Stress Center Peer Support

I just recently went back to school last week and it went OK, for the most part. I'm 24, and I haven't been in school since I was 19. I was looking forward to school and trying to make some new friends...but when I got there I was SO SHY and nervous and I didn't talk to anyone. In one of my classes which is Piano 1 class I had some trouble...the thing is I've been playing piano since I was a child and I was told I could test out of piano 1, but when I asked the teacher she was extremely rude to be and basically just told me I couldn't without even asking me what I knew on the piano. She said "what are you doing here then if you can play the piano so well?" And I told her it's because I was trying to get a music degree and her class is mandatory. She mocked me and said "oh, you're trying to earn a music degree.." it was her tone of voice more than anything that made me so upset. But I was so angry/embarassed that I started turning red and having an anxiety attack..my throat got dry, and I asked her if there was another night I could take her class. So, I have to go back on MOnday night. I'm so nervous about it because she upset me so badly. The class is 4 hours long, which is why I feel so angry about having to sit there all know and "learn" things I learned when I was 10 years old. I was told I could play certain things that they review in class and test out of the class. Maybe I still can, but I get so anxious and nervous about having to talk to people about things like this that are really important to me..I have a hard time being assertive. She knew I was nervous and awkward and she took advantage of it and basically shooed me away and that's what angered me so much. On top of all this I was sick that night which made me anxiety worse I think. Excuse my rambling, I just really needed to vent and I hope maybe someone has some advice for me. Thanks everyone.

Hi Carla, What an unpleasant experience. I'm sorry that it happened to you.

I have had school anxiety since I was a kid. Now I even work in a school, so I understand how you feel. You are absolutely right about her taking advantage of you. This has happened to me many times and I get so angry that I let people speak to me that way. I just started a new job at a new school and something similar happened to me with the head of the school. She was so nasty and unprofessional that I was dumbfounded. I hadn't done anything wrong, and would have absolutely done anything she asked. There was no reason to be nasty. After it happened, I was convinced that I was going to quit my job. I was so mad at myself that I let it happen. Once I took a minute I realized that her reaction had nothing to do with me. She doesn't know me. This was the first time we had ever spoken. Don't beat yourself up, your question was justified. Her reaction is her problem, not yours. Some people find power in treating others like that. On some level it made her feel better about something miserable in her life. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to prevent people from being rude, except change your reaction to it. Its hard, especially for people such as us, who are shy and unsure of ourselves. It's hard to change, and I have only been able to address it through therapy and as you can see, I continue to struggle with it.

My therapist suggests that whenever going into a social situation to have the attitude that everyone would be happy to speak to you. Studies have shown that when you convince yourself of that, you are perceived as more confident and friendly.

As for the class, if you really think that you don't have to take the class, I would call or email (I know that for me, I can be much more assertive through email) the department. I wouldn't take someone else's word for it. Often times, when I have to speak to someone over phone or in person, I rehearse it, or write it down. That way I can get out everything I want to say. If you can change great. Even if you have to talk to the teacher again. You can say you spoke to the department head and that you would like to schedule an appointment to test out of the program as per department policy. I doubt she could say no. It will be hard, but you can do it.

Hope that helps!

Hi Carla...I used to be the same way! At 45, I am now working on my doctorate and I have come to realize not to take everything a teacher tells me as fact. They are human and subjective... I now have this mindset -- I pay TONS of money for my education and the instructor needs to guide, direct, mentor, and support me. If you are not doing that...then the instructor and I have to sit down and have a positive, productive, and proactive conversation. These can be stressful times - but take charge of your education!