Stress Center Peer Support

Ok, seriously. I have a fear of becoming schizophrenic. My anxiety gets so bad that the walls start to look speckly and the lights seem to trail a bit. I'll also get a rush of adrenaline because I'll think I have seen something in the corner of my eye (but there's nothing). My mind is working on such overdrive and I have so much tension. Some time when I'm about to fall a sleep it's like my brian tries to decompress I get these random "drive-by" thoughts. I get scared because I feel like things are happening beyond my control and I think that I'm going to end up in a mental institution. This is my biggest fear because I have what some people would consider a wonderful and happy life with a husband and a daughter. I need to know if these symptoms are normal, obsessing about it is sucking the joy out of my life. Does this happen to anyone else??

Yes I have that too sometimes. I had that last night actually and had a big panic attack. It had been awhile since I'd had one. I started the old pattern of thinking I'd lose touch with reality and wouldn't be able to take care of my kids or work.

I was also trying to fall asleep and felt that thing of something out of the corner of my eye and "drive-by" thoughts. I was actually feeling last night like I was afraid to fall asleep, like going to sleep was giving up control. Very odd. Sometimes I even will be dozing off or waking up and I open my eyes and I'll see something like a person's face. It freaked me out so much that I went to a psychiatrist about it. I told her ALL of these symptoms thinking she'd have some wonderful complex label to put on me. Well. . .it's 'JUST' anxiety!

Well, here I am today and I'm not crazy and I'm feeling pretty well except I didn't sleep much.

What calmed me down was reading my Bible, praying, and journaling. I also read through some old posts to see how far I'd come.

For me what started this was talking to my cousin that has some problems because of a brain injury. They're telling her she can't do her job any more, because it's too stressful. So, I started thinking that maybe I had what she has and my job is too stressful. First of all she's a 2nd cousin, secondly, she has a brain injury.

It's amazing how we can scare ourselves!

Thankyou, Faith_TX. Your reply post made me feel more at ease. It must be severe anxiety because when I think about it, when I'm in a situation that requires 100% of my attention, or I'm outside, I feel like I'm going to be ok and/or don't think about my fears of going crazy. My anxiety attacks mostly happen when I'm at home and my thoughts bombard me. Also, a few years ago I had a job that required me to drive over 300 miles (to one location) a couple times a week. I had to eventually had to quit because when I was isolated with my thoughts in the car for too long my anxiety would overwhelm me. I was afraid I was going to either going to have a heart attack, start hallucentating, or go into a rage and drive off a cliff. I was terrified. That's just an example, I guess, of how my anxiety likes to creep in when I'm alone and have room for thought.
I had managed my anxiety (with the help of Lorazepam)for quite some time until I had my daughter a little over a year ago. I suffered from post-partum depression and that's when I started having these fears of losing my mind. The fear of going crazy and becoming incapable of caring for my daughter, or causing her any emotional problems (because of my issues), runs through my head over and over like a broken record.
I must say, I'm so grateful for this forum and this program. My prior post was the first one I ever submitted. I have a fresh new sense of urgency to complete this program. I started it a couple months ago, completed up to session 5 and stopped because I was feeling so good. After the holidays, my anxiety was back again and here I am. Now I know how badly I need to complete this program.

It seems so real when it's happening, doesn't it? I was just talking to my cousin today, who is my mother's age. She told me she finally doesn't think she's crazy any more but it took awhile. Now she figures since it hasn't happened yet, it's not going to!! haha!

I remind myself of that too when I look at my journal and how bad I was a year ago. I figure if I didn't "go crazy" (whatever that means) then, it's not likely I will now!

I also worry about effecting my daughter. But, the older I get, the more I realize that everyone has some sort of issue. We're all "human" so if she struggles with some anxiety at least she has a mother that understands and can help her figure it out. Hopefully before she's 42 like me!