained in us to happen in the event of a real danger, Its hard to remember this though when we are in the middle of it.

<span class="ev_code_BROWN">Those feeling about not being able to breath are difficult to deal with just having anxiety. Myslef I have the pleasure of alsobeing diagnosed years ago with asthma. So as soon as I get upset my asthma kicks in and then the anxiety kicks in then it gets hardER to breath, then the anxiety doubles. So it is doubly hard for me to control the panic.

Not impossible just harder. I am at my 3rd lesson and I know it will be hard but my control is getting better. So I realize that time will be my hero. And my safe place, a gorgeous island waterfall with warm breezes, sweet smelling flowers, electic blue sky with huge fluffy white clouds, and prestine white sand beaches and clear blue ocean waters. And bird song ringing in the air.</span>

Wow. I went through the same thing as you! We used all our money to move to another state, and it did not work out at all! We could not find work, or suitable housing, and ended up living in a basement apartment where I was sure I would die. I spent the entire day pacing the floor with the phone in my hand waiting to call the looney-bin. I also started drinking every night. We stayed for 9 months, and finally just moved back home..each of us with our separate parents!!! It was pretty bad. We had no money. It was over a YEAR before we could move back in to our own place. In the meantime, I went back to college. I've had all your symptoms, and many more. There was a time when it was so bad, I would take a Benydryl just to calm down. Also, I began watching Joyce Meyer everyday and that helped alot.