Stress Center Peer Support

I am really nervous to travel. I haven't done so in a VERY long time. I'm 24 and all of my friends love going camping and going to music festivals and travelling. I don't go. I don't really talk to many of my friends anymore either because of this. I'm always afraid that when I hang out with them they're going to invite me to go somewhere and I'll be put on the spot and have to make something up or feel stupid for hiding this. I have opened up about my anxiety to my boyfriend though, he's been pretty good about it. He does however love to travel. I feel like I'm letting him down so much...like he's starting to resent me. I've come a long way in my anxiety. I'm more confident about things and I don't get many panic attacks anymore. Traveling is my main fear. I get so anxious and sick before even having to do something like that, even just going to a concert, that I'm so sick by the time I even get there that I'm panicking. I hate how I can't travel. I'm afraid of planes, and being too far away from home. I feel like if I go somewhere with my boyfriend and I'm axnious that he's going to be insensitive and I'm going to be left feeling even more anxious and horrible than before. Does anyone feel like this at all? Or does anyone have any advice? I need some guidance

I fear traveling too but I force myself to do it and I rarely regret it. In March I went with my fiancee on a 3 day trip to San Francisco, which is about 8 hours from where we live (we drove). The night before we left I had an anticipatory anxiety attack that was pretty bad, BUT I was fine during the whole trip. I felt a little anxious at some points but overall it was fun and I'm glad that we went. I think it's important to recognize that if you do travel, you might feel anxious but that it's okay- it will pass.

hi carla
i`m a 41 year old man who has suffered panic attacks for 20 years and my main fear is travelling in cars,trains and buses.I have so many panic attacks whilst travelling.Even if i try to go to the local shop as a passenger my throat tightens,i cant swallow and i start to panic but as soon as i get out the car it seems better.I try to force myself to travel and always carry a paper bag but i think i`m improving only to have a panic attack and then i`m back to square one.We bought a 7 seater car and what i do now is take out the middle seats and lie down whilst travelling and it helps me so much.I know its illegal here in england but i am able to travel a lot further without panicking but my self esteem is low through it.To see my kids looking at a grown man lying on the floor of the car really gets me down.

thank you theresa and darren for your replies, they mean a lot. It sounds like you are both facing what you fear which is awesome. I get really bad anticipatory anxiety which affects my stomache. I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) which is kind of debilitating, so it's hard to go thru with plans to travel because I feel so ill. =o( Does anybody suffer with stomache problems?

I can appreciate your struggle. I used to have severe agoraphobia and was terrified to leave the house. I recommend you start off with short trips and as your confidence comes back you will be able to take longer trips till eventrually your confidence returns. I am flying to Mexico in a month and I have my anxieties for sure, but I am going to do it. Ten years ago I couldnt leave the house. Be persistent, be kind to yourself, and be willing to face your fears on a daily basis and you will get over this.

Hi,

I agree with the above posters. I am not 100%, but I'm 98% better with traveling. I think small steps are so important. Small successes add up to big successes, and please don't ever underestimate their importance. If you push yourself too hard too fast, you will not find any joy in the experience, and instead of associating travel with fun, you will associate it with pain or even pure hell(which was the case for me at times).

A big component of my healing was knowing that I loved myself and that God loved me, no matter what my functioning with travel was. Sometimes when we have anxiety, we start to really beat ourselves up and look down ourselves when we can't do what appears to be normal and easy for others who do not have anxiety. That's too much pressure to say, "I'm only valuable and loved if I perform by traveling or going out with friends". Don't equate your value with your performance regarding anxiety.

When you take that pressure off, you can then think practically about your motivations. You can focus on the good reasons why you want to travel, etc. Two weeks ago, my husband and I went to see Star Trek. It was the first movie we had seen in a theater in seven years. We do have a son with severe autism which makes going out difficult, but it had become my anxiety that was keeping us from going out to the movies. I have been so much better over the past two years, and it dawned on me the week before Mother's Day, that I just wanted that to be my Mother's Day present. I chose a very early showing of the movie when my son was at school and when few people would be there, and my husband had worked over time so he could take off from work during that time which was hard to ignore as an opportunity. I had anticipation, but it was excitement about the movie. I love JJ Abrams and his show "Alias" is one of my favorite and comforting shows of all times that helped me during my hard times with anxiety. Seeing Sidney Bristow be feminine and vulnerable but strong at the same time enduring all she did was a great role model for me! So, I focused on why I wanted to go, and also my husband looks a little like the actor who plays the young Captain Kirk!:) I just thought of all these reasons I wanted to go, and that was my focus. When Friday came, I felt tired, and I started to think of reasons I didn't want to go. That was O.K., and I think it was a good sign that I was trying to think rationally about what was best for me. I wanted to make the decision and I didn't want to wait and let a panic attack make the decision for me. I finally said, "Luvpiggy(replace my name in there), what do you want? This is about what you want, and not about meeting some goal. Do you want to go?" The answer was that I wanted to go, and I set it up to be as successful as possible with as little pressure as possible. Small steps before that gave me the confidence to take a bigger step, and I also used a trick of comparing it to taking a really big step like sailing around the world by myself to put it into perspective. I didn't use that comparison to minimize my success, but just to put it into comparison. So, going to see Star Trek was nothing in comparison to sailing around the world:). I was basically in my own backyard:).

I know when you are like this, one of the big things is thinking that it will always be this way. I know that for Darren John, that may feel like that even more, but the truth of the matter is that just knowing that things can and will be different is a huge step in healing. I think doing small successful steps shows you that things can be different, and when you realize that, the pressure is off. Also, just really loving yourself at your very worst is a big key to healing. Do you know something else? Sometimes we tell ourselves that we will have more friends, etc. if we just didn't have anxiety and we would be more worthy of love, etc. If we aren't in places to meet others there is some truth to that, but I actually met some that were my friends because I had anxiety who didn't want to be my friend when I got well. When I broke that connection of thinking that performance equaled love, it just really helped and took the pressure off.

Take care,
luvpiggy

wow thank you jjfaul and luvpiggy for sharing all of this with me! I truly appreciate it!


I think I'm going to take a short trip this summer or maybe even two a couple hours away for a day and a night and another day, I really think I could do that. Small steps is probably the best way to go to get my confidence up! I hope you have a great time in Mexico jjfaul and luvpiggy I'm really glad that you got yourself to go see Star Trek! We'll all overcome and be awesome...

Darren John,

I go through exactly what you described. It is hard, and I am seen in my family as something unusual because of it. I can go anywhere walking, but if I have to get on a car, bus, train, or plane, I will probably have a panic attack or be extremely anxious. If I eat before leaving the house, I get terrible IBS, so usually I go out on an empty stomach.