Thanks again to everyone - especially this last post by Mom, who really hit home with some sensible advice.
I am almost 44. I have issues with anger, anxiety and depression. I don't drink or smoke.I grew up in a violent household. I thought being macho was about violence and sex until I was almost 30. I also had a strong moral compass because of my Catholic upbringing. Do you see the struggle? At times, I am a perfectionist to almost unrealistic expectations of myself.
After reading ALL of the advice here, I know that the contributions are pointing me in the right direction.
Is there a part of me that wants to cheat? Of course, I am human. Would I? No. The stakes are too high. Am I selfish. Yes, at times I am and a lot of it is low self esteem and anger. I see that these issues are coming up in the program. There must be a reason for this.
At first, I was skeptical about this Peer Group, but now after reading all of the advice here, I see it has a wonderful purpose.
Agai, thanks to all. Hopefully, I will be able to give you sound advice in the future.
Sex
Hi Joe,
First let me preface by saying that I do not believe in cheating. If this is something you can not live with then the relationship should end first before pursuing another partner.
I also want to say that maybe you feel you have exhausted your options with your wife and if so please end the relationship else you will cause a lot of pain. You've mentioned that she does not want to enter therapy with you and I think that's your best option. Maybe if you say that this is your last effort to repair the relationship it will work?
First let me preface by saying that I do not believe in cheating. If this is something you can not live with then the relationship should end first before pursuing another partner.
I also want to say that maybe you feel you have exhausted your options with your wife and if so please end the relationship else you will cause a lot of pain. You've mentioned that she does not want to enter therapy with you and I think that's your best option. Maybe if you say that this is your last effort to repair the relationship it will work?
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cuttingirl
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:51 am
Massage parlors? As in, happy ending? You have already cheated. I agree with DeeDee, It sounds like you're looking for validation and support here in order to satisfy a base and fleeting urge which you may be willing to indulge at any the cost given the opportunity. When you get married, you take your spouse as family. Would you double cross or hurt a close family member to satisfy yourself?Originally posted by Joe B.:
I think of cheating but never do because the trade off is not good. I visit massage parlours once in a while and look at nude pictures of women often to cope. I work out daily as well.
Last edited by cuttingirl on Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I have lived a horrible life, none of which has actually happened"-Winston Churchill
Your very welcome, Joe 
You mentioned and you were VERY clear that you struggle with anxiety & depression. I feel for you! Kudos for being "real and honest with us, as well as yourself!! That is what this forum is about! You've won half the battle just by being courageous enough to expose your most private struggles here. That takes alot of guts!!..Obviously you are trying to work things out! You could just walk away from it all, however you were willing to write it all out and ask for our advice That shows me that you WANT to get that spark back. If we're not going to be honest with ourselves & others, this program is irrelevant! This is a very touchy subject and you've heard alot of opinions. All meant with good intentions, I'm sure!
Anxiety & depression is a nightmare!!! 'We" constantly question ourselves and others around us. We tend to over analyze and exaggerate our own feelings..UGH
this is a common trait among all of us! You are NOT alone! From the past experiences you've had, theres no question on why you struggle today, however, with the "program", you will learn how to deal with the past and put it behind you! We've all been there, some of us are still working on it! Good luck to you! keep your chin up!
You mentioned and you were VERY clear that you struggle with anxiety & depression. I feel for you! Kudos for being "real and honest with us, as well as yourself!! That is what this forum is about! You've won half the battle just by being courageous enough to expose your most private struggles here. That takes alot of guts!!..Obviously you are trying to work things out! You could just walk away from it all, however you were willing to write it all out and ask for our advice That shows me that you WANT to get that spark back. If we're not going to be honest with ourselves & others, this program is irrelevant! This is a very touchy subject and you've heard alot of opinions. All meant with good intentions, I'm sure! Anxiety & depression is a nightmare!!! 'We" constantly question ourselves and others around us. We tend to over analyze and exaggerate our own feelings..UGH
this is a common trait among all of us! You are NOT alone! From the past experiences you've had, theres no question on why you struggle today, however, with the "program", you will learn how to deal with the past and put it behind you! We've all been there, some of us are still working on it! Good luck to you! keep your chin up!"O God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is BETTER than life,my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name, I will lift up my hands." Psalms 63
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Tina Magarine
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 5:07 pm
Hi Tina. You have to use your own judgement in making important decisions like this.
I don't really see a problem with it if you both are watching it together, but that is rarely the case. I see a problem with it if he's sneaking around watching it.
But I think that if he likes it and you don't, you both should get together and come to some decision on that and remember that porn often becomes an addiction. So be careful.
Take care. DeeDee.
I don't really see a problem with it if you both are watching it together, but that is rarely the case. I see a problem with it if he's sneaking around watching it.
But I think that if he likes it and you don't, you both should get together and come to some decision on that and remember that porn often becomes an addiction. So be careful.
Take care. DeeDee.
your welcome Mimi I'm working very hard with this program, and I cherish this forum! I don't know what I'd do without it!! As I reflect on my previous posts(I do this often)I can see the changes being made and I so badly want to be an inspiration to others that struggle. Most of my progress with the program is from reading everyone elses posts(struggles and triumphs). YOU ALL ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME 
I'm working very hard with this program, and I cherish this forum! I don't know what I'd do without it!! As I reflect on my previous posts(I do this often)I can see the changes being made and I so badly want to be an inspiration to others that struggle. Most of my progress with the program is from reading everyone elses posts(struggles and triumphs). YOU ALL ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME "O God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is BETTER than life,my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name, I will lift up my hands." Psalms 63
You and Dee Dee are 100% wrong. I get instant gratification from these actions but in the long run I think they have increased my anxiety. I turned towards the wrong solution to one of my problems.Originally posted by cuttingirl:Did I miss something - massage parlors? As in, happy ending? If so, that's pretty shady and you have already cheated. I agree with DeeDee, It sounds like you're looking for validation and support here in order to satisfy a base and fleeting urge which you may be willing to indulge at any the cost given the opportunity. When you get married, you take your spouse as family. Would you double cross or hurt a close family member to satisfy yourself? You have to deal with this hopefully in a mature way that does not trash your family and tarnish your name. Do you know anyone who has a solid marriage, preferably of a longer duration? You may want to talk this over with them, as they'll have some good and revealing insight. It also doesn't sound like you have really talked to her. You should sit down with her, looking each other in the eye, take her hands in yours and really talk about this issue because it sounds like very soon it's going to boil over.Originally posted by Joe B.:
I think of cheating but never do because the trade off is not good. I visit massage parlours once in a while and look at nude pictures of women often to cope. I work out daily as well.
It is very dangerous to act like an expert here. You are judging and angry and could really damage someone's mental state on this board with your diagnosis.
I will think twice about posting here again. I suggest you do the same.