Parent Guilt

[Gigi123]

Hey guys,

I'm dealing with a bit of a situation. My boyfriend and I are taking off on a nice hot holiday this Saturday (that is not the problem ) My dad just called me up the other day and said that he would like to give me my Christmas gift before we leave, I'm thinking it's something I could use on my holiday, which is very thoughtful. The problem is, my younger brother is sick with a really bad cold right now and caught pink eye. I really don't want us to get sick before we leave on our holiday, I suggested to my dad that he and my stepmom come over to our place instead. We're already celebrating with them and my younger siblings when we get back from our trip, as we'll be home in time for Christmas. My dad instantly sounded really disappointed and put off, which of course made me feel guilty. It's nothing personal, I don't want to leave him out or make him feel not included, he's just really sick right now and I need to take care of us. I always find that's where I struggle, I know what the "right" thing is to do in order to take care of us, but I have a hard time letting go of the guilt.

[coachchris]

Hi Gigi,

I think you did the right thing inviting them over. Was your father's response typical for him? Is there a history of him controlling you with guilt? We are also very sensitive people and we can pick up a lot of false guilt so be sure to under-react and continue to use positive selftalk in the situation. There is always a back and forth when we are learning to use our new coping skills. Have a great vacation! Keep us posted

Here to help,
Coach Chris StressCenter.com

[Gigi123]

Thanks for your advice, Chris. It is very much appreciated Yes, my dad has used guilt in the past if I couldn't do something for them or couldn't be there, he uses his "disappointed" voice, which has always made me feel very badly and maybe on a subconscious level, he knows it works. I will try and "under react" when this happens. The visit after all was super nice and it was great just having a visit with him

[katie12]

Thought I'd post back to this.. I feel bad writing this as I am sensitive in this way to say anything that might be taken as "bad" about my parents. But I do notice that I do get the "guilt trip" and even if their response can be remotely taken (after me extensively analyzing it) as disapproval or disappointment I feel extremely guilty and bad about it, and it makes me change my decision or something that I said so that they will approve... I just don't like feeling like I am doing something they don't like. Also, I don't drive so I feel as though I owe them because they drive me... I feel terrible about it. But it makes me feel like I'm still really dependent on them, which I am, but I feel like I owe them constantly because of it, among other things