A new idea

[Loveslife]

Wait; is skippy peanut butter an adjective? no, it's a name. a noun is a person, place or thing.
skippy is a noun.
ok. in the effort to be spontaneous, this just spontaneously typed out of my brain, into my fingers and onto this page.
it makes no sense. i know.

[Loveslife]

Here's to having a happy and fun filled spontaneous day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-4oTOnrfYk

[Loveslife]

Due to technical difficulties, (or copyright issues?) I will shake it off and try, try again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbdT3J2H1tA

[Ninjafrodo2]

Thank you for opening up and telling about your trauma as I know it can be hard to admit that stuff, especially on an open forum. It is also really healing and I know because I've had my own kind too and like you, I didn't say anything during the time it happened and for a really long time either....when it was happening, I didn't know it was wrong and when I realized, I didn't know how to handle it and if people would believe me and what would the consequences be of addressing it? I did finally address the situation when I was 20, to the best of my abilities and it really does help and since then I've been working on the after effects of the trauma from my internal standpoint (because it really does keep affecting us until the situation is looked at for what it truely is, the false perception is separated from it (ie. blaming yourself, saying it happened because you weren't good enough...ect) and the emotions are felt and then let go.


It sounds like the despicable actions of that key employee actually helped to trigger the supressed memory...perhaps you are more in a better place in life where you are now able to start to look at it now whereas you couldn't when you were younger....as flashbacks do come back up when a person is in a more secure spot (I said more secure, I didn't say you felt completely secure).

The fact that your post lead you to this trauma when none of my posts did, makes me think that this has been an issue that has become very big for you and it wants to come out...your heart wants to heal from it and let it go and this was the best way it knew how to address that and that is definately fine. I'm also assuming, that sadness and depression is mostly the sadness and depression that you didn't fully feel yourself back then in the past and yeah thats a sad and depressing kind of situation, you're allowed to feel that way.


Mike

[Loveslife]

Thanks, Mike, for all of your wonderful support and insights.

I had a great talk with my psychiatrist yesterday and it's really amazing how therapy works. I do all of the talking, she stops me occasionally and asks a few questions and then at the end I always have a question for going forward. I always need to have a strategy or plan or coping tools.

So yesterday at the end of my very long (seemingly) session, (we haven't had one in quite a while so I needed to bring her up to date) I asked "So, what if this person does something else to me?" "What is around the corner?" < (The Little Shop is around the corner; a reference to my favorite movie, 'You've Got Mail')

Annnnyyywayyyyy, There was a long pause after my question and I realized that only I could answer my question. Blink Blink Blink goes the curser while I pause again to think.

The only way I can take my power back and not let her or anyone else surprise me, or traumatize me by playing such cruel 'tricks' on me, (actually illegal to violate a store) is to confront my past head on.

And I did. And I'm doing it again. Here.

Yes, I was RAPED. And, I never told anyone. No one. And it was brutal. And I froze. And I had to 'be good so it would be over'.

But that was a long, long, long time ago. (ok, seriously? I'm not THAT old, so I'm going to take back one of those 'longs' above. It was a long time ago. (ok, I took back two, because I feel young at heart)

And I was an innocent girl who needed help but never ever asked for it.

That person or persons can't hurt me anymore. I'm a grown up. So, if someone breaks into the store again and leaves the door wide open and smashes the back sensor light it will be a break in and I'll call the police. That's it. That was then, this is now.

Thanks Mike, for all you've done for me.

I hope you are well and I might not post again. I'll check in to see if you put up some videos as maybe I can still help you, although you look like you're doing just fine to me.

Keep up your work and try not to let anyone make you feel less than you are. You are more than enough.

XOXO
J.

[Ninjafrodo2]

Today is tuesday and here is the video...or I should say videos as I had to split it into 2 parts....part1 has a link to part2 at the end of the video that'll take you directly there...enjoy!


www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRKsxO3Pdq8



Loveslife;
I'm glad you have a councelor to talk to because they can help us figure things out that are in our own blindspots, I have one myself.

From what I get from what you put in your message is that you were lumping together what happened with that lady into what happened into your past...that seems to be a common thing for the brain to try to see patterns although sometimes it can be counter productive but the brain does the best it can in order to protect it's owner. It can even make it seem like you are actually back to that same age in that memory....it may have happened in the past but it seems all real in the present sometimes, doesn't it? I think your councellor is right that you'd have to face the rape head on because you seem to be stuck in it as it wasn't dealt with head on before and so its like you are returning back to that time and pushing through it....mentally and emotionally, thats great work! Its important when you get stuck to look at the differences between that past situation and the present one.....or in your case the rape with the store being broken into...there are many differences and that helps to diffuse some of the tension and heavy emotion...I will be making a video on that sometime in the near future.

You're welcome for the help and feel free to keep posting.


Mike

[Loveslife]

(((((((MIKE))))))
I'm in awe of you and you're epically amazing. You made me laugh out loud. Ok, on to your next video.

But before I go to your next video, (you indicated there were two parts) I will think a little bit about your kind insights.

(But before I do, I just want you to know that I think I'm epically amazing and awesome too. but shhh; it's a secret)

Do you know, there ARE similarities between what happened then and what happened now. And just to add something, I had the locksmith back today and he installed all new locks. I know, probably or definitely overkill, but I did. And here's why;

The person that left really wanted to hurt me. She wanted to 'gaslight' me. Seriously, who does that?
Who wants to cause emotional distress on someone with whom you've worked closely for 3 years.

An unstable person. That's who. I believe everyone and take everyone at their word, but I'm starting to wise up. What she did was despicable! I'm also supposed to get angry, and not sad. I always skip the anger part and go straight to sadness.

Anyywayyy......where was I? Ok. When I was 16 (if I'm repeating myself, it's ok. just skip over this part. Sorry)
I went to Block Island with my friend (her name was the name of our store now. just a coincidence)
and we were listening to a cover band and I loved this song called 'Amie'. When the band was through I went back to our room and went to sleep. My friend stayed out. But sometime during the night she came back to the room and left the door open (literally wide open) and she went back out again.

That's when it happened. He put his hand over my mouth and told me not to move, blah blah blah blah blah blah. You get the rest.

He waved at me the next day.

I never told anyone. No one. And then I forgot all about it until a few years ago my other best friend asked me if something happened to me on that trip. And I said no? (she's a rape counselor now, believe it or not)

But then on FB she triggered something and I remembered it all, but the memory happened at work.

Because at the time we were having trouble with our back door.

Fast forward, we argue, she quits and blah blah blah.

So, I don't trust her to not try something like this again. So, I've changed the locks (today) but I HAVE to let it go because then she can't hurt me again.

So, I did a visual. I placed the memory in a big helium blue balloon and released my pretend balloon into the sky. And the internet.

Bye bye memory. And no one has the power to hurt me again.

Ok, onto your next epic video. You crack me up. And yes, make eye contact on the subway. You're adorable and a catch. When you least expect it, expect it.

XO

[Loveslife]

Ok, I had to hit 'Pause"....

Pumpkins and tomatoes and bananas oh my. This is hysterical! But did you or did you not play dodgeball?

Ok...back to the video...

[Loveslife]

LOL
"Except for 'that guy'"
Priceless.
I have no idea who Borat is. (another secret; humor like that gets lost on me)
Ok, I'll continue your video tomorrow.
You're hysterical! (in a good way)
J.

[Loveslife]

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