Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:40 am
One of my biggest phobias is illness. It has been since I was a little kid. When I was a kid we lived with my great grandmother and great-great aunt. My grandmother had a lot of illnesses — heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes among them. But, I think she was not as sick as she thought she was. Was she a hypochondriac? No, I don’t believe so…she was really sick; but I think there were many times that she had symptoms generated more from depression and anxiety than her ver real illnesses. I remember my mom having to call an ambulance during the middle of the night to take her to the hospital several times.
I think being a kid who was already anxious made me even more sensitive to my surroundings. My dad left us when I was about three years old and both of my grandmothers passed away within two years of my parents divorce. I don’t remember much about either of them, but I remember enough to know that I didn’t understand the concept of death and dying. From that young age I began to feel insecure about the people around me and I was afraid of losing more of them. Seeing my grandmother suffer as often as I did deepened that sense of insecurity and instilled a real fear of illness in me.
Yes, I had a full blown panic attack yesterday morning. The upset stomach and being tired from the long weekend sent me over the edge. I felt the anxiety building and instead of doing the relaxation exercises and self-talk that “Combatting Stress and Depression Program” teaches. I let the anxiety win. Honestly, I feel like I took a pretty big step backward yesterday. It had been four days since I’d had a full blown panic attack and I wanted to make it five. But, it didn’t happen. The actual panic attack didn’t last very long, but I was anxious most of the day.
Read my latest journal update on my blog and get in on the coversation:
http://jwalkergs.wordpress.com/
I think being a kid who was already anxious made me even more sensitive to my surroundings. My dad left us when I was about three years old and both of my grandmothers passed away within two years of my parents divorce. I don’t remember much about either of them, but I remember enough to know that I didn’t understand the concept of death and dying. From that young age I began to feel insecure about the people around me and I was afraid of losing more of them. Seeing my grandmother suffer as often as I did deepened that sense of insecurity and instilled a real fear of illness in me.
Yes, I had a full blown panic attack yesterday morning. The upset stomach and being tired from the long weekend sent me over the edge. I felt the anxiety building and instead of doing the relaxation exercises and self-talk that “Combatting Stress and Depression Program” teaches. I let the anxiety win. Honestly, I feel like I took a pretty big step backward yesterday. It had been four days since I’d had a full blown panic attack and I wanted to make it five. But, it didn’t happen. The actual panic attack didn’t last very long, but I was anxious most of the day.
Read my latest journal update on my blog and get in on the coversation:
http://jwalkergs.wordpress.com/