OPINIONS NEEDED! I think my boyfriend has anxiety.

MISSJEM · Post by **MISSJEM** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 11:51 pm

Hello, ALL

I'm new and while going through the program, my boyfriend came to mind. We have been together for over a year and he has always been unique. He constantly says his life sucks... He's obsessed with the thought that I may break up with him... We don't go out often because he doesn't like to be around people where he feels the need to be social so there is a lot of "ONLY ME & HIM" time being spent... When he took a vacation from his job, he spent an entire week inside his home... He makes excuses about the smallest things... (Keep in mind, I'm his first girlfriend and we are both 26!)...He insults himself on a regular... When I have my terrible moments where I say "I just want to jump off a cliff right now" He responds with "Can I join you?" He is a charming individual with extreme potential that's why we have been together for so long. We have shared some great moments together and I am so in love. I KNOW I have problems of my own, but... Does this "hubby hopeful of mine" have problems as well? And if so, what should I do?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:21 am

Hi Jem.

It's great that you are supporting each other in your relationship.

The only thing I suggest is that firstly there is little information about your boyfriend and what he does to determine whether he really has anxiety problems and also an unqualified person is not fit to make a judgment over the internet.

With that said, I think your boyfriend may have a mild version of anxiety/depression. Avoiding social contact and thinking negatively can mean that there is a mix of anxiety and depression at play and everything else is just feeding off that. I personally suggest that if you can, see a good therapist but more importantly try and change your lifestyle one step at a time.

Make some friends and slowly start socializing. Change your life. Don't sit back and say I feel like jumping off a cliff. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do and say things that brighten up your mood.

Believe it or not anxiety can be addictive and some people are addicted to their struggle. Make sure you change that for yourself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:55 am

This is tuff because you don't want to just say to him, "listen to these tapes because I think you have anxiety and/or depression"
Perhaps if you are doing the program you could ask him to help you listen to the tapes and quiz you at the end??? Hopefully he would pick up the skills too

.. A lot of people are too 'proud' to admit that they have anxiety or don't relise they have a problem.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:18 am

Well it certainly sounds that way from the symptoms you've described. After you've discovered exactly what anxiety and depression is I think its common to notice other people in your life who have it and don't realize it. As far as what to do about it everyone is unique. Does he want to change for the better? Would he laugh at the idea of "self help"? This program can be overwhelming. The same thing happened to me when I got the program I began noticing my girlfriend also had anxiety issues. What I did was bought her a book about it that I felt spoke her language. You might need to introduce the concept slowly. Otherwise just try and lead by example with the skills you learn in the program and it's likely to have an effect on those around you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:50 am

It sounds like he has a problem also. Just tell him you are going through this program to help you and then get him to join in with you. You can then both learn together and help support each other.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:12 pm

Has he mentioned to you that he thinks he has similar problems/symptoms. I think he needs to come to terms with himself and admit to his issues. Great on your part to see past your issues and worry about him.
However, it does sound like he has anxiety and/or depression symptoms (negative remaks, not leaving the house, avoiding soicial situations) are all classic symptoms. Hope he comes around soon and seeks help to improve the lives for both of you.
Good luck.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:41 pm

The funny thing is, before this program, many of us did not even realize that it's "anxiety". We just get freaked out in certain situations and before we know it we've debilitated ourselves.

I knew there were many situations I hated and would freak out about, sometimes I could avoid and other times I had to "bite the bullet" and get myself through it.

So he may not even realize that he has a problem. The above suggestion about sharing with him that *you* have the issue might give him some food for thought.

I think there is a quiz on the main site here that tells you if you have anxiety or depression.

My suggestion is to take this quiz and then tell him all about it in an e-mail with a link. Tell him you'll be going through the program and looking for a support partner.