Feeling better,so simple it's scary!

[cathyyvonne]

Not more than an hour ago I was sitting in my pontoon boat on a beautiful lake on a sunny evening being consumed by a mayfly hatch and landing my fourth Rainbow trout on my fly rod, on flies I tied myself. Not gloating but want you to imagine this scene. Five months ago I was 27 lbs underweight, tired from no sleep and loosing my mind. It was my third setback or __ growth spurt in 20 years. How could this happen again. I was afraid of new symptoms that I hadn't had before , dreams, scary thoughts, bad nightmares. Along with sleepless nights. It seemed to have started from a simple thought. My brother in laws sister had committed suicide, for some reason, eliminating any details it seemed to set off uncontrollable thoughts that I couldn't seem to dismiss. What if this could happen to me. What if I am never normal again. What if, what if. I had myself so freaked out I was back on the roller coaster again. I had a previous set back two years prior when my daughter suffered ppd and my niece was on the floor below her at the hospital after being admitted with psychosis. After almost 15 years what happened. Maybe menopause played a role, either way I had full blown anxiety. Having already been this route I pulled out my Stress tapes and Claire Weekes books reading over and over coping skills.It took some time but the more I just accepted all the strange feelings and thoughts the sooner I was feeling better. It takes time for nerves to heal, it doesn't get better over night, but slowly you can feel the shadow lifting. I told myself over and over again that I wasn't going to die if I didn't sleep that it was just as important to rest my body and to accept the adrenaline rushes and thoughts. If I had a scary thought I told myself it was just anxiety. no matter what the thought it is just a thought, think about it as much as it wants to be there. Just accept it. I have had the scary of scary and they are completely gone. My life is wonderful again and I know if I have another set back I will know to look at it as a growth spurt, because you learn from everyone you have. It is not the fear but the panic that will keep your panic triggers well oiled, I am sure a very large percentage of people suffering from panic and anxiety are very sensitive and caring even if we don't always show our emotions, we sometimes care to much, worry to much, expect to much. When we can just accept, accept, accept just like Claire Weekes stresses, the less we will be affected. I have faith and I know everyone who is suffering,that with the proper coping skills and acceptance of all the strangeness that accompanies anxiety you will find the place within that confidence will never be completely shaken, thank you Stress center and Claire Weekes for showing us the way.

[tina martin]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. The program can work but not necessarily for all time based on the recidivism I have observed over time. Sometimes this is due to terrible events in life such as you describe.

Never mind. We try again. There is the opportunity to review and refresh our mind with the materials we have. Nothing to fear, everything to be thankful for. Wishing you the very best.

[cathyyvonne]

Hi Tina, thanks for the reply, I agree, I also think that the thought of going back to and repeating a very scary experience all over again brings out the fight and flight response once more, sometimes no matter what you may have learned prior. We just forgot to relax and let the feelings come and make them no more important then brushing your teeth. When they say anxiety is caused by stress, I can honestly say my first experience with panic attacks and anxiety my life was great. At that time I was enjoying my family, my life, everything was great then wammy. So when I had my second and third setbacks that were totally set off by stress I understood that symptoms are symptoms no matter what is going on. You may have had stress to start the ball rolling but it's fear that keeps the fire roaring, you have to let your heart race . If you have irritable bowel, panic spasms, shortness of breath, scary thoughts, sleepless nights, fear, any other scary symptom let them come. Don't fight them, accept them. Don't try to analyze them and will them away. Medication won't make the feelings go away only numb them for a short time. Some of us only know how to fight. To fight to look composed, to be perfect, to be accepted, liked, the nice one, the ones with bad childhoods, the one who can't say no, everyone's friend but our own. We can't win this battle by fighting only by accepting, accepting, accepting. I repeated Claire Weekes over and over again, till these words became a part of my everyday life. I can still have bad day's but know nothing compared to those times. I don't want to come off as a martyr but just want to share my struggle and recovery so any one reading this will have hope, as many of these other entries have done. I know what every person is going through and want them to know they will get better just give yourself time, smell the roses even if you haven't even noticed there are even flowers in your garden. They will one day give you pleasure once again.

[tina martin]

Yes, yes, Acceptance is big. I can add Positive Self Talk, Expectations, Understanding human nature, Exercise, Meditation.

In addition to Lucinda Bassett's book I have the Sam Obitz book which I still refer to, as you refer to Claire Weekes. I know I can never take any of it for granted. So I continue to come here, grateful for the site and the people who participate. Every day can be a challenge and every day we can resolve to meet it.

[cathyyvonne]

Hi Tina, I am going to look up that book also. I so agree with all the other way's you mention to help with anxiety. I remember walking out in the mountains by myself with my dog, and thought if a cougar got me would I even care. Hiking was also what kept me half sane. Getting out in the open spaces, nature, snuggling into my horses necks on the cold winter mornings.Spending time with friends even though I felt so crappy. Keeping busy is a very good distraction. It is amazing how when you have gone through anxiety and panic when you come through how much more appreciative you are for life and every little thing around you. We all have each other for support. Even though I feel great, anxiety was a part of my life. I have in the past tried to forget I ever had it, not talk about it. That was also a fear I had of it, out of sight out of mind it could never get me again then. That was also a fear. I am not afraid of it anymore. I am going to try to keep up on these posts, I feel like we are all kindred spirits.

[tina martin]

Support can be helpful. I'm about the only one, it seems, who returns. I understand that people improve and move on. If I can help someone, that's a joy. In posting to someone I'm also still reinforcing my own goals.

Your connection to nature speaks to me. I walk every day for exercise but also to be outside, see the sky, breathe the air, watch the clouds, see the trees, flowers, birds, and so return refreshed.