Stress Center Peer Support

Lucinda mentions in the tapes and workbook how children of alcoholics are prone to anxiety. I'm just wondering how many people in this forum have had similar experiences.

I'm 40 years old and my Father has been recovered for 30 years. He has always struggled with depression, anxiety. We have always maintained a relationship, but recently I'm realizing some deep scars have been etched into me due to a need to be his caregiving in the capacity of his conservator. This role and some of his frustration and own personal fears have stirred up past bad memories from my childhood. I feel like I'm 8 years old and I've been obsessed with gaining control and trying to make everything "safe" and trying to keep him happy, but it is all beyond one control to do those things. He has some brain injury and dementia, bi-polar and PTDD but is still living on his own with my assistance, but probably could not without my help.

I'm looking for some love or acceptance from a diminished person and I'm grieving see him decline. It is like I'm looking for something from him that I didn't receive as a child and probably never will and I'm having a difficult time keeping emotional perspective. The mind sees it for what it is, but the body is reacting with fear/anxiety that he is going to hurt me like he did throughout my childhood while trying to be loving and compassionate in this caregiving role.

Has anyone had similar feelings as the adult child of an alcoholic or what kinds of emotions do you deal with?

My father was an alcoholic but he died when I was only 3 years old. So I don't know how it could've affected me. I don't even remember him.

Hi Sandilyn
Sorry you have alot to deal with right now.My Dad was an alky and he died 10yrs ago from stroke complications. He hadn't drank in ages but he still had all the lovely attitudes drunks get and the anger and rage issues. I didn't have to deal with him too much in his later life but I did have a relationship with someone who was an alcoholic and its horrible and what helped me SO MUCH was going to Alanon. I met some awesome ladies who had been married to men 30plus years that were alcoholics and they had such amazing advice and support for me. I strongly suggest finding an Alanon group in your area and go to a month or two of meetings and see what you think?
Take care,
Jill~

When I was a child my parents enrolled us in alcoholics services program and I thought I worked through alot of issues and my Mother, who has passed away, went to AlAnon in the early days, but I never have attended myself. I'm so surprised that these feelings are resurfacing now. I'm not sure if it is dealing with an "alcholic personality" or if I'm just catastrophizing or "what ifing" where this intensive role is leading. Probably a combination of both. Thank you very much for your reply.

I'm sure the alcoholism has caused a great deal of the anxiety. I just got out of a relationship with an alcoholic. I feel like a weight has lifted off of me!

All of the anger and the stress has caused so much of my anxiety. Just the stress of not knowing what will anger him, or when. I was always waiting for him to get angry about something. It didn't take a big problem to make him angry either. He got angry at the smallest things. And it was always explosive anger.

Very draining!

Deedee
Bravo for moving on. Its so hard to do but when I look back Alanon saved me from many years of pain and heartache and walking on egg shells too. I thought I was showing him Christian Love by "helping" and I realized I was enabling the bad behaviors to continue. I cut him off cold turkey and it took me a very long time to get over the pain of that but I know it was the right thing to do.
There's so many things that can so easily get us caught up in anxiety. Alcoholics can be such master manipulators of our time and energy and emotion and they can justify every ounce of it till you are on your knees asking for Their forgiveness. It goes so deep and is so layerd that finding support is so crucial in my book. It helped me tons going to a group.
Take care
J~