Who Am I?

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tmblackbelt08
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 7:56 pm

Who Am I?

Post by tmblackbelt08 » Fri May 06, 2016 9:25 am

I feel like I don't know who I am. I am starting my 4th year of medical school and am about to go on a bunch of interviews for surgery. I honestly don't like taking care of patients all that much (sick wise). I think I may want to be a Plastic Surgeon. Anyways, I am writing this as I am going back through the program determined to finish this time. This is why I don't feel like I know who I am:

My girlfriend seems to have her life together. She is in Master's school and is doing really well. She just seems to have the ability to be independent and perfectly fine with or without me. She knows who she is and seems comfortable with who she is for the most part. She has a lot of friends and a few close friends. She is comfortable being alone and actually prefers it, but also has the ability to have friends around whenever she wants. She comes from money and is currently about to go on her 6th vacation since we have been together. So far she has gone to the beach for a week, then 3 1/2 months off before Grad school, then a cruise, then a month off for Christmas, then a week in Mexico just last month and now 2 weeks in Puerto Rico. She works hard and deserves it, but it would be nice to one day take a vacation with her (seeing as how my last one was in 2014). She is very OCD, but in an effective way. Her place is always clean and her car is always spotless. Lastly she has been with a lot of guys in her past before me.

I feel like a very dependent person who likes having her around and others when I can. I don't feel like I know who I am to be honest. I am not that comfortable being alone as I feel abandoned for some reason or I don't feel like I know what to do with myself when I am. I have a decent amount of acquaintances, but only 4 close friends. The problem is 1 lives in Chicago, 1 is in med school in Tennessee, 1 lives on the other side of the state, and my best friend of all works ALL the time. I have not been on a vacation where I went somewhere since 2014 and I am honestly very jealous of my girlfriend getting to travel the world basically to these exotic places for vacations. I feel like I have the less effective OCD in the sense of turning lights on and off, and everything having a meaning if I do or don't do things a certain way (usually negative outcome thinking or catastrophe). My car is always a mess no matter how hard I try to keep it clean. Lastly, I have only been with 2 girls total including my girlfriend. So even though I feel I should look at that as a positive, I don't. I look at it as a negative because I don't have as much experience as she does. Not to mention it makes me feel inferior because she has been with so many guys.

coachchris
Posts: 757
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: Who Am I?

Post by coachchris » Tue May 10, 2016 2:36 pm

Hi Tyler,

I love the question you pose...Who Am I?

I would ask you...Who do you want to be? Who is the man you desire to become? Why do you want to be that man? Lastly; What is stopping you from being that man?

I know you're committed to the program. Keep us posted on your progress. What lesson are you on now?

Coach Chris
coachchris@stresscenter.com

tmblackbelt08
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 7:56 pm

Re: Who Am I?

Post by tmblackbelt08 » Wed May 11, 2016 9:40 am

I want to be an independent person who has the ability to do my own thing and not just feel like I am filling time with things to distract myself. I desire to become a good doctor, but more importantly a family man. I want to be a good doctor because I spent all this time in school and I want it to show. I want to be a family man because I love the idea of having a family of my own and spending time with and loving them. Fear is stopping me from the doctor side of things. I am scared to pursue surgery even though I am good at it because I have been having a lot of anxiety lately and my last experience in the OR was a nightmare. I am also scared of the hours that residency will put on me along with my anxiety to pursue surgery.

My girlfriend is on vacation in Puerto Rico for 2 weeks and I feel like a chicken with my head cut off to be honest. I honestly feel like a child who's parent went on vacation.

I am on session 3 now. I am going back through it.

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