Stress Center Peer Support

How crazy is that? I am now anxious that my husband has started a new job! It's not that I don't think he can do it, but he just started this week after being out of work for almost a year. I got so used to him being home (I work full-time) but I used to call him during the day and he was always home when I came home. Now I find myself getting nervous when I come home and I start getting the dizziness, unreality, headaches, sweaty palms because I know he is not going to be home. There are other circumstances in that we are trying to sell our house and I worry that he started this job and is going to have to quit when we move. I am so overwhelmed right now...but any advice would be great!! He is my "safe" person and is my rock. Thanks!!

Labourg,

I completely understand what you are going through. My boyfriend has been out of work for some time now recovering from surgery and I constantly feel anxious when thinking about him returning to work. I think it is the routine that I get used to and when that changes, it causes my anxiety. I like being able to see him, talk to him, call him whenever and I know when he goes back to work that this will not be the case, that he will have responsibilites and obligations to other people besides me and I feel that I will not be able to talk to him if I needed him or I will be anxious about what he is doing, where he is, who he is with, etc. He is also my "safe" person, practically the only person on this planet - other than my wonderful family - who tries to understand my anxiety and accept it (and me) for what it is. I know the symptoms you described all too well. I wish that I had some magical formula to help you with what you are experiencing, something to tell you that would make the feelings of anxiety go away, but unfortunately I do not. All I can offer is sympathy and understanding and sometimes that is all you need to cope and carry on is just to know that there is somebody else out there who gets it and knows what you are going through. Hang in there. It is possible to get beyond anxiety...don't let it get you down

Labourg,
My husband's job used to keep him away overnight twice a week. He had been doing that for a while, so I made sure I had things to focus on when he wasn't around. I got nervous sometimes, but I got used to it. (We met 25 years ago and I'm absolutely sure I wouldn't still be walking the earth without him.)

However, his job changed without notice three months ago and he's home sleeping during the day. If I want to spend time with him, I have to go with him on his night route or wait for weekends, and he's usually tired anyway.

My point is that I've finally figured out that I have to be my safe place. He'll be there for me whenever he can, but I'm the only one who is always with me.

Try that "what if" exercise and take it to a ridiculous end. When overwhelmed, "chunk" it down into smaller pieces and deal with it that way. And be glad he's found work! Not everybody has been so lucky in this economy!

This may sound silly, but do you have a pet? Dogs are always happy to see you when you come home. I don't have a pet because of where I live, but I bought a huge stuffed dog to hug when I get upset and my husband isn't home. Learn to breathe through all of those horrible physical symptoms, and they will lose their power over you.

We're all here dealing with the same problems, so remember you have lots of people you can talk to here if your husband isn't home and you get freaked out. You can find a lot of sympathy and comfort here. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Les