Stress Center Peer Support

Hi Everyone,

I thought I would share this piece that I had written back in January. My acute crisis began in August and I am still working my way through it. The program says we should write as often as we can - so here is how I felt in January...tomorrow I will write my new piece about how I am feeling today. The drastic changes are surreal. Hope my writing inspires, comforts, or reaches you in one way or another.


xoxo Goober



1/21/09

I look back now & don’t know how I survived.
My world was spinning
And crashing
Right before my eyes.
For someone so strong, I actually caved
And finally realized I’m not as invincible as I thought I was.
My pain was surreal
And the tears never seemed to stop.
I wondered if I’d feel this way forever –
I feared there was no way out.
The dark hole I was in continued to pull me down…
Further and further
Until it broke me and shattered me.
My eyes were frozen with panic and fear,
And anyone who knew me could tell I was not yet in the clear.
Trembled with panic,
Shaken with fear,
My body started to neglect me –
My mind began to travel elsewhere.
I couldn’t be alone & just wanted to be saved –
Was it death or relief that I constantly craved?
I lost all passion
For the things that once mattered and couldn’t look my parents in the eyes. . .
Because when I did I could hear their hearts shatter.
I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me,
All I desired was to simply be free.
The devil was always by my side
And tried to convince me to take my life,
But my mother held my hand and prayed that I would eventually see the light.
I was alone when I was surrounded by people,
I would scream and no one would hear me.
I cried so much it practically became the norm. . . .
And I was petrified when my Doctor handed me that hospital form.
I eventually became mute because there was nothing to say
And some nights I questioned my faith and refused to pray.
I just wanted to die and had already contemplated on so many ways,
But something in me couldn’t give up day after day.
Basic every day things became a struggle, indeed,
But I fought like hell in order to be freed.

Wow.. that was beautiful and insightful.

You have penned a timeless memory of the emotions most of us have experienced. Continue to write. My daughter, age 25, won many poetry contest and after Hurricane Katrina destroyed all of her written work, portfolios, poems, short stories..., she doesn't write to much anymore. Her writings were so deep, so full of impact and sensitivity. As I read your writing on stuck inside I know that you are a wonder in the making. Be good to yourself because people like me need people like you to hear what you have to say.

That was very beautiful and it touched on how anxious/depressed people feel. I am going to print this and the next time someone asks me how panic, anxiety and depression feels, I will have them read what you wrote. Thank you.

LisaLisa

Wow you guys....I am sitting here holding back the tears from your responses. I was leaning on hope that my writing would touch at least one person...but for it to touch three, I am speechless. I will most certainly continue to write and you all have motivated me to post more of my work. Thank you so much for your feedback.

I will continue to pray for the day we are all free of anxiety and depression.

Thank you so much again <3

This is exactly how I have felt time and time again. Please continue to write.

Hi Goob!!!

I finally found it.
I can't even put it into words how I felt after reading it.
All my feelings and all my thoughts are right there in your poem.
It's so beautiful!!!
I am so touched by this I need to thank you sooo much for posting it!!!
As soon as I figure out how to use my printer, if it's ok with you I would like to print it out and stick it in my journal!!!
Thanks again Goob!!!

Wow you hit the nail on the head. Unreal that's exactly how I've felt the last few months.

I am so touched that you guys can relate to this poem. This piece was written without me even thinking of a topic, grammar, etc. I took everything I felt and picked up a pen.

Little - you are more than welcome to print this out. It's an honor that you even want to.

love you guys.
We can do this.

Wow goober....that brought tears to my eyes, it really did. It's really a gift to be able to write like that, and I understand your pain. Keep staying strong.
"But something in me couldn’t give up day after day.
Basic every day things became a struggle, indeed,
But I fought like hell in order to be freed."
The last three lines are like what I tell myself all the time. No matter what, I won't give up.
Absolutely beautiful writing. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that felt and sometimes still feel this way. There's a lot of emotion in your writing and i can definitely feel it. I think anyone going through bad anxiety could relate to it. I'm going to print it out too :]