Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 3:18 pm
What can I do when the reason I withdraw from family and friends is because they are so high-strung and miserable that it spikes my stress sensors?
My anxiety and depression is strongly nature, strongly nurture. I grew up with my mother, who is a stubborn, self-righteous manic depressive who has attempted suicide 3 times since i was 6. Alot of my childhood was spent estranged from my sister, who as is turns out is also bipolar and tried to take her life at age 20. Niether achieved their goal, but my cousin did. Now I'm practically desensitized to the concept of suicide. The women in my family have always treated it like something you do if you want someone to give a damn about you. And it's always weighed so heavy on me, like a guilt for neglecting them.
I'm 30 now, and feel hopeless as ever with my mom & sister. They have now disowned each other over my sister's abortion, and I sit in the middle, as always. I understand I can't mend the fence FOR them, after many failed attempts I've come to accept that. However, the both of them still presume to use me for information on one another, and never stop to consider my feelings before rambling off on a tangent about how the other one is so evil and her actions so abominable. And if I try to shut down their tyrades, their anger is immediately directed towards me.
I'm sick of sticking up for the both of them. And in my anger I've truly stopped caring.
I find it VERY difficult to be around the both of them. My mom is only 50, but I'll bet she wishes she were dead. She says her only reason for living is for my sister's daughter. Not for me, not for my sister, or my father. She's a broken record of sighs, groans, eye rolls, and guilt trips. Most of the time I want to scream at her and run off after even the shortest visits.
My sister usually calls when she needs something. Or if she'd just like to complain endlessly about something. I don't answer her alot of the time.
I know no family is perfect, but this is ridiculous. How do I move through this?
My anxiety and depression is strongly nature, strongly nurture. I grew up with my mother, who is a stubborn, self-righteous manic depressive who has attempted suicide 3 times since i was 6. Alot of my childhood was spent estranged from my sister, who as is turns out is also bipolar and tried to take her life at age 20. Niether achieved their goal, but my cousin did. Now I'm practically desensitized to the concept of suicide. The women in my family have always treated it like something you do if you want someone to give a damn about you. And it's always weighed so heavy on me, like a guilt for neglecting them.
I'm 30 now, and feel hopeless as ever with my mom & sister. They have now disowned each other over my sister's abortion, and I sit in the middle, as always. I understand I can't mend the fence FOR them, after many failed attempts I've come to accept that. However, the both of them still presume to use me for information on one another, and never stop to consider my feelings before rambling off on a tangent about how the other one is so evil and her actions so abominable. And if I try to shut down their tyrades, their anger is immediately directed towards me.
I'm sick of sticking up for the both of them. And in my anger I've truly stopped caring.
I find it VERY difficult to be around the both of them. My mom is only 50, but I'll bet she wishes she were dead. She says her only reason for living is for my sister's daughter. Not for me, not for my sister, or my father. She's a broken record of sighs, groans, eye rolls, and guilt trips. Most of the time I want to scream at her and run off after even the shortest visits.
My sister usually calls when she needs something. Or if she'd just like to complain endlessly about something. I don't answer her alot of the time.
I know no family is perfect, but this is ridiculous. How do I move through this?