Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 7:47 am
I have been SCARED, PANICKY- like my chest is going to implode, my energy level is shot, my digestive is knotted with fear, my eyes feel sunken and are circled darkly, apparently I can't keep this fearful look off my face- this look that accompanies this pit of a feeling in my stomach- INSECURITY.
Some may be thinking: well- do you really want this job then?
And I have to answers to that:
YES if I can overcome this experience
NO if this sensation is never gonna go away until I literally have a heart attack...
Now I am also haunted by the idea that I could suddenly feel like this again at any moment- panic-stricken and frozen with fear!
It's embarassing, but it also makes me feel inferior...
OFCOURSE: anyone who has ever started a new job can attest to the stresses and anxiety a new job comes with, no matter how small the job.
Well, this job is known for high-burnout rates, but is a highly rewarding job. I am starting at this company which provides community rehabilitation and reintegration services to wonderful (but often difficult) people who deal with Mental Health or MR challenges. I am going to school for this too...
Long story summed up- I started studying Mental Health and pursuing a degree in it because I struggle with depression and anxiety on an ongoing basis, and I have known many great people in my life time who struggle with similar difficulties: if not everyone does.
After a lull in my work history I decided to finally pursue this area in my career, knowing it is challenging.
Well, here I am with very little supports- my family is pretty well burnt and stressed right now anyway, so I am feeling alone, but further- my anxiety has gone THROUGH THE ROOF!
I have been experiencing breakouts like I've never seen- my face is so bad. But that is certainly not the worst of it. I am experiencing such a lapse in confidence and feeling really insecure about whether or not I can handle this job- the reason being my anxiety and depression. ON THE OTHER HAND: the reason I really want to stick with it is exactly those two things: anxiety and depression.
I see this as a perfect opportunity to overcome those, but I also feel like I am on the rickety-edge of a slippery slope!!!!
HELP! I don't want to fall off into the deep end, but I feel like all the world is working against me!!!
I am owning up to my fear, now if only I could get it under control!!!
Some may be thinking: well- do you really want this job then?
And I have to answers to that:
YES if I can overcome this experience
NO if this sensation is never gonna go away until I literally have a heart attack...
Now I am also haunted by the idea that I could suddenly feel like this again at any moment- panic-stricken and frozen with fear!
It's embarassing, but it also makes me feel inferior...
OFCOURSE: anyone who has ever started a new job can attest to the stresses and anxiety a new job comes with, no matter how small the job.
Well, this job is known for high-burnout rates, but is a highly rewarding job. I am starting at this company which provides community rehabilitation and reintegration services to wonderful (but often difficult) people who deal with Mental Health or MR challenges. I am going to school for this too...
Long story summed up- I started studying Mental Health and pursuing a degree in it because I struggle with depression and anxiety on an ongoing basis, and I have known many great people in my life time who struggle with similar difficulties: if not everyone does.
After a lull in my work history I decided to finally pursue this area in my career, knowing it is challenging.
Well, here I am with very little supports- my family is pretty well burnt and stressed right now anyway, so I am feeling alone, but further- my anxiety has gone THROUGH THE ROOF!
I have been experiencing breakouts like I've never seen- my face is so bad. But that is certainly not the worst of it. I am experiencing such a lapse in confidence and feeling really insecure about whether or not I can handle this job- the reason being my anxiety and depression. ON THE OTHER HAND: the reason I really want to stick with it is exactly those two things: anxiety and depression.
I see this as a perfect opportunity to overcome those, but I also feel like I am on the rickety-edge of a slippery slope!!!!
HELP! I don't want to fall off into the deep end, but I feel like all the world is working against me!!!
I am owning up to my fear, now if only I could get it under control!!!