Stress Center Peer Support

Salinger is a relative hermit. Living in New York City, he hasn’t been publicly interviewed since 1980 and hasn’t published an original work since 1965. The work for which he is best know is now nearly 60 years old. The author scarcely leaves his home and there are very few people who have regular communication with him. Despite the fact that Salinger has been nearly completely secluded for over 20 years he is still one of the most well known, though not well read, modern American authors. The hermit has a following!

What’s my point? Basically this — sometimes I think I might be better off just becoming a hermit like Salinger. This week has been pretty tough for me. I’ve had several panic attacks and feel like I’ve taken a step backward. Friday night we had a wonderful time at my sister’s house celebrating my niece’s birthday. There were many friends there and I stayed until nearly midnight. It was a great time — but, Saturday morning I was in a terrible state of panic. I had an attack at breakfast and I felt bad most of the remainder of the day. Last night as I lay in bed, I started thinking about J.D. Salinger … what would be the harm in being a hermit? It has certainly worked for them.

....read the rest and join the discussion (open and free to anyone)...

http://jwalkergs.wordpress.com/

Hi,

I don't think Salinger planned on being a hermit as a means for success, but I didn't read the website:). Yes, it's important for all of us with anxiety to know that we have value, that we have gifts and skills that we can use whether we have anxiety or not. However, being a hermit doesn't necessarily mean that that's the road to a fulfilling life, especially when that isn't a life that you form out of your own choosing. It's all about choice and freedom. Are you going to make a decision to become a hermit out of freedom or are you going to make that decision out of fear- which is not freedom? If you didn't have fear and anxiety, would you honestly choose to be a hermit?

So, I'll have to read the complete story to understand it all, and I'd have to spend some time psychoanalyzing Salinger, which won't happen, but the truth is that we really don't know him personally and his reasons for being a hermit. I'm not saying that there's never a time to take it easy, to slow down, to take the pressure off of yourself, to spend some time in self-discovery, especially if you have adrenal fatigue from a life of chronic stress, etc. However, usually if you choose to become secluded because you are running away from fear, it can get to the point like where Patsy Clairmont a Christian speaker and author with past agoraphobia said, "Where can I go to hide, down the bath tub drain?" That is a very painful place to be, and I've been there. Understanding that it's what's inside, and not what's outside can be very liberating and frightening at the same time, but it's very worth it in the long run to stop focusing on the external. Being out and about may be causing you anxiety, but the answer is to build your internal resources to deal with the external. This may be through boundaries in your relationships with others, improving your coping skills to handle stress, listening to your body before your anxiety gets out of hand, etc.

I have a son with severe autism. I tend to see the world differently because of it, and our family isn't usually accepted by conventional society. This world is just not set up for people who are "different" or disabled, who know that there value isn't based on their performance, etc. As time goes on, I feel most comfortable relaxing around my husband and son who both have disabilities and my dog:). They are more genuine, accepting, etc. At the same time, I should make that decision out of freedom. For example, in the past, my agoraphobia kept me from going to the grocery store. It was connected to my son. If I took my son to the grocery store, he had behaviors that made everyone look at him. That's stressful. If I leave him at home, I'm acknowledging that the reason he isn't at the store with me is because he is "disabled", and I'm different from everyone else. I hated that. I hated walking down the isles, getting the stares, comparing my life to what could have been if he didn't have autism, seeing how easy it appeared to be for other families, etc. I started refraining from shopping at the grocery store, but this wasn't out of choice, it was out of fear because I thought our family wasn't good enough. I needed to learn that despite my son's autism, we are a family who has value as much as any other family. His autism isn't some judgment on us as a family. We are valuable enough to be able to go the grocery store like any other family. When I learned that, I went back to the grocery store. When I learned boundaries and assertiveness to speak and to stand up for our family when appropriate or to educate others about autism who were staring, I made the decision to go to the store out of confidence. So, I think it's all about motivations. If you want to be a hermit, become a hermit, but don't do it because you are running from fear! Fear can be a messenger, but you can't run from it. You have to deal with it-that doesn't necessarily mean all at once. You just had a set back, and there's no need for extreme measures because of it. I don't know why you had a panic attack after a great evening, but you had a great evening while you were out and about at your neice's party which means that you had some time when you didn't have an attack when you weren't being a hermit:). I'm not your therapist or anyone's:), so I don't know what's really going on, but I can guess that becoming a hermit won't give you the peace you are looking for. It's also a really faulty assumption to assume that seclusion out of fear automatically makes one famous.

Take care,
luvpiggy

Hey...thanks for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your words and encouragement. I guess I was sort of using Salinger as more of an example than anything else. The only two real hermits I know of are him and Howard Hughes and, well, we all know how he turned out. So, I wanted to find the most positive example of a hermit I possibly could! LOL! I like what you said though, if I want to become a hermit do it out of freedom and not fear. You're right -- if I make the choice out of freedom I wouldn't choose being a hermit.

An interesting thought came to me this morning...I went out for dinner again last night with friends and was fine during the time I was there. Then, this morning I had another panic attack...a BAD one. It's almost like I'm able to hold it in and keep it under control while I'm in public, but when I get home alone I lose it. How weird is that? Oh, it's all weird to me. None of it makes any sense!

hi jay i am the same! the only conclusion i have come to is the fact that i have to much time thinking and i can think myself into a panic attack.. im good at that. i find it a very hard skill to be able to relax. relax! the word even scares me. i am training myself into doing this and belive me its hard i dont even like the sensation of feeling relaxed. maybe this it the same for you.. i dont know but it sounds familier to me. take care and hemits are happy when relaxed and so are outgoing people . so i think the key is to be relaxed and happy good luck to us all..

Thanks, Poppy. Yeah, the word relax is really foreign to me. When someone tells me to relax I usually say I don't know how...and that's true. I've always been pretty tightly wound and intense. I guess maybe it's caught up with me now. My best wishes to you, too!!

Jason and Poppy -

I also tend to have a lot of "residual" anxiety. I think what is happening in my case is that I am using so much energy during a particular event or situation, that when it is over I let down my defenses and then anxiety attacks. Since I've already spent myself getting through the situation that I was nervous about, by the time it has passed, I've got no strength left. This seems logical to me.

As for being a hermit, I believe LuvPiggy summed up all my thoughts very nicely. Becoming a hermit because you are afraid won't stop the fear from following you into you're hiding place. In that case, you'll not only be afraid, but alone too. It's a trap you don't want to enter.

Best of luck,
Jamie