Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:14 am
I am currently on week 10 of the program and almost 4 months off Celexa. I thought that I was doing well, and I am except for one thing...dreaded IBS. It started off with stress building up and in early November, I had an anxiety attack. I don't get intense panic attacks, but instead I get anxiety attacks that last for days or weeks. It was really rough and I almost went back on my meds (which I had done every other time I tried to go off them and then had a setback), but I listened to these tapes a lot (almost obsessively, but it worked), did the relaxation, did a lot of walking, and got through it. Shortly after that, I got that nasty stomach bug that was going around and developed a case of gastritis (inflammation of the stomach lining). Although the anxiety that I had been experiencing seemed to be gone, my health was not getting any better and I really started to worry about what was wrong with me. I think it was a vicious cycle: the stress and anxiety wore my immune system down, I got sick, and then the stress of not getting better made me more stressed, which made me feel more sick. So, fast forward to now...I have been trying hard to relax and not worry. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, doing my relaxation tape every morning, doing an IBS-specific hypnotherapy tape every night before bed, no caffeine, exercising, etc. After two months, I expected my health issues to be gone, but they are not. I'm definitely better since the pain from the gastritis is gone, but having symptoms that I can only relate to IBS (my GI doc thought that, in addition to the gastritis, I had a case of "post viral IBS"). As much as I try to relax and not think about it, it is so difficult. I made an appointment tomorrow with a friend who is an acupuncturist. I figured that it can't hurt and if it helps, that is great. I have been toying with the idea of going back on the Celexa, as I think it will put an end to this. I'm really stubborn, though, and I hate the fact that I have worked so hard to get through this and get over this condition and then have to go back on the med anyway (I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with meds, Celexa was a life saver for me, but I don't feel like I "need" it anymore. I feel like these tapes have finally been the answer that I was looking for and that I will be able to be cured, it is just living with the body symptoms or IBS or whatever is going on with me that is driving me crazy). So, I'm trying to hold off on any decision about the meds at least until I have my first acupuncture session tomorrow. The thing that I need help on is this: Next weekend I am supposed to go on a ski weekend with friends. We go up every year and it is a lot of fun. I'm just concerned about going in case I don't feel well when I am there...and am 3.5 hours from my house. I know that you are supposed to force yourself to do things and I really do want to go, but I'm wondering if worrying about how I am going to feel once I get there is playing a part in my recent turn for the worse health-wise. Should I just skip it this year and concentrate on getting better (in case this is adding to some kind of subconscious anxiety that is making my stomach all off) or should I force myself to go? Sorry for the length of the post, but I figured some background is necessary. I feel like I am making so many strides forward, but this whole health thing is so incredibly frustrating and I'm not sure if I am strong enough to wait it out...or just go back on meds and get my life back...