Relationship breakup BAD anxiety! Need adivce please

[relaxnow]

Ok..I. have admitted my negative thinking makes me feel terrible!! I am a 46 year old male I have had anxiety issues since I was young but did not realize this until I was 26 years old going through a relationship breakup which brought on panic attacks and depression. I was put on Zoloft for a while and have taken Prozac a couple times. I seem to be ok most of the time unitl one thing happens. When a relationship breakup happens I get VERY anxious and can't sleep! I have been going through a divorce for 3 years now and fianally coming to an end. It has caused a lot of anxiety trying to come to a agreement on everyting and parenting time but that is all and coming to end. I got into a relationship 2 years ago thnking my divorce was almost over and then it dragged on. My love just ended our relationship on Valentine's day ( this was not the plan she says but we got into a discussion and it happened.) I know this was not a healthy relationship for either of us and we had a lot of issues but I was in love with her and very hard to go through this. We were in contact every day with text and I love her very much. I have listened to the Antacking Anxiety tapes over and over and over throuout the years. I realize my negative thinking is the cause and I have not slept good in 5 days since the breakup . I have sleeping pills that I have only taken 1/2 pill for last 3 years but now I have taken 1 full pill lat 3 nights and still can't sleep good.

I still have a lot of "What if thinking" on other things but relationship issues seems to be the worst for me and very hard to deal with!

I am contemplating going to the doctor to see about anti anxiety medicaiton but I feel I should be over this since I have had the program for 20 years now and I get very down thinking why has this not stuck with me yet? I have never taken anti anxiety meds, just anti depressants a coupel times but do not like the sexual side effects and usually try to go off asap. I have heard all the things about getting addicted to anti anxiety medications and that scares me but this feeling is terrible inside. Does anyone take anti anxiety just at night to sleep? Please help...this is very hard to go through alone. I have talked to family but men just don't open up to other men friends like women do with friends. I need to have this postive thinking stay in my head and move on with my life. Thank you...

[coachchris]

Hi Relax,
This Coach Chris from the coaching team here at Stress. Thank you for your post and reaching out. Sorry to hear about the recent relationship struggles. Breakups are sooooo hard.
Here are a couple suggestions I hope will help.

~Commit to the present moment. Try to not drift back into the past or too far into the future.
~Write out any fears you are having and replace each one with a positive, present moment truth. Rewrite the truths and keep them with you. Reread throughout your day several times.
~Use your relaxation cd minimum twice a day, especially at night before bed. It will help direct thoughts into a calm place.
~Be patient with yourself. It will take some time to feel better but it will come.
~Review lessons 3 and 14.

Please keep us posted. Feel free to private message me if you would like.
We are here to help.
Coach Chris

[relaxnow]

Thank you Coach Chris! I will continue to work on this and might send you a message. If anyone else has opinions please share them with me.

I just find it very hard to deal with this breakup when I was so used to be in contact with someone on a daily baisis for 2 years with seeing her, text or phone and it stops suddenly. It is a big life changer and I feel very very anxious and feel like I'm just not sure what to do with myself when I feel this way. I do not even know if this was good for me since we had lots of issues but when you love someone it hurts very bad inside when it is over no matter the circumstances. I just seems to be getting more difficult after 6 days of not talking to her. I have been feeling like contacting her very bad to see if she still feels the same way after a week but not sure if I should. Thanks

[BlueD]

Well I am a 28 year old female and I have had my share of break ups and bad relationships, I know how hard it can be to deal with. I know that feeling of not being able to eat or breathe and that knot in the pit of your stomach and everytime you get a text or a call you jump up and hope that it's him and when it's not it hurts that much more! Trust me I know! The best thing I did to get over it was get back out. I know it's easier said than done but I had to do it. After I laid there and felt sorry for myself for a few months I decided this is crap. He is out having a great time and I aint going to just sit here anymore. So it took everything I had in me but I got up got dressed and put on my best outfit and a big fake smile and went out! The first time was hard bcus I felt like crap and didn't want to be there but I stayed and did it!! After a few times of going out other men started asking me to dance and giving me phone numbers and I started feeling good about my self again!! I know it don't feel like it now but you will be ok!!

[relaxnow]

Thank you BlueD! Yes very true when I get a text to jump to see if it was her. I feel like I am very weak when it comes to this and really want to toughen up and be less affected somehow.

[relaxnow]

So I was out two nights ago. I was going to go out and have a beer and do some writing. So I walked in the a place and then I saw the gal I am in love with that I am having so much emotional trouble with sitting with another man having drinks. I just about fainted and walked out. She did not see me. I waited outside and watched them go out together and they were kissing when they left. This has been so hard for me and now my anxiety and thoughts are worse for me! I thought she might be seeing someone else just by how she acted when she was quick to say lets just be friends last week. I am so heartbroken and having a hard time with my internal anxiety. My mind is racing so bad and I'm so sad now they I know my love broke up with me for someone else.
I feel like shit thinking about this. There were so many times over the past two years of going out that I told myself that this is not a good relationship for me. At one time I thought is might me but started having my doubts after lot of things happened between us. I was in love with her and don't know why because she did not treat me as good as I wanted to.
Now when I was dumped for someone else I feel so rejected and just feel I want her back so bad. I kills me to think of seeing her with the oother guy. I called her and met up with her and told her I saw her with someone else and she said she was sorry I saw this but it is not helping me cope with with this huge heartbreak! I love her and not sure why I do. I am searching for something positive to help me get through this very hard time for me. I am having so much internal anxiety with all this stress!!

[BlueD]

Hey Relax, I have been there 2! I know you are in pain and I know that other ppl can tell you not to let it bother you or to just move on but I know it's hard! Its really good that you got out and tried to have fun and im sorry you picked the same place to hang out, How old are you?
I know when you are hurting like this that no one can make you feel any better... the only thing that will make you feel better is time!
Just keep on keeping on. I don't know what kind of music you like but have you ever heard the country song called I thank God for unanswered prayers?? Well if not then you should listen to it!!!

[Roxygirlgonecrafty(aka:hows)]

Hi Relax, I'm 30, a parent, and a girlfriend who knows about insecurities, and I think this is what is going on with you.
I think things like yoga would be extremely helpful and give you a more positive mind set.

I have had nothing but negative experiences with anti anxiety meds, and depressants.

What has helped me is a healthy foods diet (lots of green veggies, antioxidants like kale,spinach and swiss chard), positive mind set techniques and exercise.

PM me any time you like, I love sharing health knowledge and can relate to anything Anxiety, and "your not the only one" is so comforting to hear, I never get tired of it I'm sorry about your break up Take care

[relaxnow]

Thank you for your input BlueD and Roxygirl. I have always liked working out so that is a good thing. Music can be a good thing too. Right now I have mostly just been listening to program Cd's while driving.

It is a little weird that when you get so stressed by something and the panic starts again after you think you had it figured out before. I am working hard at accepting the feelings and telling myself they will not hurt me. It is crazy that I can have a decent evening and get as much sleep as I a can and wake up the next day and the bad feeling just seems to come on. I thnk it might just be a memory and have to keep talking to myself with comforting statments I am guessing?