You are not alone...What happened to me and how I got better
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:01 pm
Please realize this....Anxiety Panic Attacks have not killed one single person to date...NO ONE! I understand the concept of feeling so bad that you feel as if you are taking your last breathe. I am not preaching that I have all the answers. Anxiety Attacks get the best of me from time to time too. I think it is our irrational thoughts that get us in trouble. I remember one night I was with my 12 year old daughter at the time in my truck outside the ER. I was shaking so bad that I thought I would shatter bones. The irrational thoughts set in and I was so embarrassed that I had my daughter sitting in the truck with me up at the ER....I mean talk about feeling neglectful. My daughter turns to me with tears in her eyes...12 years old mind you and says....Daddy, you are okay...Could every doctor that you have seen been wrong? Wow, hit me like a ton of bricks. I had seen over 20 doctors at least in the last year. So here is this 12 year old with all her rationallity making a logical assesment of her father. At my worst I dropped down to 147lbs at 6'3 inches tall. I did not eat, did not sleep, and would not be more than 15 ft of my truck at any given time. I slept with my clothes on and shoes on...All this because I wanted a way to the hospital quickly and I didn't want to have to hassel with putting clothes and shoes on while having an anxiety attack. I was obsessed with fear. Then one day I got on the ground and started doing push ups. I guess I was just telling myself that all this pain and fear was not worth it anymore. I stopped caring about death and started caring about living instead. That day I took alot of power away from my anxiety attacks. I guess in a way I was saying either kill me or leave me alone....The misery was so great that I just didn't care anymore. I was going to do something about this in the here and now. At this time of my life I am now 205 lbs and work out every day. I still have anxiety attacks, they are still scary, but I limit their power by recognizing them for what they are....IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS! I think dealing with anxiety panic dissorder is all about having the tools to deal with it...Also staying in the present when you have one not allowing yourself to dwell on past experiences or future expectations of what it might do to you. For the most part I am now an observer to my anxiety and not an active paricipant. I still have alot of work to do regarding the matter....BUT LIFE IS BETTER.
It is always good to hear success stories. And I can't imagine the anxiety you felt to be parked next to the ER got so slim. I feel better with the anxiety I felt when I am able to work in my garden and out in the sunshine. The dark and cold winter months sure doesn't help me. Glad you are doing so much better! Paislee 