Stress Center Peer Support

Hi Everyone!
I just started this program. My counselor recommended it after my GP took me off my meds and I had a huge anxiety attack due to health.

After starting the program I've come to realize how often I have anxiety throughout the day that I never even realized. I really am loving this program and learning so much from it.

But the one thing I am not battling well is my fear of death/hypochondriacism. I think that I just have what my son has, and he's been sick for a month...but I'm turning it into cancer, over and over.. now I've had a chest xray, an abdominal u/s and blood tests and all are NORMAL. I keep reminding myself of this, but then evening comes around and I notice an abnormal lump (seem to have a lot of those ) or swollen lymph nodes. .. and I start to worry.

Please tell me this gets easier. Ive only been doing this 2 weeks. (not even). I just want to quit having every pain or ache or something throw me into the worse thought scenario. Plus I'd also love to work on my fear of death. Is this something she does in the program? I've come to realize all of my fears (health, flying, etc) are because of death.

I guess that's all. Depression wise I am doing FABULOUS and am so glad Im off of the meds. I just need to get htis lifelong anxiety kicked out the door.

Thanks!
Suzanne

suzanne,

you are doing fine!

there- i said it

seriously, this is a process. you mentioned kicking the "lifelong" anxiety. if you had it all of your life, then there are certain habits that have been developed in your thinking over a long period of time.

does that mean that they can't be changed? of course not!

it just means that it takes time and work. but gradually, you will get there.

and just FYI- my sister is a licensed clinical social worker. what she told me is that she measures progress in MONTHS, not days, not weeks, but MONTHS.

i am not telling you this to discourage you- quite the contrary- i am telling you this to relax, go with the flow, and take your time by not pressuring yourself to make progress daily or weekly.

slowly, through working the program, you will begin to see results.

God Bless you.

oh, and i think that you owe your counselor a very big "THANK YOU" for referring you to this program.

I don't know where I would be today if not for the relaxation tapes and Tapes 1 and especially 2 when my panic was at its worst.

This is my first post as well. I am currently just starting week one and this program seems amazing. I had seen the infomercial a few times, mostly late at night during bouts of insomnia. I always thought about ordering the program, but I don't know why I never did. Well, I believe a higher power woke me up a couple of weeks ago in the middle of the night when I fell asleep with the TV on to find the infomercial on again and that's when I knew that I had to do something. I took the test on the web site the next day and out of all of the questions, I answered sometimes to about 2 or 3. Every other one was always and often.

I believe that I've had anxiety all of my life. I remember being a little kid and being so neat with my toys. My Barbies had to have all of their clothes hung up, etc. Everything had to be just so. All through my childhood and teens I can look back at stuff that I went through, or experiences that I encountered and now realize that they had to do with anxiety. I had my first panic attack around 15-16. I don't know where the anxiety came from either. My sister and I were raised in a great household with great parents. I think I was always just hard on myself for some inner reason. My Mom had panic attacks when she was in her 20's but she said she eventually kind of outgrew them. My Dad was OCD with certain things like cleaning the house and cutting the grass, etc. I know that I definitely have OCD - have for years.

I went through a period of time where I was having a lot of panic attacks and couldn't drive. I was put on anti-depressants for 8 years. But they were making me sick after that long and I was weaned off. I haven't had an anti-depressant in almost 8 years now.

I did OK over the years since then. Flew, went to concerts, went to sporting events. I wasn't 100%, but I'd only have anxious issues every so often and my safe person would get me out of the situation. But about 10 months ago, and I can remember this distinctly, I went to a professional football game and after about 10 minutes of sitting down, I felt horrible. I had that detached hazy feeling. Everything seemed too bright, too loud, and almost like I was on a parallel universe. I had to get out of there. And nothing in my life had changed or anything. It just seemed like out of the blue.

By the way, whenever I had to go to a meeting in an auditorium at my old job, I'd always sit on the end of an aisle in case I had to "escape." When I go to sporting events, I get antsy if I'm not close enough to the aisle.

So, for the past 10 months I've been feeling bad. It's with me 24/7. Most of the symptoms that I've read here on the board and in the program, I have. Dizziness, head swooshes, shortness of breath, panic episodes (although, not the textbook ones from my youth). These aren't as intense, but they last longer and they come out of the blue. I can be doing something as simple as typing a document at work, or really anything, and they come on. I've tried to find some correlation (food, sleep/lack of sleep, time of day, thoughts) but nothing adds up. I get numbness in my hands and feet. Sometimes to where I feel I can't walk even though I can physically look down and know that I am. I have acid reflux, sometimes chest pains, migraines, shaky vision, agitation, restlessness, neck tension and so on.

Like I said, I've had issues with anxiety for a long time, but the past 10 months, it feels like it's just been constant. I can pinpoint it to that day at the football game. I went to the Doctor and he believes that I have a "deeply seded(sp?)anxiety." He said that I had to deal with it or it was going to eat me up.

And all of this is making me kind of depressed. I mean, I have a personal motto of "Go, Do, See, Be!" Meaning go out there, do stuff, see things, and be trying new experiences!" I'm the type of person who doesn't want to be sitting around the house. I want to go out to events and concerts and festivals and traveling. But this is holding me back from even being able to walk around the grocery store without feeling bad.

And forget about driving. The thought of driving down the street scares me. That lack of independence is depressing too. Here's a quick story. My Mom's birthday was in September. I knew exactly what she wanted and it was at the outlet mall which is literally 5-7 minutes from my house. Instead of jumping in the car and going over there, picking it up and coming home, I had to have one of my safe people drive 15 minutes (freeway) from his house, pick me up, take me to the mall, drive me home and then drive the 15 minutes back to his house. Even if I just want to run to the store for something quick, I have to depend on someone. My Mom and I share a house together and luckily our office buildings are right next door to each other, so we can car pool. But she always drives.

For awhile there, this stuff was getting so bad that it was affecting all areas of my life. My family relationships (my Mom has been a Saint trying to figure anything out to help me. She's so relieved that I got this program), my friendships, my work performance, everything. Just because I felt so badly physically. For awhile there, I was having those panic episodes and was only doing what I had to get by. My job isn't even stressful, but I was so agitated that I couldn't sit at my desk for two minutes.

I am so looking forward to doing this program.

This seems like such a great community! Thank you so much for listening.