Stress Center Peer Support

I have been in the program since November. I have been inconsistent mostly due to time constraints. I am a big time people pleaser and don't want anyone mad at me or disappointed in me. I worry obsessively about this.

I have been a high school math teacher and basketball coach for the past 14 years. I have 3 children who play sports and we live a very active lifestyle. My problem is that I am totally burned out on coaching and want to get out and just teach. I have developed vocal cord nodules from the abuse of my voice when coaching and the time demands are just totally unreasonable for me. I have been successful as a coach so the administration and parents want me to continue. I have felt this way for the past 4 or 5 years but needed the money due to being a one income family. My wife now works so this is not an issue. I have about a month left in this season and know that it is time I get out of coaching and just teach. I haven't had a planning period in years and teach upper level math. I am a tenured teacher with a great reputation as a classroom teacher. There is zero chance of me losing my job if I quit coaching. Coaching turns me into someone that I do not like because it brings out anger and frustration and totally stresses me out. I want to use the time I spend coaching hanging out with my family, actually getting to attend my kids games and school functions, working out (my true passion) and making myself a better classroom teacher.

My problem is that I don't want to let people down. Help! Any suggestions?

Clay

clay,
it was good to hear that you care more for your family then you do your coaching job.kids grow up fast and before you know it they are married and gone..i saw my kids play ball and do things and , then i started to drink and missed out on alot of what they did..if you want to do something that is good for you and your family. then by all means do it..time is too short to have a job that stresses you out. it might be one reason that you have panic and anxiety..hope this helps you some. take care and i like to say. let this year be your year to shine..GOD BLESS.

Clay

You stated you...

I want to use the time I spend coaching hanging out with my family, actually getting to attend my kids games and school functions, working out (my true passion) and making myself a better classroom teacher.

Then you said...

My problem is that I don't want to let people down.

Who are you letting down? Who's dream are you allowing to slip away?

Sure they want you to be a coach! You are good. But your heart seems to be pulling you into another direction and that is completely OK!

I have had something similar happen to me at school. One instructor wanted me to be involved in a club. Thing is I am a returning college student with a home, husband, a family. I take care of Nana with her doctor appointments and my own doctor appointments with my own health issues. I am a scholarship student, so I "owe" work into the department; at that point I have all professors literally overwhelming me with their personal "projects" not realizing that YES THERE ARE 2 OTHER PROFESSORS THAT ARE USING ME TOO! I was working FAR too many hours, I could have just got a job, worked 7 weeks and paid my tuition, had time to focus on my studies in further depth and had time to paint and draw. I finally wrote a letter to one professor and spoke to the other one. I said that I could not be everything to everyone. I had my own life, responsibilities and that my plate was full and that I needed to not take on anymore and needed to back off of some responsibilities. I CAN'T DO IT ALL! I have a life and things I am interested in doing. I do not live my life for her or anyone else. She does not pick up my pieces when I am unhappy, overwhelmed or tired, I DO! She does not live to make me happy. I am not saying this is a tit for tat proposition, but you DO have a life and no one else can live it, only you can. YOU have the choice of saying nothing and not pursuing your true passion or LIVING YOUR LIFE to the fullest. It is not letting others down, you are letting yourself down if you deny yourself. No one cares if you are not living your true dream... not the parents and not the school. Sure they appreciate you and your skills, but like with any job, career or business you are fulfilling a purpose. They needed you. You have proven to be a successful coach and brought positive accolades for the school. It is time though to move on because you do not like who you become when you are coaching. People change. Life changes all the time. People can adjust to it just as you have adjusted to denying yourself of your passions because your free time has been limiting the ability to enjoy those true passions.

My husband had the same issue. But the thing is those people that interrupted his free time did not care that he was in the hospital with me, at his parents 50th wedding party, at funerals, on vacation, when he was bicycling (his passion), sleeping at 3am. They did not care! They called, not only once but several times in a few hours time span. One dinner he as on the phone for over 2 hours! I never planned anything because he would come home late or get called in. He was tired from it all, always working and NO free time to enjoy his passion. After being gone from home 11-13 hours a day 5 days a week and 8-12 hours on Saturday, PLUS doing stuff around the house, in between his cell phone calls from work, he had NO "me" time.

I asked my husband, what do you live for? He said breathing, eating and working and the morning to do it all over again ...enough said!

Now, he limits his Saturdays, LEAVES on time, and has been slowly transferring his old job responsibilities to the "new guy" that was hired in June 2006. Yes, June 2006! There was on official company meeting in October 2007 that announced my husband was NO LONGER in charge of his old position and they people need to contact the other guy. The calls have gotten much better, just some things still need to be transferred over. he has some time to himself and we do get to have dinner on time and without constant interruptions. Really have been wonderful for him, he is much more relaxed and calm. I believe it is because he has TIME to bicycle on the trails (in the basement now, Chicago winters), read and just enjoy life a little more than before. He also had time to go visit his daughter at college 8 hours away!

You need to follow your passions to fulfill you. When you are happy, you are more of everything in life to yourself and others around you.

Have your passion during work hours...after that YOU need to do things that fulfill your needs and the needs of your family. You are the only one that will fulfill your needs, not the school, not the parents. Ultimately it is YOUR health and happiness that is important, NOT others opinions of what they feel you should be doing. I rather get out than go through the motions of just doing something I really did not have my heart into. The school can find another teacher that their heart will be in the total game. You are NOT a terrible person for it either. Your heart is in teaching and pursuing YOUR passions...GO FOR IT!

If I might add...not being an expert, but don't be afraid to let go and give other people the opportunity to get the blessings and grow. People will try to guilt you into thinking that there is no one else, but truth is when someone says "what will we do if you don't..." the answer is "something else!" It will show up for them when you move on and they start looking else where!

Good luck and enjoy your new freedom and enpowerment!

Thanks for affirming what I know to be the right thing to do. My dreams and my family must come first. Children do grow up so fast and I want to be there every step of the way. It is myself that I am letting down by continuing to do things for the wrong reasons. If I get out and realize that I really do miss coaching I can always get back in.

God Bless,
Clay

Clay65

you sound like such a great person and wonderful teacher. You need to stop coaching, even if it's just for awhile. Usually I don't "tell" people what to do, but you know what you "want" to do and you really should do it. You deserve to watch your kids and take care of yourself. Remember, don't let anyone "should" on you! Make the decision, and move forward you'll be happy you did.