Stress Center Peer Support

My dad fell today and is in the ICU with bleeding in the brain, and will require a operation in the next few days as well.

I have been struggling with agoraphobia, and while I have been making good improvements, I an in no way ready to go up above the 1st floor (I fear not being near a door to leave if I have to). I am so ashamed to say that I only made it at the ER for 10 minutes today and had to leave. He is my dad, and has always been there for me, how in the world do I miraculously snap out of my problem and do something that scares me to death?????

10 minutes in a hospital with agoraphobia is pretty amazing. The attacks may be happening because of your dad's health. You are more than likely worried and it's coming out as panic and agoraphobia. Next time you go, concentrate on your breathing. Think of nothing else. Once you've calmed down, go and see your dad. You need to learn to force yourself to stay longer, even if it's an extra 5 minutes. Keep in mind that wherever you are in the hospitol, there's always a way out.

Hope you don't think this sounds mean, because I don't intend it in that way. But now is the time for you to be a Warrior and not a Worrier. The best way and really only way to get over panic is to face it square in the face. Remember how they used to talk about girding up their loins before battle in the Bible? Well, you need to tell yourself "you are absolutely going to see your father and if you have a panic attack, so what?" It won't kill you, nobody else will even know it is happening unless you tell them about it and besides you'll be a a hospital if you start feeling too bad.

Like the person said in the former post, do your deep breathing--you have already done really well in that you made it to the hospital once. Be proud of yourself. Anybody would be extremely worried in this situation. And manofmusic is absolutely right--if you have to, just stay a short time. Long visits in the hospital are hard on the patient anyway.

Good luck to you and I'll say a prayer for your dad to fully recover and for you to be able to go visit him.

How you ask?

Because your love for your father is GREATER than your fear!

Because you go in Love. Your Love and your Loyalty is much Stronger than your puny fear.

Your name says it all! You made a choice. You have reinvented yourself! New you does a new thing! Deep in you is a courageous soul that is making choices for life. You are ready! You will do it! You are no one's coward. You are sick of your self imposed prison!
You will break these shackles of shame!

A great man lies in grave condition and you will be at his side. You have made your choice already and we will not speak of fear any
more except in past tense!

Go with great trembling and courage. Yes, they do co-exist. You will not disappoint yourself in this matter! You are an over comer and it is your desire. Your next post will be in the Triumphs Column.

Well said Ronda. I too believe in you. Like Ronda said, you can do it. Many of us have done things that terrified us. Remember Session 2 in Lucinda's program. Go over it tonight and then go out and do what you want to do, which is visit your dad.

The advice given has been great. This is the time you are going to have to face your fears, and in a way it's sad that it's come to this, that a family member is suffering, but if this hadn't have happened, you'd still be in your comfort zone.

Just go for it, and like one of the previous responses says "get through the panic..." for your dad!

Sometimes terrible events can cause us to deal with our difficulties head on! Do your best and I think it was a huge effort for you to stay 10 minutes - Do your best! Prayers out to you!

Thanks, all! Your words are amazing, and have touched me deeply. Dad is having a 2nd ct scan in a few hours to check on the bleeding in his brain. If all goes well, he will be moved up to a normal room and out of ICU tomorrow...where the fun begins for me.

Over the years, I have been hospitalized multiple times with doctors always thinking I had heart problems when it was most likey, in retrospect, anxiety. I was misdiagnosed, given terrible heart pills, etc...and I am so terrified of hospitals and doctors now - even when I'm not the patient.

My fascination with being near a door has only gotten worse this summer. I wasn't this bad a year ago. I know I need to be there for him, I'm "Daddy's Girl" and I can never let him down.

I am not afraid of the typical panic attack symptoms (i.e., racing heart), I can breathe thru those. It's my new symptom that started this summer that has had a hold on me...extreme dizziness which is not amusing as my anxious fear is fainting. When I stepped in the ER today, I got so unbelievably dizzy and that's why I went racing back out.

How do you work past the dizziness?

RM when the dizziness comes just follow those steps to overcoming a panic attack - recognize the fear, tell yourself that it's just some panic, do the breathing and then get your mind on something else. I have shared this before on the forum, but when my fear starts to dissipate and I feel empowered enough I invite the fear back and egg it on. It actually never comes back when I do this and makes me feel very strong and powerful against it.

You can do this. Once you get over it a couple of times keep going, get in a room away from the door, as far away as possible just to test those limits, you'll be surprised at how far you can take it, and isn't it great that you'll be doing this for your dad, you'll never regret this - but you will regret not doing anything so take that leap of faith and face the fear - head on.

Tell yourself that you are intentionally putting yourself in a situation that will cause you dizziness. You are now in the driver's seat. This is how you heal. You put yourself in situations that cause you distress. Use your tools. This is how you learn that YOU CAN HANDLE IT! You make it OK to be in these situations. You are now letting go of resistance and taking your life back. It gets easier and easier each time you do it.

Also, pay close attention to your father and his needs. This will help you to move through the experience.

Drop the guilt. There is no need for guilt. Have compassion for yourself. Nuture and soothe yourself through this entire experience. And, when this over remember to pat yourself on the back. It's not about doing something without anxiety. It's about doing it and moving through it. Feeling it and coming out the other side of it. Victory!!!!

We are all here for you.