Stress Center Peer Support

I have been having panic attacks for at least 10 years.. they started off as rare occasions that were more of a bother than anything else, but over time they came more often and stressed me out more and more... for the last 2 years I have been a closet agoraphobic! I had a random panic attack in walmart once, and the fear of another slowly started to affect my shopping.. same story with driving alone and attending my college classes... i wish i had known then that trying to avoid doing these things alone would only compound my inner anxiety and make me an agoraphobic!! I hide my issue well... most people have no clue that the thought of jumping in the car alone, or grocery shopping alone makes me wanna run crying to my room and lock the door... if i have to do things alone it is a painful and tiring experience... so for the most part i limit my driving alone as much as possible, and usually pal up with a friend (even she doesn't know about my anxiety) for our weekly shopping trips!

i hid all my anxiety issues as they grew from everyone... but as they got worse i felt i had to tell someone, so i told my boyfriend of 6yrs, he's also the father of my kids, and he was totally un-supportive! he told me there is no way an outspoken independent person like me should have any reason not to drive alone, or shop alone, or go to class... he told me to quit being a big baby and get over it! and for a while i believed that he was right... this isn't who i was and maybe if i wasn't being such a big baby i could overcome this.. so i shut my mouth and suffered silently some more... then i woke up in the middle of the night with a burning thought in my mind... it doesn't matter if i am being irrational, a big baby, or if something really is wrong in my head, this is my partner and i deserve his love and support regardless of whether he truly understands or not.. i was up the rest of the night thinking about what i would say to him... long story short he wasn't prepared to accept me for who i am nor support me while i try to fix the problem... so i packed my stuff and left! As i was planning to leave i had another realization... i'm scared to live alone---grhhhh stupid anxiety---but i decided i can't possibly be more miserable alone than living with my secret and a lousy partner!

I lived through moving into my own place and quickly realized how unhappy i had actually been with him! This empowered me to find a way to get over my anxiety... which is how i ended up here! I will admit this... despite the wrong attitude he held about anxiety he was right about one thing... only I have the power to fix this... which is what i plan to do!! I have also tried to explain my anxiety to my parents and one of my friends... they have all given me negative responses... you're crazy, just get over it...

sooo really long story short... after trying to share with many people close to me, all that has accomplished is alienating me from even more people and resulted in zero support!!!!!!!!!!! the few friends i still have i refuse to broach the subject for fear of totally being alone if they to can't accept me too... i know the program says to be my own safe person, but how am i supposed to get through all of this alone with no one to talk to or to support my efforts?!?!?!?

Now that you're here, you'll have loads of people to talk to. Welcome!

Welcome, tbabystroup! It is true, you will have friends here that will accept you and help you on your way! Paislee

I'm also doing this on my own. Nobody knows about it. I just started the program. We can do this together. Keep each other motivated and discuss what we learned. I am only on session 2, and I find the CD's really helpful and packed with knowledge and useful staff.

thank you for replying! it's hard work to hide my issues and it was hard to finally try to open up to people, and it was even harder to have my worst fears come true in that the people i thought i could trust responded so negatively to me! it is deeply comforting to not feel so alone in this!

tbabystroup- I like your signature posting about the negatives, good thought! Paislee

paiseleegreen> i saw that on someone's facebook quotes and it really spoke to me so i figured i'd pass it along to others!!

You are definitely a great person for sticking with this!!!

Your post is so brave! Even braver is your decision to take care of yourself, step away from a bad relationship. You can't control your loved ones' reactions... they may never get it. I have been where you are with that, a few times over, and it is awful. Family is not always the best support network and can disappoint and hurt in profound ways. But you're already on the right track and in the right place and so far from alone! Welcome!