Stress Center Peer Support

I had a panic attack last night, after not having one for a month and a half. The entire month and a half I worried about when the next one would be, so as you can imagine, I finally had one (apparently I am still scared of them, despite the fact I've been trying to tell myself that I'm not) And although it wasn't as bad as the last big one I had, it still really disappointed me, because I thought I was doing well with panic attacks. Now today I wake up and I feel a combination of sadness and exhaustion. I have to work today and I'm thinking "how?" All I want to do is give up and spend the rest of eternity in my bed not caring. I know this negative attitude is creating the problem, but how can you possibly be positive after a half-hour long gripping panic attack. Now all I'm worried about is having one again, because honestly, I feel so out of control now. I feel like every step forward I had made, means nothing. I know it's not realistic to lie in bed for the rest of my life not working and I have to go to work, because if I don't, I will then become even more of a victim to panic attacks and it's going to be even harder to go to work. What's that saying, "When you fall off the horse, get back on it" or whatever.

I had a dream last night I was talking to Lucinda and she kept saying "You don't have to have another panic attack again!" and I kept saying "How?" Well how? How is this possible? How do I do that?

I just really need some advice today so I can pick myself up and keep going. I'm feeling so discouraged and depressed right now, I don't know how I'm going to leave my bed. (I'm on a laptop) I feel really like I have made progress, but why did I have a panic attack again? After everything I've learned and tried to retain... why?

Karilynn

I don't know if I will say anything of much help but first of all, go back and check your diet. Caffeine, sugar, etc... If you can't pinpoint anything with that, try to think of what's going on in your life. Any big changes? Is something bothering you? I have to say, I haven't had a panic attack in a long time (but I know they are soooo awful), but when I look back at the times in my life that I was having many of them, I see the reasons that fueled them. But, really, that doesn't matter as much as you telling yourself "So what, I had the worse panic attack ever, I am not going to let this scare me..." You need, as hard as that is, to not be afraid of these, b/c like you know, that is what fuels them too. Take care of yourself, believe in yourself, I know you'll get past this, you have to know it too.

Hi Karilynn,
Please try to stop being so hard on yourself. So you had a panic attack. You made it through it. So should be proud of yourself that you tried to talk yourself out of it. If it was so easy won't everyone be "cured" from this? Find peace that you aren't just giving up. It is much eaiser to give up. Maybe it feels like a set back but when I read your post I felt that you were making an improvement. Remember no one is perfect! Your in my thoughts. Have a nice day!

I just posted about falling off the horse and how desparate I feel. I can't give much advice at this point, but feel free to read my other post. Maybe when can relate. For now I just pray that God holds you in the palm of His hand while this passes. Beverly

When you are ready, Karilynn, put yourself in situations that create anxiety for you. Life is not about not having anxiety attacks. It's about living inspite of them. You did not have a failure. You do not need to be disappointed. I hail you and encourage you to have more attacks. The more you have them the less you will be afraid of them. The less you are afraid of them, the less you have them. And, when you have them you bounce back more quickly. Do you see the process, Karilynn. I'd be telling myself: GOOD GIRL. THIS ATTACK IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED YOU TO HAVE. I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE EXPERIENCE AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN. GREAT JOB. ONLY THIRTY MINUTES? NOT BAD AT ALL!

You'd better be patting yourself on the back and get yourself out of bed so you can experience it more today.

Bless you.

Karilynn,
If you look at the bottom of Boon's post you will see that she/he has been in the program since 2006. That made me perk up over her advice. I think each of us will continue to experience opportunities to have panic attacks so we can use the tools we are learning to get better. I hope you feel better soon and keep it together at work today.

Hi Karilynn,

Let me offer you some hope too. I worked the program 4 years ago and lately my old symptoms have crept back in. For the last 3 weeks I've been suffering panic attacks and general anxiety. The first thing I did was to accept it because to fight it is futile. I am bringing this on myself because of negative thinking patterns. The next thing I did was to get the program back out and start in again. I am getting myself informed from other books and am seeing a therapist again. I've also seen the doctor for some stomach IBS symptoms. My spouse is aware of it and is there for me. I've also spoken to people on the chat room. In other words, I got people. But of course I must do the work- it's up to me.

I find myself now needing to push out there again to do things that became so common place I didn't give it a second thought. I have good days and bad days. But one thing to hold on to is this: What I'm going through is just a growth spurt and it is only temporary. It will end. Every panic attack always ends and as my nerves heal and my perspectives change more positively things WILL get better.

One trap to not fall into is to seek to be comfortable. If you are always trying to be comfortable you will end up avoiding things. In fact, I am seeing (again) that going toward the panic is the way to go because it forces me to face my symptoms. When I do this I have the opportunity to change my self talks and feel the panic peak out, then fall. I am left sometimes feeling shaky and even a little drunk, dizzy or off balance. Of course I would- reacting with panic makes you feel a little weird, right? It doesn't make me a weirdo though lol. But the cumulative effort of these steps out gain me back some lost real estate plus allows me to lose more and more tension that tends to build up to these events.

So, it is just a matter of time. Take your time, stay in the present moment, do what you need to do to heal yourself because that's in your power. You can do it!

Karilynn:
Give yourself some credit-- you went a month and a half without a panic attack! Once I had a dream that I was about to have a panic attack, and I told myself "NO! And I started the slow 2-4 abdominal breathing." And my therapist said that when you are dreaming about it, it means you have really internalized it. So I think it is encouraging that you were talking to Lucinda in your dream. You must have internalized a lot already. How long have you been doing the program? Did you do "Anticipatory Anxiety" yet? It sounds like for 6 weeks you were "anticipating" when/how bad the next panic attack was going to be. And so it happened, it's over, so what. You are already moving forward...

Hey Karilyn! I always call the moments and days after a panic-attack a panic attack hangover! (that made me smile even though I know their is NOTHING funny about these feelings) Now, its not the actual attack that freaks me out, it is the days after...when you havent had them for a while, and they suddenly hit you again, you analyze the crap out of your feelings! You suddenly feel shaky and then you deep down think, "this time may be different, I wont snap back to normal"...but Karilyn, we do! As tired as we get, we are smart people and we are fighters...even when on the inside we feel like goo. I am also reading a book by Claire Weeks (famous anxiety Dr.) and she says that "setbacks" will get harder as you are healing...because you are healing. Just try and have total acceptance of the feelings, and dont let them trick you...their just thoughts. Your post touched my heart, cause I have been going thru EXACTLY what you just described. If their is anything I can do ...just let me know!
Blessings!
Gina frasierlooloo@yahoo.com

karilyn, you did go through a month and half and yes it happened again. You just have to cling to the lighter side, you did go a month and a half, you did 'survive the panic attack last night', you are going to work any though you don't want to. I had not had an anxiety attack in so long and had one a few months ago. So disappointed, but you know, once again, I got up and just started again. Just like you are doing right now. You are seeking out help, you are aware of what is going on around you and yourself, and you are dissecting your anxiety attacks. Go and buy some bubble soap, get on the Internet and look up jokes, or get online and come here and read and know that we are all here, all suffering, all wanting to live a normal life. So to paraphrase, come along with me or rather us, the best is yet to be! Come on, life does suck at times doesn't it, but gosh it can be so great in just little ways. Keep going girl. You will make it, we all with!