Stress Center Peer Support

I can't seem to get this marriage thing down. We're not getting along very well at all. Not really sure what to do. We had a bad argument last night, again. Getting sick of it, and starting to have regrets. Seems I'm a failure yet again...

Hi Jim,

I feel for you! marriage is really tough however, I must say your view is a little distorted by everything.. that damn negative thinking again! I think it is important to keep positive with the situation, I know its tough but you JUST got married, there is definitely an adjustment period involved.. say give yourself 3 months.. 3 months of positive thinking, trying, major efforts and if in 3 months things arent better, then I would consider thinking about it as a regret, but dont forget sometimes our expectations take a hold of us.. maybe you need a reality check on that one I hate to see your re-line as something so negative and heartwrenching!

In relationships Ive learned that a reaction yields a reaction.. perhaps if you start on the right side of the road and be positive, give this marriage all you've got, her reactions will change too, which changes your reactions, and hers again.. see the pattern? get that marriage off to a good start, if you are already thinking negatively where is it going to go from there? worse..

Keep trying and pushing on, make sure you look back, take pride in everything you do, re-read your post about getting married in the first place.. there was a reason you did this, dont mistrust/doubt yourself now- keep journaling!

Best wishes and thanks for posting

Thanks so much Maeggie, I appreciate it. I think we're both being a little impatient with one another. We had another talk, and things are ok again, at least for now, lol. We'll see....Thanks again

Jim

Jim
Your NOT a failure, never were! I know you and kathy dated a year of so before you got married, however now your married,, your learning each other and how you each react to situations..
Give it some time! She loves you and you love her,, most arguments are worth , the misery we put ourselves through!! Yall hang in there Jim, you will have a Good Marriage!!! Love ya Nelly:)

Thanks Nellers

Keep in touch Jim

Hey Jim2,
I posted this this morning on another topic but I really think it might help. As sensitive people, emotional people, and obsessive people we tend to want to know why we're this way and why relationships seem so hard for us. Anyway, I too have had a bunch of bad relationships and want my newest one to be my BEST one. Check this out. It really will help.

Original post:
Hey Guys and Gals,
I gotta tell ya, Mike the youth minister on CD 2 had the exact same story as me. He was obsessing over whether the girl he was with was "the one", wondering if he was perfect, wondering if she was perfect...
A week into the program I went to the library looking for Lucinda's book From Panic To Power and Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh. I didn't find either book as they were checked out, ,but what I did find is a book that answered my "why?".
I now know why I sabotage relationships and obsess over them.
GET THIS BOOK: The Intimacy Struggle by Janet Woititz.

It was originally written for people that grew up in a alcoholic family but was revised to include a normal (LOL!) dysfunctional upbringing.

I read this book and all the relationship fears and the descriptions and went, "Oh my God! Thats me!!"

I was stressed out and hopeless after reading it, but only for a moment because I new what it was that was causing my anxiety and I knew that I could FIX MYSELF!!
WHAT A REVELATION!!!

Just knowing why was HUGE!!!

Between that book and the program I really feel like i know what to do now.

GUYS, go get this book if you can't figure out why you keep screwin' up in a relationship.

I'm tellin' you, it's gonna answer ALL of your questions and give you some insights that will make you laugh at your behavior!!!


D.