Stress Center Peer Support

I had seen the program on tv and new it would be able to help my son (age 26) so I called about the free cd. I left it where my son could find it but he never said anything until one day he was having a very bad day and said he felt like a shell of a man and didn't know how he could survive the next 10 years like this. So I showed him the cd and we both listened to it. He said he had seen the infomercials and also thought it could help him. since he is between jobs right now, I offered to buy the program. We received it and he then told me he couldn't even begin to think about starting a program like this because he was struggling enough even to find a job. I listened to the cd for spouses/parents and have tried everything to get him to start, or to even just listen to the first 10 minutes of the first cd, or to listen to the relaxation cd. He absolutely refuses to do so. I suggested writing down 10 things that he is thankful for or that he is proud of himself about to help him out of this NEGATIVE funk! He won't even do that. I try sooooo hard to be positive, and to steer his direction towards positive thoughts, to no avail. And all that happens is that he gets even more frustrated which in turn frustrates me. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. Since he doesn't have a job I have paid his last 2 months rent and I know I am enabling him. I thought this program would help him to have a better attitude about himself and improve his self esteem, which would lead to having better interviews (it seems his negative attitude really shows through),etc so he can secure a job. I can't seem to help him and he is so down on himself, he will not even help himself. It's like one big vicious cycle. I feel like telling him that I won't help him anymore until he helps himself - but then I would be afraid that might push him over the edge and try to commit suicide or something (this hasn't been an issue, but I still worry about it. I am the only one that he has even talked to about his fear issues, so I feel like if I give up on him then he'll go over the edge. Can anyone give me advice? Has anyone been through this also? PLEASE HELP!!!!!! thank you!

Hi this is Mshell

I can relate well with you are saying. I ordered the program in January for my son. Come to find out it is helping me more than him because he is not doing it faithfully. He has been real sick that past two months so I have let it slide. But I have been doing the program and it has changed my life so much. I know I can not make my son do the program. He has to want to and to see the need for it. But I figure he is going to pick up on all the changes in me and I am hoping it will help him too. He listens to what I have to say so when I can I just live what I have learned from the program and I believe in time he will begin doing the program too. I tried to make him do it at first and that does not work, at least with him it didn't. Well, hope both our sons will see how wonderful a program this really is. It is the answer. Just keep positive yourself and miracle can happen. Have a nice night.

Thank you for your response, Mshell. I appreciate it. He has the program at his apartment, so maybe I will ask for it back and start it myself. I hope your son gets better and can benefit form the program as well.

Thanx again!

hey you moms! I dunno what u r going thru. I am on the other end. My father ordered the program for me. I suffer from major depression. I am on session 4. Love it! I am also on meds and work with a psychiatrist. I am 34. I will tell you this much...I will keep you in my prayers! God bless all 4 of you!
Dana.

One thing I've noticed is it's really difficult for men, especially younger guys to admit they have a problem with their mind. We want to be guys and unfortunately it's frowned upon heavily in our country for men to have emotional distress. Here's an article on the issue:
<A HREF="http://www.askmen.com/sports/health_150 ... html?FLASH" TARGET=_blank>http://www.askmen.com/sports/health_150 ... l?FLASH</A>
Hope that helps you understand some of the issues.

my son will not do the program and the boy has a very horrible temper and it worries me I finally got him to take good days and his temper has been so much better but what do I do guys when he acts abusive.........

Thank you all for your responses...

Mr. Positive: He does admit he has a problem and wanted me to get this program for him. But he says there is too much stress right now trying to get a job that he can't even attempt to start anything. I encourage him to just listen to the beginning of tape 1 "just to see" if it might help his situation. But he refuses. I know in my heart that this can help him, but I just can't get him to start. He says he'll start when he gets a job and things settle down, but it seems like there is always something that will be in the way... or it won't be as important anymore to him. I am truly in anguish over this... it is affecting our relationship... it is so very hard to hear him say nothing but negative things, beating up on himself constantly. I try to avert his attention to something positive, but it seems he always finds something negative to shoot back in my face. Am I doing something wrong? Should I just leave him alone? Lucinda's tape for parents/spouses says to keep encouraging buy it seems it is useless and only frustrates both him and I.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Ok well, that's almost all anxiety disorder sufferers then. We obviously hate our condition but HATE even more facing it! Many on here think, well I'm still alive and if it ever got too bad then I could just start the program. So they go on living a broken life. Regardless, you can never save your son. No matter how bad you want it, all you can ever do is be there for him when he decides to change his life.
I do think that he needs to realize that the longer he avoids recovery the worse it will get for him. The mind is quite creative and adept at taking outside information and using against an anxiety sufferer. As more information is input, worse thoughts and fears can develop. Making it even more difficult to find the will to recover.

hi, i can relate. several years ago, my husband waswatching tv and saw the infomercial. we bought the program for ourson. we told him about it and he was excited. started the first lesson and after that...nada, zip , and zilch participation. so he just got worse, ended up home. did nothing for months..then finally got a job. did wonderful, but no program participation, then started to falter...ect, etc, etc.
solast yeara, started it for myself...its been a great gift i have given myself. life goes on..yes, i agree, with all the thoughts. but somehow, he is doing better , on his own , has a wife and child, and working through whatever...i am still here but you , "can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink."...i know, old saying,but we cannot live other people's lives, even our own children's lives as when the grow up, they are not children, they are individula adults, real people...not extensions of ourselves. it is a heart ache, but sometimes, letting go, gives then room to grow at their own pace. an;yway, i love the program , doing better, still read the cards and intend togo thorugh it again...just to keep me in line/step, etc.
thanks for listening.

Anxiety Disorder is tough for everyone, male or female. It is 1 of the most difficult things I have ever experienced in my life(I'm 39). It requires ALL OF YOU & just when you think you done enough - it requires more.

All told, IF THE PERSON DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE, IF THE PERSON DOESN'T WANT TO FEEL BETTER - IF THE PERSON DOESN'T WANT TO PUT FORTH THE EFFORT RECOVERY FR ANXIETY DISORDER DICTATES - there is absolutely nothing you can do. He/she is not gonna do it b/4 he/she is ready & there is nothing we can do about it.

LENORE