Stress Center Peer Support

I've been struggling with a issue that plays very much into my panic attacks and personal identity. I understand that religion has helped many people through their struggles with anxiety and it is something I am very interested in.

My problem is that I am gay. It took me many years to accept that fact. I struggled with my feelings and attractions for most of my life and tried in vain to be "straight", even seeking more than one therapist to help me. However, with all my prayer and professional help, I finally accepted that I was gay and that it was not going to change.

I'm much happier now and don't go through the emotional turmoil I used to about my orientation. I have a loving partner and have been in a committed relationship with him for four years. But how do I have a relationship with God if I'm consistently intentionally sinning? I can't go back to pretending that I'm straight because I'm not and I never will be.

Am I evil? Is God punishing me?

Hey bud
Sorry you are so down right now. I love you and consider you my friend. I will be praying for you and asking the Lord to help you with all these very personal questions on your heart. Take care okay?
Jilly~

Are you evil? No.

Is God punishing you? I don't know that God punishes people in that way.

I have a feeling though, you will get varied answers here. You know how it'll go - one group will say you are in sin and another will say embrace who you are.

I think you just have to seek God in this. It does sound like through all the therapy, you are still struggling here. Especially since you wrote that being gay is your 'problem'. Do you really believe that.

I also believe that like Paul, every one of us stuggles with our own sins and 'thorns' in life. Not one of us are perfect.

I pray that God reveals His answer to you, SeaRunner.

Thanks Jill and Shif for the encouragement.

I think I need to clarify things a bit. When I wrote that my problem is that I am gay, I meant how do I reconcile my sexuality with the Bible? This conflict does cause me quite a lot of anxiety, but it is only one aspect of many that make up my panic and anxiety disorder. It is not the sole issue that drives my anxiety.

My question is better stated can I still have a relationship with God even though I embrace a lifestyle that does not appear consistent with the Bible. I'm having trouble picking the right words here since I don't really consider being gay a lifestyle choice. After all my trials and tribulations trying to be straight, I've come to the conclusion that God created me gay. My only choice really is whether to be celibate or not. I've learned the hard way that I can't choose to be heterosexual. I won't ever be sexually attracted to women.

I should be clear that I struggled with being gay from a young age. I convinced myself that I was straight and I was just creating another irrational fear. I actually was married for six years. My wife decided to end the marriage because of my attraction to men, although I never was unfaithful. This also weighs heavily on me. I feel very guilty about the hurt I caused my ex-wife. I also miss her terribly.

I'd like to become more religious and let God further into my life. Foremost, I feel a gap that needs to be filled with spirituality. But also I need to turn to Him during this difficult time in my life to help me deal with my panic and anxiety. Often I feel like I'm not worthy because of my nature.

I pray often and am reading the Bible, but after so many years, I still don't have an answer to this very controversial question. What does God really want for me? Can I be openly gay and religious? Is my anxiety some sort of sign that I'm not living a righteous life?

Unfortunately, I don't think that any human actually knows the true answer. How can we know the mind of God? So far, either God has not answered my prayers or I haven't heard His response.

Searunner, I must be honest with you!!! I believe with all of my heart that if you truly wanted to be delivered from this lifestyle, then, God would deliver you!!!

Prayer is a very effective tool in being delivered from the lusts of the flesh!!! I know that the new age we live in accepts this type of behavior, but, God does not change and HE will not change for none of us!!!

Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever!!! I cannot tell you what to do and I will not even try, but, since, I am an honest and open person, then, I will let you in on what the Bible has to say about these things because I know that if you resist temptation, then, it will flee from you...That is Biblical!!!

We can not resist temptation unless we have Jesus in our lives!!! It is impossible because we don't have the HOLY SPIRIT living within us to lead and guide us into all truth!!!

Here is what the HOLY BIBLE has to say about these things and the Word of God will never change for anyone!!!

Romans 1:24-32:





24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.


28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;


29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,


30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31 Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

I need for you to know that I am not posting these Scriptures to judge you in any way, since, I am not the judge of no man or woman!!! God does the judging!!!

I am posting these Scriptures, so, you will know the truth for yourself!!! God is just and faithful to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness!!! This is Biblical!!!

We must come unto HIM as humble as a little child and make our petitions known to HIM and HE will in no likewise cast us out!!!

HE does not want you to suffer in this way and neither do I!!! If God had wanted you to be a woman, then, HE would have created you to be a woman!!!

For in the beginning God created Adam and Eve!!!

We must fully surrender our lives to Jesus Christ, in order to be truly happy in this life!!!

We must stand on the Word of God, no matter how we feel about it, since, the Word gives us life, so, we may have it more abundantly!!!

I am not sure that this is what you wanted to hear and I am not responding to hurt you in any way...God knows that I am not...I am responding so you may know the truth, for the Bible says, "The truth shall set you free"

I will be praying for you!!! God Bless!!!

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.


2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.


3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:


4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.


5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.


6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.


7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.


8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.


9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.


10 And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.


11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.


12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh.


13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.


14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.


15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

I pray this scriptures further help you!!! God Bless..

I believe with all of my heart that if you truly wanted to be delivered from this lifestyle, then, God would deliver you!!!

If this was indeed true, Searunner would have been delivered, long ago with all the struggling, prayer and therapy. I don't think it's "always" that easy. We cannot put our will above God's will. Also God answers prayer on His time and by His authority, not ours.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

This is indeed a struggle for Searunner, who is already openly admitting to his struggle, and I'd like to post a reminder to all brothers and sisters in the Lord here.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." -Matthew 7:1-2

You have my prayers, brother.

Thank you both Mrs. T Bones and Shif for your responses.

Mrs. T: I know you are speaking from your heart and do not wish me ill and I respect your views.

Shif: I really appreciate your comments and find comfort in them.

As I said before, this is not something new to me; it is an issue I have struggled with perhaps as young as ten years old when I realized that I was not attracted to the opposite sex like all my friends were. As I grew older and began to understand what my feelings meant, they really scared me. While I did not grow up in a religious household, my father was very conservative in his views about homosexuality and I "knew" it was wrong. I never told anyone about my fears and attractions until after I was married.

When I met my wife, I became involved in her church. I still fought my feelings and continued to convince myself it was all in my mind. I prayed. I accepted Jesus into my heart. I sought counseling. I never was unfaithful and never sought other men. In fact, both my wife and I were virgins when we married (which may have made things even more difficult since I had never been with a woman before and did not know for sure that I had no sexual attraction to women). But I was not changed. God did not answer my prayers, at least in the way I expected.

When we finally decided to divorce, it was then that I finally accepted myself as who I was. I finally stopped hating myself and accepted myself as God created me. Although clearly I still have doubts and I still worry enough to create anxiety about my sexuality.

Doesn't God love me unconditionally? Aren't we all imperfect? And correct me if I am wrong, but I was taught in the church I attended that sin is sin; there is no scale that God rates sin by, with the exception of the sin of denying Jesus into your heart. If that's the case, am I not more wicked than anyone else?

Thank you for your thoughts,
Jamie

Good afternoon,

To be fair, the question and title of this topic is Am I evil? The question seems to really be asking: am I in sin? The question is asking for a judgment or assessment of what is troubling Searunner. T-bones answer is straight out of the bible and specific to question asked.

It may not be your desire to be considered evil, but are you in sin? It is clear, that your behavior is specifically addressed in the Bible and it is sin and it is an abomination to God. There is no side stepping that one. We are or were all sinners and we all fall short of the glory of God. What is required? Repentance! What does it mean to repent? That you are sorry for your sinful conduct, you stop and turn from your behavior or conduct, and turn toward God. Anything less is not truly a repentant person. Moreover, that is what we are all must do regardless of the sin, to tell anyone otherwise would be dishonest in addressing this question question, and only serves to leave searunner confused by what may appear to be differences of opinion in this matter.

No one is perfect, and we can all be saved by grace, as an accepted free gift of the Father through Christ's sacrifice for our sins, but grace is not a free pass to continue living our lives in sin no matter what the sinful conduct may be.

Searunner, God still loves you for who you are, but He hates the sin in your life. He will meet you where you are, where ever you are, but He requires that you seek Him, and you must truly repent. It may be a hard thing to do, but it is not impossible.
In your heart you know that have already been convicted by the Holy Spirit and that is the discomfort that you are feeling about this issue.

God hears and will answer your prayers; so ask for Him to give you the mercy, grace, and sound mind with which to reason and obtain understanding and help on how to overcome this problem (sin) which acts as a barrier to reconciliation with our Abba Father.

Did you know that God did not spare His own son from the feelings of separation? Even as Jesus was dieing on the cross, His body with loaded and weighed down with the sin of all Humanity, Abba Father had to turn His back on Jesus, because of sin. Abba, Abba, why has thou forsaken me, I commend my Spirit into thy hands. It is done or finished! Do you know how much that must have hurt God to turn His back on His son?

Searunner, I pray that have, even in a small way to help you. It is hard to understand just how much God loves us that He would what He did for us, but He did it anyway. Please, repent and earnestly seek His face, and vow to Him that you want freedom for this disquieting conviction against your sin, and that you want to be reconciled with Him, and believe that the Lord shall make a path for you. In the precious name of Jesus; by whose blood we are cleansed and stripes we are healed, is my prayer for you, for His praise, glory, honor and the joy it gives Him to answer our prayers. Amen and Amen!!!

Sea Runner, I am no judge, since, the Bible says that we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God!!! I have no right to judge anyone, since, I am just a sinner saved by Grace!!!

The only reason that I gave you the above Scriptures is because they are Bible and I wanted you to know the truth about what you asked...

I think you asked...Am I sinning??? I do have to say that according to the Word of God, then, you are sinning, since, I would be a liar, if I said otherwise!!!

I felt like you were searching for the truth, so, I gave those Scriptures to you to read and contemplate upon!!!

It would be like me asking you, if I am sinning by telling a flat out lie...Of course, your answer would be that I am sinning because that is exact actually what I would be doing!!!

I think you know the answers to these questions in your own heart!!!

I truly am sorry that you are suffering in this manner and I am not and never was out to judge you, since, I do know that if we judge, then, we will be judged!!!

There is no one who is perfect!!! No not one!!! But, in order for us to be truly happy, then, we must turn from sin and try to do what is right in the eyes of God!!!

The bottom line is that we must "be born again"...If we are born again then we are children of God and HE said that HE would chastise us...He said that if HE did not chastise us, then, we are a bastard and not a son...

Hebrews Chapter 12

12:5
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
12:6
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
12:7
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
12:8
But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

God in Heaven knows that I am trying to help you and am in no way trying to judge you or condemn you!!!

If I did not care about you, then, I would neve have posted anything at all on this little thread!!!

I have done so because I do want you to know the whole truth, so, that you can be freed from these things, if you choose to be!!!

Of course, it is your life and God will not force you to do anything!!! You must want to do these things for yourself!!!

I have told you all that I know to tell you, so, I earnestly pray that God helps you to understand these things!!!

Jesus came not into the world to condemn the world, but, that the world through HIM might be saved!!!

I pray you have a beautiful day!!! God Bless!!!