Stress Center Peer Support

For several of the past years, my wife, kids and I have taken an week vacation to visit family out of state. We generally have a great time and do several fun activities. We keep the vacation within our budget and do activities that are within our means. By no means is this an extravagant vacation. It's really just a great time to reconnect with family and for everyone to take a good break.

The issue that I've found myself facing though for the past several years is an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and depression upon returning from vacation. Pre-vacation...I'm fine, Post-vacation...I'm not doing so well. My anxiety revolves around the financial aspects in life and leaves me with a bunch of "I'm not good enough" anxiety. I don't make enough money, I'll never have enough money for retirement, I haven't saved enough money for the kids college or our retirement, I'm overpaid for what I do, if I ever lose my job I'll never find a comparable one. I also begin to take on a miser attitude which obviously strains the relationship between my wife and I. I attempt to prove each of these statements as incorrect, I simply won't accept my rebuttal. Since neither the statement nor rebuttal can be proven, I'm left obsessing of the statements and attempting to formulate answers which don't exist.

All of this leaves me with returns from vacation being very uncomfortable and a desire to no longer take them in order to avoid the negative feelings. It's as if vacation leaves me with way to much time to thing. While I take an anti-depressant daily, these feelings are too overwhelming even for that.

I'm curious if anyone else struggles with this and what their experience has been?

Really can't go on about vacations because I'd make too many enemies. When I was young I acceded to them, always longing for the day it ends and I can go home again. Now can't even remember when I last went on one. My vacation is every day right where I am.

Liberate yourself: do or don't do what suits you. Best to you.

Randy70,
I can relate to your thinking. Mine is not about after vacation, but many of the worries you think about / like not making enough money, saving, jobs.
The truth is that everyone feels all this uncertainty. I personally was raised with planning parents. Now that I'm in my 50's I still feel the need to plan. BUT know one knows what to plan for or how much is enough???? And my poor parents could not have planned for the way things have turned out.

For me, I have turned all this over to GOD. I have started to live one day at a time, and try to enjoy each day. I don't really know how I have gotten to where I am at in my life, having a business, home, ect...but I have done it. One step at a time. So for the future, I know I am a good worker,a person who lives in her means and as long as I have my health I will be able to have a job. How long my life savings will last who knows?
I say enjoy your family, these vacations are making good family time together, as long as every one is enjoying them. How much is that worth?

Best of luck,

THH,

How do or did you work around the planning/financial obsession? Are you still struggling with that? Do you have a daily routine, exercise or other aid that allows helps you to turn items over to God?

Although I am a christian and believe in God, perhaps I do not have enough faith in Him. I strongly desire to have these feelings removed (something I believe will never happen), I would not wish this on anyone other than for them to understand what it is to live with overwhelming feelings of fear. My mind gets fixated on particular fears and doesn't want to let go (e.g. financial, am I living where I'm suppose to be living, am I doing what I'm suppose to be doing). Additionally, since I am the sole financial support for our family, I feel a huge burden to "get it right the first time" and not make a mistake that could negatively impact my family's stability and/or opportunities.

While we had a wonderful vacation, and it was good for the entire family, I believe that it raised doubts about where I am in life, not that I don't enjoy where I live and what I do. There are just so many choices and so many alternatives in life. I know this sounds funny, but it's as if each alternative holds some horrible consequence for choosing/not choosing it (the good ole opportunity cost). The safety is in doing nothing (which I feel is what giving it to God does...just let things happen), which then brings up fears of its own in that I'm missing other opportunities. It's like ADD at a macro/life level...btw leads me to believe that I now have an undiagnosed ADD condition. lol.

Randy,
For me, I still have times where I can obsess with it, or let it depress, scare me. What I work at is living in the here and now. I have what I need today. I can't possibly start saving a thousand dollars a month, but when I have spare change or dollars put it away for the rainy day stuff. Do what I can when I can, and not anx over not having enough??? The what ifs in my mind can overwhelm me so I just have to stop it. Put up the stop sign and go DO something in this day only. I can struggle with it daily if I think to much about it, then when I catch myself thinking all those negative thoughts and start being grateful for what I have now. Yes ~ I break down what is it exactly that is bothering me. Then problem solve. I think the program mentions internal stress and external stress. External are things you can not change. Like the weather, how long you are going to live, what the future holds. I sometimes will pray on these external things. Looking for guidance, wisdom,just direction in general.

I am a infant when it comes to learning to let go, putting positive energy into trusting the almighty, but when I have, and my results have been peaceful I am encouraged to gravitate more in this department. It is a new growth for me. So much of our lives really is not in our control. I don't know why we are raised with this idea?

In this program someplace, it ask you to prioritize things in your life. After writing them all down I numbered them. I was surprised the results on that. It made me realize I was not putting enough time into the things that were really high on my list as far as who I am and what I like. Work- my job is what I do. So that reconnected me to my beliefs and has me growing in this area.

I know what you are saying too with getting fixed, or fear and not let go. It does not come easy for me either. I can say that it does get better when you are trying and doing positive things to help with the cause. Also you need to be praised for being a " old fashion" sole earner for your family.Also I may add, the burden you may have is in your expectations of yourself. Its ok to ask for help! Failing just may mean a new beginning.

I get the doubts things too. We have a business and all cost are rising. We have not increased our prices in 2 years. Our profit margin is smaller but we also have work. The risk in raising prices may cause some of our valued customers to go else where. Its easier to keep the people you have then get new ones. We are sitting tight for another year to see if and what changes come along. Our bills are paid, not much left for savings but so many doing much worse. I look at it like a card game, poker. Ya don't have to raise the bid, you can check and see what everyone else is doing? Haha.( don't know if your a card player) a pair is not a high hand in most cases, but it also has been know to win on occasion.

LOL... ADD undiagnosed, Me too! Hang in there...its just life! LOL....

Hi Randy,
I get that way as well. We haven't taken a big vacation lately, mainly because we are still paying for it. Actually, that is part of the reasons we haven't taken the more expensive type of vacations. Which were over 10 years ago. My husband reminded me of my trip I took a year ago which didn't involve a fancy cruise, amusement park of hotel. It was just a road trip and a stay at some middle ground motels/hotels. It was all worth it! I saw my family and their son get married, saw dear friends I hadn't seen since I got married, was able to go to my home town and memory lane.

I knew that we could afford it, but my husband was throwing this in when I was frustrated about getting something else done or maybe just his worries. He didn't go on this trip and usually doesn't go on vacation with me because he is always tied to our business. My eldest child always says that DH (dear husband) needs a hobby. But I tell him that his work is his hobby.

But he has the same concerns as THH, we own a service business, costs are up, we've been cheated by employees that we helped out to get started in our line of work, just for them to go off, pretend to be "us" and cheat our customers of great service. It is very dishearteningly, but we also know as THH says, is that God knows these things are happening and the more I study the scriptures and C.S. Lewis writings along with others. We are here for the opposition in life and to put our Trust in the Lord.
Which is really hard...as you know. But I've been working on it just as THH has been saying a lot more to take one day at a time...Baby Steps...as I worked on doing what I possibly can and then just have Faith that my needs will be taken care of...things have been working out.

Also, I have been on Anti-depressants and bad things have happened to me. When I've been on them and when I haven't.
So at this point, with my anxiety...I debate whether to go back on them. Because things are still happening that caused me some anxiety before when I was on them and will the AD's make a difference. I'm trying to work out the reasons why I feel anxious in the first place to need the AD's.

Anyway, I just have to say, that I just returned from a mini vacation by myself as everyone else was busy. I was able to do a lot of soul searching on this trip, not too far from home, but yet in the mountains and near a lake and river. Plus many happy people there because they were on vacation. I felt lonely and yet was able to feel comfortable with it as I met other people and started to ride my bike I haven't ridden for years. I was a bit scared and I left my bike helmet at home in my rush to get going. My bike wasn't in the best condition and I swallowed my pride to let a shop at least grease the chains or something for me, which they did for $20.00 cuz they felt sorry for me. LOL! I clearly felt out of my element, but I didn't care. I'm not there to do a mountain bike expedition or "make records" of speed and endurance.

I was there to have fun and do something I haven't done for years. Yes, it was a bit embarrassing, but I'm the one on vacation and they are the ones working. I had a great time riding my bike into a State Park and ride my bike along a lake and also amongst the campers, some in tents and others in the big RV's, but all having fun and enjoying their families and their campfires. They all were happy and I just fit right in riding past them on the nice paved road amongst the pine trees and sweet smelling air.

Kids would be out playing or riding their bikes along with older couples riding more slowly, all saying, "Hi" to me as I went by. They didn't know I wasn't a fellow camper, just a person staying at a nearby Timeshare which I don't own, just was "lucky" to be staying there. Which is what THH is saying that sometimes good things just show up, when we aren't worried about it.

So because I did all that bike riding, I was sore but felt great. It took my depression or anxiety away. Then when I came home, I was able to go boating for the first time this year and I was ready for the challenge of getting up on waterskiis which I hadn't done for years. My family was so surprised after the third try I was up! They didn't think it would happen and they have never seen me on waterskiis, ever! I hadn't been waterskiing for 32 years. All they knew, is that I use to!

It is a long story about that as well, a painful story of why I hadn't been waterskiing, but serendipity and divine providence made this possible, by putting into our "laps" or "hands" a speedboat, and on that day that speedboat at waterskiis and tow rope in it from a weekend before that my son and his young friends with small children had been at.

I felt stronger after working this program and after the tubing was done, I knew I just had to try to waterski again. The lake was getting cooler and the idea of getting wet wasn't my favorite idea, but I had to push forward, as Lucinda says, do what you fear. I was fearful because I'm older now and have been suffering from "fear". My body isn't as young as it use to be and I'm feeling my age and all the muscle aches, but I just had to see if I could do it.

Well, I did it and while I was in the water, it was beginning to get cloudy and then thunder and lightning was happening. I figured, well, I'm already in the water, I'm going to go for it. So I did and did get up the third try after I got the feel of it and my body remembered what I needed to do. When I got up on the skiis I was the happiest camper! I was all smiles and happy tears, I was doing great, didn't try anything fancy, just stay up was my goal.

Then I could see ahead that the lake water getting choppy and I decided I'm not going down in a wipe out. So I just hand signaled that I was going to quit and for them to cut the engine. It was a Happy Day and all my family and grandchildren were so excited and impressed, they could not believe it! It was a glorious achievement for me. I have to say that I said a little prayer before I got up on skiis, because I really needed this...I needed to know that I can do the things I use to do before I experienced my first panic attack and also other very sad things that had happened to me in the past eight years.

I don't know if this is helping you, but I just wanted to let you know that I worry about the same things and how I'm going to achieve some of my goals and pay my bills. I just wanted to Ditto everything that THH had to say, because we both agree that we have to work on things by taking one step at a time, and put our faith in the Almighty.
Paislee