Wife is tired of my condition
It looks like my wife of almost nine years wants to leave me because of my anxiety and depression. I was kind of a blind sided by this and feel tons of hurt and wondering why. I have been dealing with this condition for the past 3 years now and never did I sense she would think about leaving me because of it. I know I'm not the most positive person to be around, but it's not like I'm not trying to get better and thinking of her needs as well. She said she would go see someone with me, but I'm not sure how much it will help. The way she's talking you would think her mind is already made up. We have an 8 year old and a 3 year old and it would crush my oldest. I'm not sure how I would go on without seeing my wife and kids every day. All of the things we talked about doing in the future and it's now gone. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life as I worry about finding someone that would understand what I'm going through and support me no matter what. "In sickness and in health" Does that not mean anything to some people??? I know if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd be there for her no matter what. I am really struggling with this and we don't see anyone until Wednesday. Tomorrow is my birthday and next Wednesday is our aniversary and I've never felt so bad in my entire life. I'm having a very hard time seeing any positives. I'm desperate and hurting. I can't eat and having a hard time sleeping. I can't muster a smile for nothing. I have never cried as much as I have over this past weekend and now I'm drained. I 'm at work right now and can't stand to be here either. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Kodiak44 on Mon Feb 08, 2010 2:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Dear Kodiak44
I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. It is hard enough for you to be going through depression, let alone doing it alone. I suffer from anxiety and palpitations and I know that my husband has a difficult time dealing with me. If it wasn't for this support group, I would be lost.
You see, they ( your wife/my husband) un like us, are able to brush off the depression and anxiety and move on. To them, we sit and dwell. When really we are fighting an internal battle.
Your wife is obviously struggling with understanding what you are going through. Maybe councling would help? Seems like your wife could benefit from it as well. Maybe by hearing from a professional what you are going through, she may understand?
Always know that there are GOOD people on this site willing to help us. Believe me, they have helped me though a lot thus far.
I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. It is hard enough for you to be going through depression, let alone doing it alone. I suffer from anxiety and palpitations and I know that my husband has a difficult time dealing with me. If it wasn't for this support group, I would be lost.
You see, they ( your wife/my husband) un like us, are able to brush off the depression and anxiety and move on. To them, we sit and dwell. When really we are fighting an internal battle.
Your wife is obviously struggling with understanding what you are going through. Maybe councling would help? Seems like your wife could benefit from it as well. Maybe by hearing from a professional what you are going through, she may understand?
Always know that there are GOOD people on this site willing to help us. Believe me, they have helped me though a lot thus far.
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I can relate to your situation. My husband was so tired of my behavior that he was ready to leave, we grew apart and he was so sick and tired of me not changing. I went almost an entire year not knowing what was wrong with me, I just couldn't live normally and my husband just didn't know what to do. He began seeing my behavior as laziness, once I started the work, he was really proud of me.
It was so bad for me at one point that I just didn't care what he did. I didn't understand what was going on in my mind, so I knew he didn't either. Once I learned, it all became a little easier.
I was so desperate to change that I had to focus on myself, and if I lost him in the process, I didn't care...the desperation to change was so strong that I had to let go of many issues that would plague my mind with stress and fear.
It sounds incredibly selfish, but in the long run, it is for the best. Put yourself first! If your wife sees all that effort, her anger will surely melt away. I mean, thats what I had to do! Just the fact that you are on this website demonstrates your desire for a better life! You can do it! Just reading your post, I can see how insightful you are, start the work! I had to temporarily separate myself from my family to get better, it was like rehab, but for my mind. Maybe try that? What ever you do, just keep moving forward. Melissa
It was so bad for me at one point that I just didn't care what he did. I didn't understand what was going on in my mind, so I knew he didn't either. Once I learned, it all became a little easier.
I was so desperate to change that I had to focus on myself, and if I lost him in the process, I didn't care...the desperation to change was so strong that I had to let go of many issues that would plague my mind with stress and fear.
It sounds incredibly selfish, but in the long run, it is for the best. Put yourself first! If your wife sees all that effort, her anger will surely melt away. I mean, thats what I had to do! Just the fact that you are on this website demonstrates your desire for a better life! You can do it! Just reading your post, I can see how insightful you are, start the work! I had to temporarily separate myself from my family to get better, it was like rehab, but for my mind. Maybe try that? What ever you do, just keep moving forward. Melissa
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I have been exactly where you are. I can offer you hope that you can get your life back. PM me and I will give you my email address. Hang in there. Congratulate yourself for starting this program. YOu probably dont allow yourself much credit. You are a good person and you are going to get through this to maybe an even better side. Everything happens for a reason.
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I feel your pain. My husband left me because of my 3 year condition. Not only did he not understand what I was going through but neither did I. I was absolutely devastated that he chose to leave me during one of the most trying times in my life but the good news is, after I moved out, lived on my own(with two kids) for almost 6 months, I came across this program.
The program changed my life, not at first, but very gradually, one baby step at a time. I was at a point in my life where I would do anything to feel better. From a distance, my husband saw a change in me and wanted to be a part of this program, especially listening to the CD for the "loved ones". He balled his eyes out and felt horrible that he didn't understand. How could anyone understand what we're really going through unless they've experienced it themselves.
We are back together after a year of being apart and I can tell you that the most important thing you can do for yourself is to FOCUS on YOURSELF at getting better. Don't give up on the program and keep moving forward even when you feel like you've fallen back. You're learning, you're growing, you're trying and you're doing. What's important is wanting to change on your own, whether your spouse chooses to be with you or not. At some point your spouse will see you change, and most importantly YOU will see you change. Everything will fall into place, it always does, one way or another.
I pray for your healing.
The program changed my life, not at first, but very gradually, one baby step at a time. I was at a point in my life where I would do anything to feel better. From a distance, my husband saw a change in me and wanted to be a part of this program, especially listening to the CD for the "loved ones". He balled his eyes out and felt horrible that he didn't understand. How could anyone understand what we're really going through unless they've experienced it themselves.
We are back together after a year of being apart and I can tell you that the most important thing you can do for yourself is to FOCUS on YOURSELF at getting better. Don't give up on the program and keep moving forward even when you feel like you've fallen back. You're learning, you're growing, you're trying and you're doing. What's important is wanting to change on your own, whether your spouse chooses to be with you or not. At some point your spouse will see you change, and most importantly YOU will see you change. Everything will fall into place, it always does, one way or another.
I pray for your healing.
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It is indeed hard on our spouses, hard on us. What can we do...well, I guess we have to accept their decisions as unfair is it seems, it's the only way to push through it right?
Try to get through the program, it teaches that most situations are beyond our control and it's the way we think about them that helps us. It really does.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this!
And your positives: you have 2 beautiful children, you can improve your situation with or without your spouse, YOU are in control of YOU, you have a job, you have many, many blessings going for you, from the air you breathe, to your health, to the food on your plate to your loved ones.
Try to get through the program, it teaches that most situations are beyond our control and it's the way we think about them that helps us. It really does.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this!
And your positives: you have 2 beautiful children, you can improve your situation with or without your spouse, YOU are in control of YOU, you have a job, you have many, many blessings going for you, from the air you breathe, to your health, to the food on your plate to your loved ones.
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Dear Kodiak 44,
Some one advised that I go to live chat on this site. I did and it is GREAT! Many live people to talk with and are open to give you good advice. it anything at all, it is just nice to know there is some one live to talk to when you need it.
I know what you are going through. My husband has distanced himself from me also, all over palpitations I am suffering with. No one knows what you are going through unless you have been there. You take care ok?
Sending you a BIG hug.
Some one advised that I go to live chat on this site. I did and it is GREAT! Many live people to talk with and are open to give you good advice. it anything at all, it is just nice to know there is some one live to talk to when you need it.
I know what you are going through. My husband has distanced himself from me also, all over palpitations I am suffering with. No one knows what you are going through unless you have been there. You take care ok?
Sending you a BIG hug.