Stress Center Peer Support

The workbook and the panic to power talk alot about being able to forgive. Im haveing trouble learning how to do that. Does anyone have any ideas or things that worked for them i keep saying ok i forgive the person but then the thoughts come back not sure how to really forgive anyone with positive insite thank you

I am have not gotten this down by any means. I still am working on this and struggle. I just finished session 6 - Stop being angry and control your mood swings. But I think with forgiveness (As well as just about anything as I'm learning) it's all about the way we think, feel, look at the situations. If we decide to hold on to it we will. I think it's also not exactly forgiving that we have to learn to do, but learning to let go. I am reading this book called "The secret of letting go" by Guy Finley. I guess I didn't read about it as well as I thought I had, as I thought it was a book on forgiveness (as the workbook for session 6 suggests you read a book on forgiveness) In a way it is, but really it's just that learning to let go. I have not finished it yet (am 48% done) so haven't mentioned it in the book club suggestion, but think it goes very well with the program and how our feeling, reactions are really up to us, we decide what they will be. The secret of letting go is basically about letting go of (as he describes it) your "false self" and to let go of your "false self" you find your "true self"

Anyway I guess I am suggesting maybe you try looking at it in a different way, not that you need to forgive, but you need to let go and move on.

thank you ill try that and try and get to where i just say ok im gonna just let it go and get on with my life. thanks

Forgiveness is a difficult concept for me. "Letting Go" is an excellent substitute. Some things are just unforgivable but we need not carry them around with us. We will be much healthier without them.

However, I do think it is important to make peace with ourselves. So we want to forgive ourselves for whatever we see as having been less than exemplary. We forgive ourselves, learn, if possible, and try again. That's a big step in the right direction: forgive ourself, like ourself, love ourself. Isn't it wonderful to have the site back? Hope others return.

Yes it is also important to forgive ourselves!! You can't move forward if you can't forgive your past. And as much as we try, simply "forgetting" does not work. It will always come back in someway or another.

I think with forgiving/letting go to things others have done or caused.... is also trying to understand, putting yourself in their shoes so to say. I think often when we do this, we see it wasn't intentional many times the other person may have not even realized this happened. From the book I am reading I had a light bulb moment that ties into this a little also. We are NOT our feelings!! Our feelings are not us!! As I'm still learning this concept, I don't really know how to explain it anymore than just saying that.

And yes Tina - it's GREAT to have the site back!!! It has been such a helpful tool, it was a little frustrating having it down for so long!! I hope you are doing well!

Thank you, I'm doing well enough. Hope you are fine.

You bring up another important point which I learned from The Four (now Five) Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (Tao Wisdom). You can read them on the web. One is "Don't Take Anything Personally." People do things or say things because of what's in THEM, in their own experience, not necessarily what you think you have evoked. It is a very helpful concept. I always return to it.

Yes that is deffinatley a great point to remember and something I'm sure many of us have to come back to. I will check out the Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am doing well. Still working the program, slowly but surely. Although there has been a time or two I wanted to just say "forget it" But I know where I will end up if I do that, and I AM NOT going back there again!!!

Just want to add that the program (like CBT) may work well for some time, but recidivism occurs. Meaning, in my mind, that certain parts really need to become part of anyone's life. This is true for me. What I need to tell myself has to be repeated and repeated.

Perhaps this is sort of like a life change re diet, for example. To eat well, to stay at our desired weight is, for some, a daily effort, a daily commitment. It can be done.

i am glade its here too. i enjoy talking to everyone. i still struggle learning how to forgive and forget my prob is forgetting i am tring it seems that is one of the hardest things for me to do. I struggle a little with finding a perpus you know what i mean. I feel a little destint at times and that makes me a little agitated at times. I am learning how to roll with the feelings but im am woundering if that is part of the getting better prosses or if its just the anxiety. Not sure yet i do know that i have made a pretty great deal of progress there is just a few things that are kinda holding me back it feels like.

Tina, that makes sense. I think anything within us we are trying to change takes practice and patience. Repetition is the key to learning many things. Even in school they teach with repetition!!

Chris - I think that might be part of the trouble, maybe you are trying to hard to forget!! I think the more we try to "forget" the more whatever we are trying to forget resist. By trying to forget you keep that thought alive. (This is explained better in this book I am reading - the secret to letting go - by Guy Finely)
I think it is part of the process. I know when starting the program it can also make us feel a little more anxious and things. Then you get to a point (where I am) where you know you can't be who you were, but you don't really know how to be who you are becoming. That has had me in a slight rut lately, but I'm not going to let it pull me down. Although it is a lot of work, and some is hard work, I know it will be worth it in the end!!