Stress Center Peer Support

This my second week and I'm already learning and reconizing some things about the way and think and learning to think differently to change it. This morning I learned that most of my attacks come from the way I deal with anger. I have no skills for coping with it. I get angry about something, usually something that someone else did that made me feel deceived, then it turns to fear because I know that I cannot do anything about it and begin to wonder what else they could do that will cause me problems in the future. Any suggestions?

Dear Kandy,

Remember anger hides fear!!! Ask yourself what am I so afraid of? Try to pinpoint the fear...

Also, we tend to expect people to behave in the like-wise manner, in which we behave. You may want to stand back for a while and try observing another's behavior!!! Maybe, that person is just having a "bad day"....Usually, it has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Everyone has problems in this life...Maybe, they are going through a rough period!!!

Try and lower you expectations of others. None of us are perfect and every one of us has our own set of problems. I think it is wise to try and under-react to the actions and words of others for a week!!! That helped me tremendously!!!

Some people just try to push our buttons. Just under-react to these people by telling yourself that they are not worth spending your precious time on. Remember, you are a very valuable person, and you deserve taking care of!!!!

Step back for 24 hours and don't respond to these type of people. If we do something in haste, we tend to regret our own actions. This space allows us the time to "cool down"....A lot of times, we will find that our anger dissipates after the 24 hour period!!!

You may want to try and comfort the "inner child" within. There is an "inner child" within all of us. The "adult you" may want to hold that "inner child" close to you, and tell it how much you love it and how you will always take excellent care of it...Tell it that it is safe now, and that you will always be there for it!!!

If you can not remember what you looked like at a certain age, then, look back over some pictures of yourself during these different ages in your life. A lot of times throughout the years, the "adult us" tend to leave the "inner child" behind. So, nurture your "inner child" every chance you get!!!

I pray this helps to answer your questions...God Bless

Hello there:
I liked your reply, Ms T.
I think you are so right about the fear.
Your other suggestions make a lot of sense too.
I've had a problem with anger myself. And always it is fear.
Have a good week-end, everyone.
MJ

Thanks Ms. T Bones. Yes I agree it is fear rooted!! Yuck. This wek I am learning to combat my negative thoughts with positive thoughts . It's my third week. I know I need to be able to think of poditive appropriate responses to the situations that cause fear so that I come out of attack mode. That is the result of my anger weather I act on it or not. Destructive. I need to have the confidence to do or think what is appropriate no matter what someone else does. Right now I'm developing the ability to seperate myself from my thoughts so that I can start working on a solution. Cause when I say to myself ' Oh no.....' then I loose all ability to think clearly. Thanks for the encouragement !!!

You are sooo welcome Kandy!!! God Bless!!