Stress Center Peer Support

HELP!
as the spouse of someone suffering from stess and anxiety - how do i deal when i am being told i am the problem (when i know i have played a part, but the stress and anxiety i had nothing to do with)
now my spouse wants a divorce _ and i HATE the idea

HELP!

Gee, I don't really know what to say to you, but no one else seems to be answering either. Maybe because we are on the other end of the problem. Would your spouse consider going to couples therapy? Since your spouse has the program, in the Introduction packet, there are 2 CD's. One is the relaxation CD and the other is entitled I will Be There for You! It says it "will provide insight, understanding and guidelines to supportyou on your juorney from anxiety and depression" and is intended for a parent, spouse or other loved one. I don't know what it says, because my husband pretty much lets me do whatever and has been pretty good about this whole thing, so I have never asked him to listen to it. Maybe it can give you some insight and after you listen to it, you and your spouse can discuss it.

Hope this is some help. You are right, divorce is a pretty serious move, unless abuse is involved. Then I would have to agree with your spouse and say it is probably for the best.

we actually listened to that tape together and i have been very supportive - she does not want couples counseling and the only abuse is her verbal abuse of me
basically - its over - thnks for taking the time

DMW,

I am sorry . Sometimes when a person is hurting, they lash out and try to blame others. I know this is tough for you too. It is sad, but if you need some help, write in. These people on this forum are really wonderful. Sometimes, I think this anxiety crap makes us more compassionate people because when you are hurting, you can't stand to see others hurting either and you try to help them.

I guess you just have to move on with your life. I know it won't be easy, but both partners have to WORK at a marriage. A good marriage doesn't just fall on you and you are fortunate if your partner is as committed to working at as you are.

There are some situations you can't fix and for your own mental health, you have to recognize that. Sounds like you do.

DMW,

Sorry to hear what you're going through. If I might add a bit of insight. When I'm stressed, I tend to want to be alone during the process. If I'm having an anxiety or panic attack, I want someone around. I know it makes no sense. It makes no sense to me. In any case, just try to be there when she needs you, but if she says she wants to be alone, don't even bother asking why. Just tell her it's fine, and that you're ready to help or talk when she needs it. That's all you can really do. I hope you can still salvage your marriage.

W