Stress Center Peer Support

I've been in a relationship for a year now with a guy that I'm crazy about. Huge fight about a month ago and he has been pulling away. Said he needed space, and I've tried. I've entered counseling and it seems to help, but some days are better than others. We still spend time together, but it's just not enough for me.
He'll send me a text, i'll reply, and then not hear from him for 1....3...7...12....19 hours. Sometimes I'm ok with it, others I go mad in my head. Wondering if he's playing games and thinking that it's so rude to ignore someones messages. He'll tell me that his phone was in his room, etc. and he didn't have it. Sometimes, I let my anger take over and will send really rude messages telling him that it's sick to prey on my weakness (I happen to think it's terribly rude to NOT reply to someone). Once he sees the messages, he gets mad that I was so rude and tells me that I'm the only person in the world that thinks someone should HAVE TO reply to a stupid message. I then feel guilty and apologize.
I know I'm pusihing him away, but my obsession with him is so strong, it's hard to break contact. I know that it's my own lack of self esteem that makes me feel "out of sight, out of mind" and that if he's not constantly in contact with me that he doesn't miss me or care.
I want to do my best to not smother and go nuts, but it's so damn hard.
Reading other posts and peoples advice seems to calm me down.
Help.....

I also want to add that I do know that men like independant women that can stay busy and stand on their own two feet. When I'm strong and don't bug the crap out of him, he tends to get closer again....contact me more often, etc. So then why on earth can't I just be like that all of the time? Who wants a needy nut case? I know I have to step off if I want to keep him. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

On another note, about the text messaging thing....don't you feel that it's common courtesy to respond to someone? If he doesn't reply right away, I'm ok....but as time goes by, I get so frustrated that someone can have such a lack of courtesy that it makes me keep texting....

Obsession sucks!

Hello Queen,

On the texting, it's pretty common for people to not respond or to get back to you several hours or even days later. There's no more meaning in it than what you give to it. I've found that if I texted someone who didn't get back to me in a day or two that a simple phone call would suffice to follow up on my text. It just depends on the importance of the text and if a reply is really warranted. I wish you luck in working on your obsessions.

Hi Queen!

You really need to find something to do to keep your mind occupied. Find some hobby that you would love to do often. You'll start feeling better about yourself.

When you start feeling better about yourself, the less things like that will mean to you.

You'll start focusing more on yourself.

It's important for you to have you time too! When both people have lives outside of each others,you bring all those interests and happiness into the relationship. I learnt this the hard way as well. My boyfriend and I broke up for a short while. I wanted to spend every waking moment together and when we weren't together I felt rejected. But the reality was, I was suffocating him and wasn't taking care of myself. I gave up ALL my hobbies, not intentionally, I was just so obsessed about being with him all of the time. Now we take time to ourselves and it is SO much more balanced. We look forward to seeing each other more, we have hobbies to pursue. It just makes for a happier relationship.

I know this is ALL very difficult when you're in the relationship. The break that we took really allowed me to put things in perspective and realize the things that were missing in my life. I'm sure you'll figure it out

I told him last night that I was now the one that needed space. That we should cut off all contact for awhile while we both figure out what we want (I ultimately want him, but I also won't settle for someone that isn't sure if he wants or loves me). He freaked out....yelled that I was breaking up with him, hung up on me. Then proceeded to send a million text messages that this time it's permanant, etc. I'm scared to death that in time he WON'T come to the realization that he wants and loves me, but I guess it's a chance I have to take.
= (

QueenB, I think you did the right thing. This guy doesn't sound like he's being very nice to you. I think this break is a good idea so that you can both evaluate things. By the way he reacted, it sounds like he has A LOT of maturing to do.

Queen,

I don't think you should have done that. It just didn't sound that serious to me. I just think you were obsessive and just needed something to do to take your focus off him.

It didn't sound bad enough to lose your relationship over.

......unless there's more gotng on that you didn't tell us.