Stress Center Peer Support

Someone please help! For all of the years I've known my husband,occasionally he looks at women. I used to just loose it whenever this would happen. I have learned not to make such a big deal of it because of StressCenter. I do have to say he has never cheated on me, he is always home on time from work, we are together on the weekends, he calls me several times during his work day to see how I am or just to say I love you. So here is what happened this last weekend. My youngest son and his wife bought a cabin in the mountains, we went to help paint, etc. My son and I went to get lunch for all of us (Husband is my sons stepdad) When we all finished eating, my daughter-in-law took grandaughters to the pool, my sons real dad and wife came to see cabin, my husband and I went to pool. we were lounging on chairs when my daughter-in-law told my husband to get in spa (she was already in) I said no, he got up and sat on ledge with his legs in spa. We had a great weekend until wednesday came. My son called me and told me when he and I went to get lunch, his wife said she was on top of ladder and my husband was on floor looking up her shorts. I tried to be very calm and listen to everything, then said I would talk to my husband and we would call later that night. We called, we were all on speaker to we could all hear. My husband said, yes he looked up for a second before he moved away from ladder, but not for the reason she was accusing him. He apolized if he made her feel bad. Yesterday, my son called me 3 times (no message) so I called him this morning and told him how humilated we feel. I explained my husbands point and my son didn't want to hear anything. All he said was I know where you're going this, I should have said anything!!! He wasnt there and totally believed his wife without even listening to my husband. I have crying all day, I tried to be assertive, calm, and considerate with my son. I told him my husband said he would not be anywhere in the same space with her to avoid. He yelled and said we were calling his wife crazy and a liar. yet isn't he calling my husband a liar? I tried to tell him that his wife and my husband have different points of view on this and he wouldn't even listen to me. Please, I need advise, comfort, anything that will help me through this. I'm in such a horrible spot and I don't know which way to turn. Suzzie

Suzie,

My first question would be, if I am reading your story correctly, is why would your daughter-in-law ask your husband to come sit in the spa after he looked up her shorts? If she was so uncomfortable about it or was offended, then why would she want him to come sit by her? I know I wouldn't have asked someone to do that if I was upset by their action. I understand why your son is so upset but maybe he should ask her why she wanted him in the spa if she was so upset by his earlier action? I understand what a tough spot this puts you in. Maybe it would be a good idea to only hang out when it is in a larger group for awhile until everything settles. I'm sorry your're so upset.

Thank you so very much. I started to cry again when I read your reply. This is exactly what my husband said. He said he only looked up because he didn't want to bump the ladder. And I agree, I would never feel so comfortable to ask someone to get in spa if I really felt that person got in my personal space. Especially after her knowing my husband for 16 years and never having anything like this happen. Suzzie

Suzzie I'm sorry for what you are going through. Please understand that miss haps (and things done on purpose too) happen all the time. I cannot judge at all cuz I wasn't there nor in his shoes. So it's time to go with the flow here, one day at a time. I am stressing out with some stuff right now and it's not worth it. You know time has a way of healing (all wounds) and time is so precious. Please take this situation (and life too) a little at a time.

David,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through, here I am asking you for some kind of solution, not knowing what you are having to deal with. But you're right, I guess all we can do is take it one day at a time. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me, I really do appreciate it. If I can help in some way, please feel free to ask. Again, thank you, Suzzie