I'm back

[manofmusic]

I decided to log back in after a long time away.

My panic attacks came back, but I'm fighting thru them. My mom is in a seniors home now and she has a battery of health problems. I go there 6 nights a week to help out and I'm more than happy to do it (she took care of my sorry behind for a long time LOL !). Her health is not so good now, but she seems to come in and out of poor health. There are a lot of people taking really good care of her.

I decided to take care of myself again. I rejoined a weight loss program (W.W.) and since the end of December of last year, I'm down 71 pounds. Physically I feel great. I can run up stairs without getting winded. I exercise quite a bit now.

Even with the positive changes in my health, the panic attacks came back pretty strong. I've learned how to deal with them, but when it happens behind the wheel of my truck, it's tough to just go with the feelings. I have to pull over and then I can deal with it. It happened at work a few times. Oddly enough, it never happens when I'm at the senior's home. I would think that seeing mom, I'd freak out, but I don't. I'm actually very calm.

The main thing is that I have the tools I need to work my way thru it all. It's just so frustrating that it's all happening again.

[forever young 06]

hi manomusic so glad to see you on here. I miss all the old ones that posted on here. sorry you are having panic attacks again and the state of your mother. I know what it feels like to have a elerdly sick aging partent.

I also have had a rough set back. I quit taking my Prozac back in January since I needed to buy health nsurance thinking that would not go against me. well after 2 months I started having the worst weakspells and thought I was dying as my chest would feel funny. this went on for over a month and started getting scared of them and my whole anxiety came back and I felt terrible. I went back on my medication and still an't where I would like to be. so good you are controlling them by your self. the main thing is to not run from them it only makes them worse.

[manofmusic]

Hi Forever Young !

It's good to see the oldies but goodies on this board.

That's really rough when we go thru panic attack spells. I remember you telling me about taking care of your elderly parent. Mom's in a senior's home, but she took a turn for the worse a few days ago. She's covered under insurance for a hospital type bed which will be easier for her to breathe. She has congestive heart failure, so her lungs will sometimes fill up with fluid and she has to cough it up...kind of like pneumonia.

I'm going to start to listen to my old tapes again (which I managed to convert them to mp3 files.)

I need to get back into it again. Health wise, I'm feeling really good. Mentally though, I feel so drained.

Good to hear from you again ! It would be nice to get all of the old ones back on here again !

[forever young 06]

yes I agree I miss them so much. I wish they would have came back once in a while even if you are recovered. I wonder about karma I loved her post but she never returned. I wish I didn't have to take the medicine . but it does help it is just the thought. I am glad to at least hear from you. there seems to be no one on this board that much.

[manofmusic]

My mom passed away a few days after my last post. The dr originally gave her 6 months to live, but she ended up going over 2 years ! I'm really sad about that, but at the same time, I'm glad I had all that time with her. She was 84. There's a lot of strife right now, but I decided to walk away from it all. I need to look after myself. I know that mom and dad would want the best for me and that's what I intend to do.

Yes, I miss Karma too. I wonder where she went. I'd like the rest to come back too.

[Loveslife]

((((((((HUGS Manofmusic ))))))))
I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. I remember how much she meant to you from your posts on Dear Diary. Again, I'm so sorry. (((((((((MORE HUGS)))))))
PS
Yes, please look after YOU.

[manofmusic]

Thanks Lovelife !

I am taking care of myself because that's how mom would've wanted it. I miss her like crazy. It's one day at a time for me.

Monday is Thanksgiving here in Canada (it's about a month earlier than the U.S. Thanksgiving). I'm heading out to the country with family and friends for a turkey feast today. I'm picking up my Aunt (mom's sister - my Godmother) and we're meeting everyone there this afternoon. I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm back to week 2 of the program. I want to redo it. It really helps me. I'm also back to 70 pounds gone at WW. I got the food from the past few weeks off last week. I'm back on track with that too. On my second weigh in book, mom wrote "Good for you, Love Mom". That's going to keep me on track with my health. The past few years with mom and then the past 8 years before that with dad have been a real learning experience for me. Dad passed away 2 years ago. He was 85. I guess longevity is in my family if I play my cards right.

Time for me to go enjoy some turkey now !

Thanks again !

[forever young 06]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I have been there we know we will not live forever and death is a part of live even though we don't like it. now is the time to put your self first. I hope you stay in touch as I miss the others too. I wish I had got their phone numbers or email as maybe we could contact them. I am having a set back too. I was on medicine for yrs and went off back in may and 2 mths later started having spells like weak all over and can't find the reason for them. went back on medicine hoping that would help. did for a while but they came back. it has also cause my anxiety to return especially the HA. hope to hear from you soon.

[THH]

OH MY... Man & Forever,
I'm back too... I see Mike is going to do a run though the program and starting on Monday. I am going to do it too. I do think it is better with a group of people rather than by myself. It helps motivate me. I still have times of panic, waking up with it as well. I keep feeding the negative thoughts even though I know better. I have gotten sloppy with my thinking. I had my first one a few months back in the car as well. Road construction really bad and I locked up. I had to pull off and that is hard (no where really to do that) But I found a place and got myself settled. I won't purposely drive there again till its all open.
Dental & health still at times bother me. So I need to rework this program and get my thoughts going the right way again.

Man of Music, Soooooooo sorry for your loss. God Speed my friend. So many people in my life have lost one or both their parents, brothers & sisters. It is just sad. I have my parents both 80's and its is hard watching them loose one thing after another. I help where they allow it. Well I am here with love & support for you.
Forever, I'm glad your here too. Its nice to come here and have something to read and maybe encourage ourselves to keep trying. If you feel better with the meds I would take them. You an always get off them again. Maybe some of the older members will check in again as well. I enjoyed that part of this program as well.

[forever young 06]

THH so good to see you. I still have my limits to where I can go and drive. It is still a biggie with me. As well since my spells started it has set off my HA. I am trying to push thru.