Stress Center Peer Support

hey all,
i'm so worried that i might relapse after reading other post. i know i'm a different person and circumstances are different for everyone but i still worry! couldnt i go back to square one? everyone says its not possible with all the tools that you have learnt, but other suffers have posted abt how they have recovered and the went back to square one so is it possible? please please respond! i also want to know if anyone has thoughts abt losing a loved one. one of my grandparent is ill well she is every old so old age is the issue, but my lastest thought about her dying is when she dies i might get a heart attack from the shock and die.is that possible???? please help me!!! and also when she dies will the shock and the emotions of it make me relapse??? please help!!!

calmchange - if you are worried about relapsing by reading the posts, you could do what I did, I stayed off them for a while. I don't think you will relapse, you have tools to deal with it. Whenever I have an anxious moment, I tell myself that I have tools to deal with it and I will never be that old person again. If it by chance does return, we have this awesome program to go through again.

I just lost a cousin last month on my birthday. We went on vacation together last summer and her death was sudden and unexpected. I thought I would relapse, but I did not. I even did a reading at her funeral mass and the church was absolutely packed - she was a wonderful, positive person in my life and I miss her. But I have stayed calm and strong.

I know this program works and I still do the positive self-talk journal, the relaxation cd everyday and the tools I learned. You can do it.

Lisa

Hi calmchange,

I could not help but notice the opening to your post:

i'm so worried that i might relapse after reading other post

I get some feelings like this during the day. I suffer from hypertension. Sometimes, during the day, my blood pressure moves up to around 170/100 or higher.

I have to monitor this closely or otherwise, I will suffer. I also have 2 thorasic anuerisms that could blow at any time if I do not get my blood pressure down. If that happens, I won't have to worry about going anywhere, let alone square one. I will have 7 minutes before I die. Period. The good thing about that is I won't have time to worry. It will be over fast. The bad thing, well...I'm sure you get the picture.

First of all, "I might get this or this might happen or what if are all negative projections. You haven't gotten there so there is something that you are doing to yourself to torture yourself.

Flip that around, what if or maybe I might be be handle it if I read another post. Or what if I took a break from reading posts, until I can get a handle on these negative thoughts. I will not go back to square one.

everyone says its not possible with all the tools that you have learnt, but other suffers have posted abt how they have recovered and the went back to square one so is it possible?

There are no guarantees, to anything. Anything is possible. Again what does thinking about or projecting what might be going to accomplish? Flip again, what if it all goes well for me?

Does anyone suffer from these thoughts, you ask. There are literally thousands of posts here that talk about thoughts like this.m It is not unique to you. It's how you are learning to cope with the thoughts and work toward managing these thoughts.

I am sorry about your grand mother, and I don't want to give you any false assurance about any possible outcomes on what might happen to her (that's projecting too). Do you think that your grandmother would want for you to suffer with all the worry and negative projecting that you are going through? I can't imagine that being the case.

In fact, it might be very comforting to her to know that you are suffering with her but remained calm enough to give yourself a chance to get out of all these negative thoughts and love yourself enough to want to get well and get well to live the life of joy that you were meant to have. Because she knows that the life events you are concerned about, can have a negative impact on you. I am sure she would feel much better and maybe even get better, if you told her how much she meant to you and how much you love her.

She has not died and again you are projecting the worse out of the situation. Things may look bad, but even thinking that; creates more worry and stress for you.

Someday we must all die, and when we do our obituaries will tell people how we lived and how we died. I want mine to say that I lived life to the fullest, extracting every possible joyful moment as possible. In the larger scheme of things, how we die is irrelevant. How we lived is what matters most.

I suspect that you do want to get well, and overcome your concerns of fear and doubt. I pray for you to do your best to try to live in the present. I pray that you look at these thoughts and you will be able to sort out the negative energy that is going into this type of thinking.

I pray that you learn to enough to live each moment as it comes, not as you think things may turn out or how they were.

Here's how I have to deal with that time bomb that is in me:

http://www.stevencurtischapman...radio/speechless.htm

Select the next 5 minutes.

The lyrics below speak to what I know:

http://www.klove.com/lyrics/lyrics.asp?2351

Living in the moment gives you a handle on reality of the now, and not what might be or what was. These are the baby steps to recovery and living life in the freedom that the moment provides, and helps remove the shackles of all the negative thinking that what if thinking serves. Free yourself from that enslavement, that keeps you from living the life that God has always meant for you to live and enjoy.

I pray that you don't think I have been to rough on you. A lot of it stems for my deep concern for you. Please go to the links. I want to share in my JOY and the comfort that I feel from the words to all these songs. It would mean so much to me, if you would just please try this. >:D<

thank you both for your reponse. i'll try my best to stay positive. i was wondering if BOON reads this, if you can respond. i usually read through your post at times like this to help me pick up as they are so motivating. i would love a response from you for my current situation. thank you!!!
i try to stay postitive but when you spend all night awake with thoughts like, "well nothing is going to work for you know, no program." or " you'll find it impoosible to apply your learnt tools because they won't work any more"

CalmChange:

You must practice getting out of your head. This takes patience but you can do it. There is no thought, I repeat, no thought, that you need to address. You are looking for the magical answer and it doesn't exist. This alone can bring you some peace. Stop looking.

Life is a series of risks. Be willing to take them. Remind yourself all the time that I CAN HANDLE THIS. Write it down ten to twenty times a day until it becomes a walking mantra for you.

There are very few certainties in life but I do know one - when you learn the tools and begin to heal you can never go back to the way you were. Never! You know too much to go back there. This is just your scare voice trying to keep you stuck in your pain.

Practice watching your thoughts. Do not get emotionally involved with them anymore. No matter what you hear, just remind yourself that you can handle things. You can also use phrases like: Whatever. (or) So what! (or) Do your worst and get it over with.

Your only fear is the fear of the anxious symptoms. You need to experience these symptoms. They will not hurt you and they do pass. If you are afraid to go across the street, then you need to go across the street 100 times - or until you are no longer afraid to do so. If you are afraid to be alone then you need to be alone 100 times - or until you are no longer afraid to be alone. These are examples. It doesn't matter what the fear is. The treatment is the same.

Nuture yourself instead of scaring yourself. When you hear that scare voice, talk back soothingly. You are talking to that inner child. She needs your reassurance. Love yourself every step of the way.

When it is time for your grandmother to pass, nuture yourself through it. Allow those sad feelings to rise. Comfort yourself.

Life presents many situations. Never project. You will always beable to handle them.

Remember to nuture yourself and build yourself up. If you are scared, make it oK to be scared. Why not.....we all get scared. It's OK. When you make feelings OK, they pass quickly. Allow thoughts to come and go. You don't have to talk to them. They are not who you are. Use your breath to keep you present. Keep busy in the present moment and pay attention to what you are doing. This will help to keep you out of your head. Practice, practice, practice. You are creating good life long habits. (Do not pay attention to that scare voice. It does not have a crystal ball and it lies like the dickens.) The good, positive and nurturing things you say to yourself are truthful. You will learn to trust them in time.

Hi,

I am in a good period, and I sometimes feel the same way as you do. Here are some things that help me. First of all, if I am going to one day relapse, then I should enjoy the time I have right now:) instead of worrying about what could happen in the future. I love feeling better:).

If I relapse again, then it won't be any worse than what I've already experienced. I've lived life that way, and if I have to start from square one, I will. I've already survived it once. However, I just don't think it will be exactly the same. I have a feeling that some of these people who are back at square one aren't going to really be there that long. Sometimes, I get anxious, and I am nowhere near what I used to be, but I will catastrophize.

Finally, I am the mother of a child with severe autism. He has regressive autism, where he lost skills, and I was helpless to stop the regression. I kept thinking that I was going to have a heart attack, etc. However, all I got was some serious anxiety. I remember that I went to a heart doctor to reassure myself, and I said, "I just think that my son's autism is going to kill me." He was a heart doctor who had seen it all, and he said, "No. The good Lord made the heart strong. Also, if you actually had a physical problem with your heart, that would be easier to fix than what you are going through emotionally." Those words comforted me. Also, people rarely die from "shock". The brain has all kinds of ways of protecting us from tragedies. If you had an underlying heart condition, which I doubt, yes, certain strains can put you at risk, but it is the underlying condition, and not the actually shock of the event that causes the problem. Actually, when you go to fear that you could have a heart problem if your loved one passes, just remember that that is actually a "distraction" that your brain is using to keep you from thinking about the grief and pain that would be associated with a loved one's passing.

I think you've gotten great advice from the previous posters already, but I just felt like adding a few thoughts.

Take care,
luvpiggy

thank you Boon, your advices are always great and reassuring. i do get frustated with myself that i need this from ppl, but i guess its alright for the time being and in time i won't need ppl to tell me that things will be already. thank you again!!!
Luvpiggy-THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! i know that the previous posts were full of GREAT ADVICE and so was yours. thank you for helping me with the heart attack thing. i'm sure the question will pop up again, but i'll get through it i guess.
BOON, you know since a started having anxiety my mind came up with all these things that were scary, like " oh you won't be able to fly, again, go out again, drive again, shower again have a child again. etc but through practise i have been able to do all these things again and i continue to do these things, i even got pregnant again( yes, its the cause of some of my anxiety at the moment, but its not as bad as i imagined, well so far) but the death of grandmas is something i havent address and obviously its not something you can practise with so thats why i still have great anxiety over it. i imgaine someone telling me she has died and first thing that happens is my heart starts to race and my thoughts are all scary and my mind gets all fuzzy. and i always think and this is only me thinking about someone tell me, so what will happen when someone ACTUALLY does!!! arrrrrgh! its painful!!