Stress Center Peer Support

I am not a troll.
I feel I am really about to lose it. I know I probably won't, but I need a friend to listen.

I had falling outs with almost all of my family. I hardly ever talk to my brothers. My son sister basically disowned me and didn't even invite me or my family to my niece's wedding. The one sister I do talk to is living in another state and she rarely contacts us. I hardly talk to her husband or kids. My mother passed away in July. I am glad I had spent the last few months with her. I had that, the rest of the family did not. The last thing my Mom said to me was "I am glad you came you made me laugh." I was the only child at the hospital when she finally died. She was in her 80s.

I have been without a job for a year! I can't keep a job. I am working from home for free for a friend. I see that I work too slow. I get very very stressed.

I had a falling out with my very best friend and we don't talk anymore.

I am obsessing about hurts from the past. I am very angry! I want revenge but I know that is not right.

My anger has ruined my life!! But no one else will take responsibility for their anger.

I have a tightness in my throat that I am worried about.

I do have the program but I put it in the closet. I feel I am losing it.

I am going to be 50!!! THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED!!! I AM STILL THE LOSER I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN!

I do have a wife and child. Thank God for that.

I just needed to vent.

King Peace,

I suffer from anger, low self-esteam and depression. I to have been disowned by most of my family. It can be simular to someone passing away. The only thing I could do to get through it was replace my family with new friends. Its not the same, but they do treat me a whole lot better then my family did.

What you are feeling is real and you are not a lone. Listen to the tapes. They will help, but not instantly. I want instant....LOL over time and listening to the tapes over and over and over again is the only thing that is keeping me going.

Please reach out any time.

Oceans

Sounds like you have been through a lot these past few years. I can see SO much negative thinking in your post. Which is completely normal when you're suffering from anxiety but it is also part of the problem. I struggle with the negative thoughts as well and I know how bad it can leave you feeling. I highly suggest a book called "Feeling Good," by Dr. David Burns. I honestly think it could help you a great deal. It talks a lot about cogniative distortions like "I am still a loser and I have always been." I highly doubt that this is true and deep down you probably know that too. Anyways, the book was cheap too, maybe $8.00 from Amazon.com

King of peace I am sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch. I am also sorry to hear about your mother's passing. It sounds like you were there for her when she really needed you.

I think its a good thing to acknowledge your anger but you cannot turn it inward against yourself. Try and work the program and maybe go and see a professional who can help you deal with your grief.

Don't get stuck in your grief, I'm sure your mother would not want that for you.

I wish you much success in your recovery.

Take care and God Bless.

King Peace,

You are NOT a loser!!! The number one thing we learn in this program is to talk to ourselves with compasionate, positive self talk. You need to get out your CD's and start listening to them, work in your workbook and realize that nobody can make you feel bad except yourself. It is high time to start loving yourself and you can do it. If you have made mistakes, they are the past and there is nothing you can do except apologize for them, then move on. You can have a good future once you start believing in yourself and that is what this program is designed to do--to make you your own safe place and teach you compassionate coping skills so you can take care of yourself.

I am glad you were there for your mother--that should make you proud of yourself that you took care of her and it sounds like she really appreciated it too.

Believe in yourself--everybody is special and deseves to believe they are. Good luck--you can do it if you set your mind to it.

P.S. These people have given you some good advice. My own psychiatrist highly recommended the David Burns book--he thought it was the best thing on the market for anxiety and depression.