Stress Center Peer Support

Does the Program discuss how to deal with difficult people?
Or how about difficult people who are angry?
I am on the anger session but I don't see any discussion regarding 'other peoples' anger and
the difficulties that these people instill upon
others? I guess we need to be less affected by them? How do you do this when they are in a tantrum?


In your experiences how do you deal with difficult people who are close to you? Do you ignore them?

I am only just starting lesson 4, but decided to read and reply to ur post because I am an angry person. Angry at life angry at all I come into contact with, mostly for no real reason that I can find an answer to. When I lash out in my anger fits, I and others who know me, my husband and closest friends have heard my anger, my husband seems to now know to tell me to breath and calm down talking softly without being defensive, then asks me y I am so mad. For me to stop to try to figure where this anger comes from and realize that it is not directed at the ones I relase it onto, settles me. I hope this will help

It's my husband that I am dealing with. Everytime
I say something that is bothering me (regarding
his behaviors) he gets so defensive and now he is
mad at me. This a.m. he is not talking to me.
I feel like I can't speak my mind without him
getting so defensive.
We went to a therapy session last night and my
Therapist said he is 'difficult'

Hi DebDeb,

I'm not sure if this will work for you but I'll share a little story with you.I've learned to pick the right times and approach the topic carefully when I need to discuss things that are bothering me. I make sure we are not rushed or already in a tense situation. Like running out the door or maybe he's had a bad day. These are not good times to discuss it. I wait until he is relaxed and we have some time to discuss it.

Then, I try and put it in a way that is putting me in a vulnerable position rather than sticking it to him. When we were first married, there were a lot of double standards in our household. I would get very upset that he believed things should work differently for him than myself. We would get into huge arguements! After some experience, I would wait for him to be in a really good mood and then share my concerns in a loving, assertive way. By my surprise, he responded very well and he's the best husband anyone could ask for now.

I think the reason he is not speaking to you is his feelings are hurt too. I'm not sure if my example applies here but thought I would mention it. Good luck and remember Men are from Mars!

Hi Kelsey

SO true Men are so difficult to understand.
He gets so defensive -and yes he is going thru a
rough time -for over a year now- and I have been
patient with him, praising him, supporting him,
but I can't shut up because he wants me to and because he doesn't want to hear it. I have been
called a psycho wife, crazy, I have mental problems, etc; these are his 'defensive hurtful
words'.
I have been in therapy with him for a few years
already. When his alcoholism was getting worse he didn't want to hear my complaining also. It took a DWI for him to realize that he had a problem. Since then, he has quit drinking, and
is in AA, but it troubles me that he doesn't address my 'criticisms' and 'concerns' and does
whatever the hell he wants.
For example if I was doing something that was bothering him, or if he came to me with a concern, I'd do whatever it took to try to solve
it & I wouldn't just throw a tantrum, storm around the house and hold grudges. He's not from
Mars he must be from Pluto!!
This causes a lot of frustrations on my end.
I need to be able to 'voice' my concerns without
fearing that he will become enraged and defensive all the time.

Originally posted by DebDeb:
It's my husband that I am dealing with. Everytime
I say something that is bothering me (regarding
his behaviors) he gets so defensive and now he is
mad at me. This a.m. he is not talking to me.
I feel like I can't speak my mind without him
getting so defensive.
We went to a therapy session last night and my
Therapist said he is 'difficult'

I am so sorry I posted that sig. I am trying to learn how to post kids. Please be patient with me I am regressing back to age 2! Just kidding-in my stive to be perfect I fail...over and over and.......
Difficult people! They are all around me! I take care of all of them! Even the ones who live 3 hrs. away-like I have any good sense.I did what my Aunt Grace always told me NOT to do. I went to bed mad at my entire family last night! There's only 2 of us here-but there's the phone. It's every holiday for me. I am the one who chooses to live "away". With all my big time health problems if I don't now drive an hr. on Sunday I will not get to see my Grand-baby.My daughter is coming to my Mothers' for 2 days. Mom's house is central-that way Amy doesn't have to drive another hr.to stay with me. It's all mixed up. but, every holiday I get my feelings hurt. I am really not able to go.But in my family the majority rules-no matter how sick I am. I have always before my husband died made the trip to where ever they chose to squat. But, then my H would do the driving and he was always my moral support and would wait on me for the 3days after the trip because I would be in a FMS flare. NOW-nobody waits on me. When I get sick I am on my own. Lots of anger in my family-just loads of grudges and people taking sides and I HATE it. I want to see my grand-daughter when there isn't a crowd jerkin her around-I started a box for her on Valentines Day and I put "stuff" in it everyday. Hair barretts -coloring pages and fun stuff I print off the internet.Books and clothes-make-up-little cheap jewelry etc.. Little stuff-she loves it- she is 6. I keep a box going for her and my daughter and when I get to see them I have some pretty ints stuff for them.
I am so mad and hurt right now-I am prob not making any sense here.
Okay-my daughter drives 3 hrs. to get to my Mom's house.Mom is in the town I grew up in and so is most of the family. I have lived an hr away for almost 20 yrs. Mother is able to do all the cooking-they might eat one meal out-but she does at least 2 a day at home. People who come to see me never get hungry-but I can't spend all day cooking-I am not pyhsically able.-Nor mentally. 2 yrs. ago I had major surgery twice on top of having osteo and FMS. I am tired people. I am raising my son alone also.
Thankx for listening-I am going to stop the ranting here and deal with the way I am feeling.
All HIS Blessings,
Deb ^J^
"Wildflowers don't care where they grow."
Dolly Parton

Hi Still KIckin;

You are making perfect sense.
Your family should understand that you are not
feeling well - why can't you all get together
closer to where you live so you can be together?

Family can be our worse enemies at times & I can
totally relate with the drama-who is not talking to who -etc; Some of them are horrible people that I have chosen not to associate with anymore.

DebDeb,
I'm so sorry you are not being heard or treated right. My example doesn't apply to your situation at all. Calling you those names can be deeply hurtful. You're right, you don't deserve that, nobody does. I really hope everything works out for you both.

The session on Assertive Behavior is what you are looking for. It really helps you learn to deal with this kind of stuff...