Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 3:59 am
errr... my first message got lost.... (have to be sure to copy this one to a doc).
This has been my first week with the program and I found listening to my body and tracking my anxiety helpful but also unsettling as I don't know how to fix it.
I generally get moderately anxious going to work and for the first hour or so I'm a bit jittery, hungry, woozy but end up getting through it. This past week I was confronted by a couple of superiors with 'constructive critizism' and I feel like I lose it. My profession deals with a lot of judgement calls and personal preferences to some extent so there is always differences in how certain senior people like things done etc but when I'm confronted with these I take it so personally - like I'm useless, they think I'm a moron, how the heck did I ever make it this far cause I'm so dumb... they must think I'm and idiot. I then proceed to get really frustrated and angry with myself as I know I shouldn't take it personally but I don't know how to stop. I also worry that I'll try to explain my rational and lose it on someone and then they'll really think I an idiot and maybe I'll lose my job. I really struggle with the critisim and it can make me panic for hours. I spent a whole day and most of the next (the next day it happened again) all fired up and in overdrive... I was so exhausted at the end of the day I really realized this is not good for me. I just don't know how to let it go. I tried breathing, going for a walk, listening to the relaxation and nothing helped the anxiety just kept hanging there.... needless to say I didn't feel very good at my job when I was all clouded with anger and frustration and feeling low. eeerrr, I don't know how to be better? I remember I used to like my job and going to work, it was exciting and rewarding... now I just feel like crap, and at the end of the day I'm so burned out I don't feel like doing anything else that might be fun or good for me.
This has been my first week with the program and I found listening to my body and tracking my anxiety helpful but also unsettling as I don't know how to fix it.
I generally get moderately anxious going to work and for the first hour or so I'm a bit jittery, hungry, woozy but end up getting through it. This past week I was confronted by a couple of superiors with 'constructive critizism' and I feel like I lose it. My profession deals with a lot of judgement calls and personal preferences to some extent so there is always differences in how certain senior people like things done etc but when I'm confronted with these I take it so personally - like I'm useless, they think I'm a moron, how the heck did I ever make it this far cause I'm so dumb... they must think I'm and idiot. I then proceed to get really frustrated and angry with myself as I know I shouldn't take it personally but I don't know how to stop. I also worry that I'll try to explain my rational and lose it on someone and then they'll really think I an idiot and maybe I'll lose my job. I really struggle with the critisim and it can make me panic for hours. I spent a whole day and most of the next (the next day it happened again) all fired up and in overdrive... I was so exhausted at the end of the day I really realized this is not good for me. I just don't know how to let it go. I tried breathing, going for a walk, listening to the relaxation and nothing helped the anxiety just kept hanging there.... needless to say I didn't feel very good at my job when I was all clouded with anger and frustration and feeling low. eeerrr, I don't know how to be better? I remember I used to like my job and going to work, it was exciting and rewarding... now I just feel like crap, and at the end of the day I'm so burned out I don't feel like doing anything else that might be fun or good for me.
