Stress Center Peer Support

This may sound silly to some, but I lost my beloved 9 year old german shepherd on Saturday. Had spent the last several weeks taking care of her, and after having surgery on Monday she wasn't able to recover, stand up, and just got progressively worse till saturday. I have been feeling horribly devastated, sad, mad, and just still trying to wrap my head around her not being around anymore, after being by my side all the time since she was a puppy.

I am still in the process of trying to recover from many years of anxiety, and panic attacks. I have had the program since about 2000. To be honest, I really need to just go all the way through it, as i have started and stopped about 3 times now around week 5 or 6 cause i get back to feeling better. I am just worried now with all this, plus having to find a new job, that the stress will trigger another episode of anxiety and attacks again. I've noticed the what if's coming back....but I also have that voice of Lucinda and others that remind me of how we can sometimes focus or project anxiety and panic to divert our attention from what is really bothering us? Obviously right now a lot of grief and sadness. I haven't cried like i have the last two or three days since I can remember.

I was just hoping for some insight or advice on ways to grieve, but also at the same time not let the anxiety, or worry over having anxiety or panic over this difficult time take over. Sorry if this seems silly to some, but my girl SHadow, meant the world to me.

Michael

Hi Mikel.
I'm new to the program but I'm sure you're on the right track with going back through it. I'm sure you'll find the tools you need to help get you through this difficult time. Grieving is normal and some people grieve longer than others. It's also a process, a journey, that takes time. I loss my cat, Silver, a few years ago and I find comfort in thinking about all the goods times that I had with him and not his death. Revisit the program and take both journeys step by step.

I'd never really had any great loss in my life until last September when my Dad passed away. I kept asking myself and others how I was supposed to grieve but in reality, there is no right or wrong way. I think my best advice would be to just go with whatever you're feeling and don't feel silly about it because it's an animal, not a person. Grieving over the loss of a pet isn't silly at all. We spend so much time with them and they give us so much unconditional love and support that they feel more like kids or friends than just pets and when they're gone, the pain is just the same.

Like you, I've stopped the program around week 7 or so because I started feeling better but you're right, we just need to go all the way through so we can learn the skills to cope when we need them.

Mikel C,

I feel for you. We lost one of our cats to chronic renal failure in November 2008 and now have another one very sick with it. It is fatal in the end. So I know exactly where you are coming from. It will feel awful at first, but it will finally get better. After about five weeks from losing our cat, I woke up and thought "OK, now it isn't so bad". Now we can look back on his life and laugh about how he was such a little pig, always begging for table scraps. You will get there after you grieve. But missgsr is right, there is no wrong or right way. You just have to go through it and not deny how you are feeling. If you feel depressed, sad, or mad then you should just go with it. Grief is a process and we don't always go through it in an exact order.

And you are absolutely not silly to miss your beloved pet so much. Some people miss their pets more than they do their relatives when they pass away. It is the unconditional love that we so seldom get from humans. The pets just love us for who we are and we feel the same way about them. Real animal lovers get this. Those that don't have pets think we are off our rockers, but I say they are missing out on a really special bond.

My grief really never made my anxiety any worse, so I don't think you have to worry about that. I think it is normal for you to feel grief --as my vet said, that means you loved her. He has lost several dogs and it is still very hard for him. He said it is bad for about three or four weeks for him, so everybody has to process this at their own speed. Just remember that Lucinda always says to be compassionate with yourself and console yourself like you would a best friend. Now is when you need to be expecially good to yourself, because you have suffered a blow.

Deepest condolences to you and I am just thankful you had such a dear girl as Shadow to enjoy for all those special years.