Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:24 am
Hello All,
I have logged on to this site about 2 years ago or so and just never did anything with it and sort of gave up myself. But now so much has changed in my life on the past 6 mos. I am a small business owner and my wife had to go back to work as a school teach and I am sitting here shaking trying to be productive and I really could not think of where to turn. I decided to start writing a journal today just to get some of my feeling out there. I have cut and pasted it below. I kow a lot of you are going throught the same things and was looking for some people to talk to to hopefully get my head on straight. I dont know if this is the right place for that or not but I figured I would give it a try. -its at least a start-
I dropped off Mia and Regan this morning and as I knelt down to give Mia a hug and Kiss she said “have a great day daddy” I could barely keep my self from crying just to get to my truck and burst into tears. I don’t exactly know why that hit me so hard. Maybe it is a culmination of things. I have been drinking too much I am worried about everything in life and I hate bringing my kids to a daycare center. I don’t feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing as a dad and husband. I am way in debt I feel like I am all alone and treading water, all I want to do is be with my kids. Maybe it’s a sign to me that she is getting older…and I don’t want that to happen. Mia turns 3 on Saturday and I just want her to stay little. As I write this it is difficult to keep my composure. I need to turn things around. I know that somewhere deep inside of me I am a winner and have the ability to get things done but I feel so helpless and almost woe is me… Maybe today is the turning point-thanks to Mia. Have a great day daddy.
I have logged on to this site about 2 years ago or so and just never did anything with it and sort of gave up myself. But now so much has changed in my life on the past 6 mos. I am a small business owner and my wife had to go back to work as a school teach and I am sitting here shaking trying to be productive and I really could not think of where to turn. I decided to start writing a journal today just to get some of my feeling out there. I have cut and pasted it below. I kow a lot of you are going throught the same things and was looking for some people to talk to to hopefully get my head on straight. I dont know if this is the right place for that or not but I figured I would give it a try. -its at least a start-
I dropped off Mia and Regan this morning and as I knelt down to give Mia a hug and Kiss she said “have a great day daddy” I could barely keep my self from crying just to get to my truck and burst into tears. I don’t exactly know why that hit me so hard. Maybe it is a culmination of things. I have been drinking too much I am worried about everything in life and I hate bringing my kids to a daycare center. I don’t feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing as a dad and husband. I am way in debt I feel like I am all alone and treading water, all I want to do is be with my kids. Maybe it’s a sign to me that she is getting older…and I don’t want that to happen. Mia turns 3 on Saturday and I just want her to stay little. As I write this it is difficult to keep my composure. I need to turn things around. I know that somewhere deep inside of me I am a winner and have the ability to get things done but I feel so helpless and almost woe is me… Maybe today is the turning point-thanks to Mia. Have a great day daddy.