Newbie

[Santana19]

Hey everyone... I am new to this!! I'm in session 1 and I hope and pray this works cause I'm at my wits end with my anxiety!! I want my life back!!!

[hope11]

Hi Santana. I am pretty new at this too, about 3 weeks now. How long have you been having anxiety and what kind of symptoms are you having? I know what you mean, I want my life back too. Mine has been two years now and I still have a hard time doing things I used to do. I wish it would "just go away" like a simple cold or headache but this has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. As my therapist said, I have been in the bottom of a pit and slowly scratching my way out to the top again. I told her "yeah, I am scratching without any fingernails". I take one step forward and sometimes what seems like many steps back. But it is getting better, just not as fast as I would like for it to. So I decided to give this program a try. I figured it can't hurt. So far, I seem to be doing a little better and hope to move forward from here. Hope you do to.

[hope11]

It's me again! I was just going to say that I love meeting new friends but never thought I would be meeting them like this in a million years. I do believe God has a plan for our life and maybe this is just a part of it even if we don't like it too much. Who knows? I just hope something really good comes out of all of this so we can say it was worthwhile. I never thought I would be describing a part of my life with the words anxiety, depression, psychiatrists, behavioral therapists, anti-anxiety meds and antidepressants but that has become my life lately and I want to get over it as fast as I can. I'm sure you do too.

[LoriK]

I believe God has a plan for our lives too. I trust that He will use this for some good - perhaps sharing with others to know that they are not alone. I do have to say though that I can relate to the sharings that talk about feeling as though the anxiety is a punishment for not being a good enough Christian. I have become aware of many unhealthy thoughts that I never realized controlled my life. I am learning a lot and I remind myself that it is progress, not perfection, that matters. I admire all of us for admitting that we need help dealing with the anxiety or depression. That is the first step. Whatever words have defined our lives to this point are subject to change. One step at a time, one day at a time, we are emerging stronger, healthier, happier people.

[Santana19]

Hello Hope11.. Thanks for talking with me!! I had my first anxiety attack when I was 15 then I never had one again until after I had my kids but they were controllable about 5 years ago I stopped driving then about a year ago I couldn't be alone so I had a friend move in and stay with me while my husbands at work but I think she makes it worse!! I've been in Counseling for a year and it helps to talk but doesn't help the anxiety at home or driving by myself!! I always feel like no one understands how it feels or that its a joke!! I feel like Inconvenience when I need to find someone to stay with me while my husbands at work!! I so hope this program will pull me out of this hole so I can live a happy life not just for me but for my family!!

[Santana19]

Thank you LoriK for your kind word.. I alway thought that god never gives us more then we can handle but this is to much for me I don't like feeling this way or when I'm by myself thinking something bads gonna happen!! I wish for everyone to have a happy heathy life why can't I wish that for myself!! I can't even go to the grocery store without thinking a bad thought!! I just want some kind of peace!!

[tina martin]

It is so wonderful that you are well motivated to help yourself and to be there for your family. The program can and does help. Please give it the time and attention and focus it calls for. Do it slowly and with dedication. If you look at some of the recent threads you can see where people have benefitted, as you can too.

Welcome and wishing you and the others the very best.

[hope11]

Hi Santana, I know exactly how it feels not to be able to go in the grocery store or to drive to get there by yourself. The first time I tried to help buy groceries with my husband after almost a year, we got to about the fourth isle over and I started feeling like I couldn't breathe and feeling a little dizzy and weak. I told my husband we had to get out of there right then. So instead of him staying with me to go through the checkout line, he went on outside and I had to finish up by myself. When I said we need to leave now, he did, seeming to forget that I had to pay for it first. My hands were shaking so much that I could hardly write the check. But I had made a start. Then I continued to do it more and more until I could go through the whole store. Another thing, now that I have gotten more confident about going in to get groceries (and he still goes with me every weekend while he is off work), I can go on in and start without him and he catches up with me. Sometimes I still feel like I am edgy and kind of short of breath, but I just tell myself I have done it before and can get through it. I also sometimes get a little nervous when I pay with cash, trying to be sure I am giving the right change. I feel like a little kid who has just learned to count money. But it does get better the more you keep doing it. Yesterday, we went, and I drove with him in the car. It was a little bit funny, he was telling me I was scaring him with my driving. He is the type that when our children were learning to drive, he would sit in the front seat with them and I would be in the back trying to tell them how to drive and he wouldn't say a word, even if it looked like we were about to crash into the back of another car but now he says I am scaring him. He says I drive worse than my 80 year old mother (but I don't think I do). Ha! You will also get more confident about staying by yourself. I don't like it and feel like I am going to cry sometimes just knowing my husband will be gone all day but before I couldn't stay here hardly any and now I do alright. I just remind myself that I am thankful that he still has a job because one of us needs to be working. If I could just have one whole day of absolute calmness it would be great. Like today, it is rainy here and has been for most of the last four to five days. I woke up jittery this morning and still feel that way now. I wish something would just make those feelings stop for good. All I know to do is keep hanging in there, even if it is by a thread. I believe I have a long ways to go yet but that God is using me already to help other people and they are helping me by talking to them on this forum. It does me good to talk to my therapist but it doesn't last long enough and is costly. On here, I am talking to people who really know exactly what I am going through and I can talk about different feelings with them. I think that is what will help the most.

One more thing I want to share that I read last night is this:

Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. This will miraculously transform your whole life.

This seems hard to understand but what other choice do we have? So far, I have tried to run from it and get away from the anxiety because it feels horrible and has debilitated my life and my family's lives. But God tells us to trust in His word and just keep having faith. So that is what I will continue to do. I used to say I was being punished for something (I didn't know what because I am a fairly good person) but I don't really believe that. I think maybe God is just teaching me to trust Him more, meaning it and not just saying that I do. I pray for each and everyone included in this forum every day when I pray for my own healing. We all need His miraculous healing.

[Santana19]

Thanks so much for everyone's support and sharing with me!! I've been feeling better with my what ifs... My mind still try's the negative thinking at first but I'm trying the positive self talk and it seems to help so it doesn't turn into a panic attack!!! I've been doing a little bit of driving staying close to the house and I've been staying a little at home without my friend thats living here but when my with my kids home witch I couldn't do this before!! I'm hoping little by little I will be able to do everything I've been wishing I could do!!!

[hope11]

Hi Santana. Glad to hear you are doing better. That's great news. I am also feeling better each day. I think I have the shopping pretty much down pat now. This week, I went shopping a little with my mother in a department store and bought a few things. I used to really enjoy shopping but it had gotten to the point I could care less when I felt so anxious. All I wanted to do was just get out of there as soon as possible. I had lost all interest in looking at anything. I also just didn't have the energy. But now, I look around and actually feel OK. When I started feeling a little edgy, we left. Then we went to the grocery store and stayed a little while. But this this weekend, my husband and I have been doing errands and grocery shopping a couple of times. Today we actually went to two different stores and I was so comfortable that I felt like I probably could have done it alone. It was time for my afternoon dose of medicine and I just let it pass for about thirty more minutes and was still doing OK. I have had several days like that this week where I have delayed the time for my medicine just to see if I can control it and it really seems much better. I have noticed a difference since I started taking vitamins more regularly and since starting the program. I have turned my den into a gym. I ride my stationary bike for 1 to 1 1/2 miles (in 1/2 mile intervals throughout the day) and walk around and around like a track if it is too cold or raining. I am feeling more in control and more energetic. I am still having a little trouble with some anxious feelings but am trying to ignore them or self talk my way or breathe through them and it gets better. I am really encouraged. Don't give up. I have really come a very long way in the last two years of this and mostly in the last month. My friends and family are starting to notice and so am I. Talking and sharing with others has really helped a lot. Hope it helps you too. I'm here anytime you need a listening ear. Take care.