Social Anxiety

TerpsMan15 · Post by **TerpsMan15** » Sun Aug 09, 2009 9:08 am

hey guys,
I never really realized the social anxiety disorder that I had until I had a therapist finally clarify exactly what it was. Until I truly get to know someone and feel comfortable that they won't hate me for what I say, then I finally will be openly social with them. Other than that, I can be very quiet sometimes, and like other people have stated in their posts, sometimes I feel like I have to think of things to say or I have nothing to say at all. Is there anyone that can offer advice to get better and get through this disorder?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 09, 2009 9:35 am

I have social anxiety too. I tend to hide behind my husband alot. I dont talk to others in public and I find I will not go out into places where I have to talk to people. It is a deblitating disorder and it makes me sad.

Karen L · Post by **Karen L** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 3:49 pm

Yes, it's really tough. I also have always struggled with it. I have found that the program has improved my life quite a bit in this area. Instead of 10 out of 10 social experiences ending up in fear, being quiet and self hating, now only 3 or 4 out of 10 end up that way. So for now I just take it that way. That I have to be social and put myself out there all ten times and deal with the 3 or 4 times I know will happen because there are 6 or 7 times that are gonna be great. And let me tell you, those times that are great...they are so soo nice, and brand new to me who has always been "the quiet" one in groups. People used to always (and sometimes still do) ask me "what's wrong?" ohh how i hated that!. but now I am enjoying socializing about half the time. The other half is mostly bearable and are times where Im glad I atleast got out of the house, and then a small percentage is terrible. But I guess then Ill never be perfect, and no one else is anyway.
-SN

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 2:30 am

That's true; no one is perfect. In fact, some people are more shy than others. Fears of what others MIGHT think or feel about everything you say or do can be overwhelming. That fear alone takes over your thoughts so much that it's hard to think. The confused, blank, and scared mind. I think of it as the "Fight or Flight" response that happens mentally and physically, without the actual leaving the room (though that does happen with social anxiety often). I get so mad at myself when I am around others and I'm so worried about what I might say or do. What if I say or do something I don't mean to? What if I lose my sanity and just snap for no reason? Am I crazy because I'm afraid I might be psychotic? I can almost feel myself losing my sanity right now. Am I going to? NO! You are not. I guarantee you you have not. Feeling mad at someone is fine. Disagreeing with someone's opinion is good too. It just shows that you are you and not that person. It's a wonderful thing; we all are. We can be so different; think and believe so differently on so many subjects, but, yet, here we are with some of the same difficulties with ourselves (not eachother). Everyone burps. Everyone farts. Everyone spits a little when they are talking about something they are passionate about. None of us live in a tv show. We are all in the same world together with the same surroundings and social probabilities; if we go out and take those chances. It takes time to get to a point of comfort just to be out there. I know. I spent two years at home staying away from everyone possible. I just didn't know if I could really talk to a person I didn't already know. Actually, there were people I knew that I couldn't see myself being able to talk to again. I thought I had forgotten how to talk about anything. I could see myself face to face with them, with them saying something to me and I was unable to speak. In my thoughts, I couldn't even speak. I couldn't see myself speaking. I wouldn't be able to think of the right thing to say, because it had been so long since I had spoken to them or anyone really. It's been about 3 years since then, but still I catch myself imagining being so blank of mind that I do or say something so out of line that people will think I am just crazy. The truth is that I've become so good at small talk and being personable with others that they remember me and actually want to talk to me. I just have to see that noone expects perfection and many people are fine with us as we are. There is no need to put on a mask. In fact, knowing how we react to other people gives us a good idea of how many (not all) others are. I like meeting different types of people. If we were all the same, that would be BORING!!! Not everyone is so understanding, very true. However, remember, noone has the right to judge you. If they do, then that is their problem, not yours. Just because one person doesn't like something you say doesn't make them right. It just make them different. Maybe they were just raised differently to believe something differently than you. Difference of opinion doesn't make either person right or wrong; it just makes them individuals (one in themselves). It's OK to be yourself, just as you might not expect others to act or say differently that who they are. So why is it OK for them to do that, but not you? Take your time and you will see that you are fine just the way you are. Use being quiet to listen and take in what others say. Look inside them. See what they mean and what they are all about. It will be easier after a while to find things to say; if you feel like it. There is nothing that says that anyone HAS to participate fully in a conversation. And if in that conversation they turn to you and ask you your opinion, if you cannot think of anything to say, just tell them, "I was listening to you both (or all). You obviously know what you're talking about. I'm learning". I hope I have helped in some way.