Dear Diary
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Just read this and believe all of it. Can't respond more now because I'll be late for weights, but will do so later. Go to Julie's classroom. You'll forget yourself and enjoy the kiddies and Julie's good work. You'll be fine. Love..........T
Re: Dear Diary
PS Diary,
SHit, he's home so I'll type fast.
It really hurt my feelings being left out of my father's will with the exception of the shares of stock.
It really hurt my feelings that my mother sued me for the little I received. (she lost)
It really hurt my feelings that my father put a clause in his will that if anyone contested his will they would receive $1.00.
I would never have contested his will.
It really makes me feel ...........fill in the blank........that my stepmother just sold their home for 8.5 million or 15 million and my brother's didn't even receive a tie or anything. She gave all of my father's belongings to her brother.
I don't even know what word to put in that blank.
I'm sure I'm not done.
This is probably just the beginning.
SHit, he's home so I'll type fast.
It really hurt my feelings being left out of my father's will with the exception of the shares of stock.
It really hurt my feelings that my mother sued me for the little I received. (she lost)
It really hurt my feelings that my father put a clause in his will that if anyone contested his will they would receive $1.00.
I would never have contested his will.
It really makes me feel ...........fill in the blank........that my stepmother just sold their home for 8.5 million or 15 million and my brother's didn't even receive a tie or anything. She gave all of my father's belongings to her brother.
I don't even know what word to put in that blank.
I'm sure I'm not done.
This is probably just the beginning.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Hi J, I'm glad you keep venting that is what this Diary was set up for and we are here to encourage you through your deepest hours. I know how you feel in some ways, I care about others more than they care about me. I think that is just the sensitive caring part of us that has been hurt and doesn't want others to hurt or feel the pain we have.
My daughter came over after I had a bath very late at night and was ready for bed, she proceeded to talk to me while i'm in my bathtowel, telling me all the things that bothers her about me. Why I'm always in my PJ's, and that I should go watch my husband work and compliment him on the fine job he is doing...huh? I've been with DH and this business for 20 years, I don't need to be out in the wee hours of the morning to watch him work.
I tell my DD that she is Daddy's Little Girl and has a different relationship with him than I do as a wife and that my 33 years of married life has experience that her 30 years of being a child could never understand. She didn't like hearing that even though I told her kindly and listened to her "ideas" with great patience and understanding. I was glad I could see my Psychologist yesterday after that experience. Because it was yesterday morning that it hit me harder on all what she said and I felt, I just can't live with these people! Ugh...but the DR knows that I don't want to live like my sister in her trailer, no way!
Yep, even my DD was jealous of the time I spent talking to my sister who needs someone to talk to her who cares. She doesn't understand my trip to see her living conditions. When the side benefit was a trip with DH without any distractions and it helped our relationship. The DR agreed with that as being a great help to our relationship was to get away from the adult children and their interfering. My DD isn't the best person to give advice on personal relationships. She still has some work to do in that department.
It could be the signs of the times were living in, where young adults are viewed on TV as being aggressive, rude and selfish.
These kids haven't been raised on Leave It To Beaver or Donna Reed or The Waltons. More the Simpsons and the like.
Anyway, I hope you have a good day and night. Peace....Paislee
My daughter came over after I had a bath very late at night and was ready for bed, she proceeded to talk to me while i'm in my bathtowel, telling me all the things that bothers her about me. Why I'm always in my PJ's, and that I should go watch my husband work and compliment him on the fine job he is doing...huh? I've been with DH and this business for 20 years, I don't need to be out in the wee hours of the morning to watch him work.
I tell my DD that she is Daddy's Little Girl and has a different relationship with him than I do as a wife and that my 33 years of married life has experience that her 30 years of being a child could never understand. She didn't like hearing that even though I told her kindly and listened to her "ideas" with great patience and understanding. I was glad I could see my Psychologist yesterday after that experience. Because it was yesterday morning that it hit me harder on all what she said and I felt, I just can't live with these people! Ugh...but the DR knows that I don't want to live like my sister in her trailer, no way!
Yep, even my DD was jealous of the time I spent talking to my sister who needs someone to talk to her who cares. She doesn't understand my trip to see her living conditions. When the side benefit was a trip with DH without any distractions and it helped our relationship. The DR agreed with that as being a great help to our relationship was to get away from the adult children and their interfering. My DD isn't the best person to give advice on personal relationships. She still has some work to do in that department.
It could be the signs of the times were living in, where young adults are viewed on TV as being aggressive, rude and selfish.
These kids haven't been raised on Leave It To Beaver or Donna Reed or The Waltons. More the Simpsons and the like.
Anyway, I hope you have a good day and night. Peace....Paislee
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Some of what got me through are these thoughts:
1. Life was a huge struggle from day one. Life is a struggle.
2. Material things in life entrap people.
3. Love is wonderful when it emanates from inside ourself.
J, your issues would overwhelm anyone lumped together. One at a time with some resolution may be manageable. Also, there will inevitably be ups and downs. The downs are like bad weather: they will pass.
P, the Oedipus Complex is alive and well. Daughters and Dads. I know all about it. But we can also listen to them. It was daughter who first suggested yoga. Then meditation. I listened and we share these interests. What might others say in my position? Old, mostly alone, wondering what kind of physical misery is in store before the curtain fall. It was 3 years ago (April, 2008) when LTT came to me. It gave me nothing less than the rest of my life, whatever is left of it. I refuse to throw it away. Not one moment. And all of you help me not to waste a minute.
1. Life was a huge struggle from day one. Life is a struggle.
2. Material things in life entrap people.
3. Love is wonderful when it emanates from inside ourself.
J, your issues would overwhelm anyone lumped together. One at a time with some resolution may be manageable. Also, there will inevitably be ups and downs. The downs are like bad weather: they will pass.
P, the Oedipus Complex is alive and well. Daughters and Dads. I know all about it. But we can also listen to them. It was daughter who first suggested yoga. Then meditation. I listened and we share these interests. What might others say in my position? Old, mostly alone, wondering what kind of physical misery is in store before the curtain fall. It was 3 years ago (April, 2008) when LTT came to me. It gave me nothing less than the rest of my life, whatever is left of it. I refuse to throw it away. Not one moment. And all of you help me not to waste a minute.
Re: Dear Diary
I love you Tina. It's as simple as that. Your words of encouragement are always taken to heart. So you are never wasting a minute here, that is for sure.
You are right, material things are entrapments, however lovely they may be. You are right that love emanates from the inside out, and you are right that life can be a struggle.
I took your advise and went to see Julie in her classroom. Wow. Wow again. What a mood lifter.
She had made a soundtrack of all the songs I had recommended, the ones that mean something to the both of us, so it was pretty amazing to walk into the room and see her sitting in the corner with the little ones, reading, and the sound track "our house" was going in the backround.
She played "Our House" "I"m sensitive" and "Doe a Deer", and then when "When I'm 64" came on I gathered the children and we all just danced and danced and danced. There is nothing more delightful then the innocence of a child following along with what you do. I would circle around, they circled around, I would clap, they would clap, I would dance and snap my fingers and they danced and wiggled.
Then I read to them wonderful picture books, and then it was snack time and she told me it was time for me to leave.
They call her Miss Julianna, and it was so cute to see. Her class room is spotless, and I'm so impressed with how she has decorated for Earth Day, tying earth day into shapes, which they are learning.
So, my mood was lifted. I really don't care anymore about the items in storage, and I will focus on my lovely Julie.
Thank you for the responses all.
Paislee, don't feel guilty over anything. Children always question us, always find something they wish had been different.
I hide my feelings from Julie most of the time, so I'm sure one day I'll here about that.
Love,
Me.
You are right, material things are entrapments, however lovely they may be. You are right that love emanates from the inside out, and you are right that life can be a struggle.
I took your advise and went to see Julie in her classroom. Wow. Wow again. What a mood lifter.
She had made a soundtrack of all the songs I had recommended, the ones that mean something to the both of us, so it was pretty amazing to walk into the room and see her sitting in the corner with the little ones, reading, and the sound track "our house" was going in the backround.
She played "Our House" "I"m sensitive" and "Doe a Deer", and then when "When I'm 64" came on I gathered the children and we all just danced and danced and danced. There is nothing more delightful then the innocence of a child following along with what you do. I would circle around, they circled around, I would clap, they would clap, I would dance and snap my fingers and they danced and wiggled.
Then I read to them wonderful picture books, and then it was snack time and she told me it was time for me to leave.
They call her Miss Julianna, and it was so cute to see. Her class room is spotless, and I'm so impressed with how she has decorated for Earth Day, tying earth day into shapes, which they are learning.
So, my mood was lifted. I really don't care anymore about the items in storage, and I will focus on my lovely Julie.
Thank you for the responses all.
Paislee, don't feel guilty over anything. Children always question us, always find something they wish had been different.
I hide my feelings from Julie most of the time, so I'm sure one day I'll here about that.
Love,
Me.
Re: Dear Diary
PS
Now I have to run and google that complex Tina mentioned. Something tells me I'm not going to like it.
Now I have to run and google that complex Tina mentioned. Something tells me I'm not going to like it.
Re: Dear Diary
PPS
I didn't understand a word. Thank Goodness.
I didn't understand a word. Thank Goodness.
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
What I left out is thank you for your love, J; thank you for being here; thank you, R, for bringing me here; thank you P for posting and sharing. My heart is overflowing with images of Julie and what you describe. I know those kiddies because as I may have mentioned, I once taught preschool.
J, you need to patent Dear Diary. It is an ingenious idea with endless possibilities. Love.......T
P.S. I see your latest additions. Are you referring to the Oedipus Complex? In very brief terms it just means that daughters are in love with dad and sons in love with mom. This has a long history; including, I think, going back to Greek Drama.
J, you need to patent Dear Diary. It is an ingenious idea with endless possibilities. Love.......T
P.S. I see your latest additions. Are you referring to the Oedipus Complex? In very brief terms it just means that daughters are in love with dad and sons in love with mom. This has a long history; including, I think, going back to Greek Drama.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Dear Diary
J and T, thanks for helping me to feel better. DD won't truly have an understanding of many things until she figures out exactly what she wants in life and doesn't keep seeking it through manipulation of people and the need for things to fill the void of truly giving service such as J's daughter. She does many things to get attention from others instead of just "being". I know she is a lot a pain from her last breakup with her BF that she didn't have a say in. But the guy didn't want to get married and have a family. And that is what she truly wants and its hard for her to see her friends getting married and having a children and doing family things.
But as you, J said, daughters are always going to find something wrong with their parents or the way they were raised.
Tina, interesting book you posted about. I really don't feel my sons have that much attachment to me, except for the one I lost. But maybe it is their anger or aloofness has come from me not being a totally a "normal" Mom after my one son's suicide. I was the one there for them all the while DH was beginning careers and spending time with other men instead of being home and spending more time with our children.
I think DD's frustration when we first started our existing business is that the we didn't do the fun things we use to because our time and freedom was sucked up by making the business succeed. Plus DH did have a brain tumor before that time that was giving him problems for quite some time until finally it was about to take his life.
Anyway, I'm glad J, you started the Diary on StressCenter.com and that we get good advice from the experienced and wise Tina.
And J, I'm really enjoyed reading about your DD's preschool and that you had a lot of fun there.
Paislee 
But as you, J said, daughters are always going to find something wrong with their parents or the way they were raised.
Tina, interesting book you posted about. I really don't feel my sons have that much attachment to me, except for the one I lost. But maybe it is their anger or aloofness has come from me not being a totally a "normal" Mom after my one son's suicide. I was the one there for them all the while DH was beginning careers and spending time with other men instead of being home and spending more time with our children.
I think DD's frustration when we first started our existing business is that the we didn't do the fun things we use to because our time and freedom was sucked up by making the business succeed. Plus DH did have a brain tumor before that time that was giving him problems for quite some time until finally it was about to take his life.
Anyway, I'm glad J, you started the Diary on StressCenter.com and that we get good advice from the experienced and wise Tina.
And J, I'm really enjoyed reading about your DD's preschool and that you had a lot of fun there.
Paislee -
tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Doubt how wise I am but have lived my life, somehow kept things together and have had these incredible 3 years of exploring and learning that have brought me to a place I could never have imagined.
The tragedy in your life, P, probably cannot help but affect everyone. The only way to look at it (in my uninformed mind) is with compassion for everyone. I doubt anyone can emerge unscathed from such a tragedy, including probably DD.
I had my issue with daughter. How I managed to rise to the occasion is startling to me to this day. But plenty like her commit suicide, become alcoholics, or lost souls. In fact, one of her close friends committed suicide. Life is a struggle and suffering. Why make it harder for them? Tiger mom would want those achievements. I look for a sense of peace within.
The tragedy in your life, P, probably cannot help but affect everyone. The only way to look at it (in my uninformed mind) is with compassion for everyone. I doubt anyone can emerge unscathed from such a tragedy, including probably DD.
I had my issue with daughter. How I managed to rise to the occasion is startling to me to this day. But plenty like her commit suicide, become alcoholics, or lost souls. In fact, one of her close friends committed suicide. Life is a struggle and suffering. Why make it harder for them? Tiger mom would want those achievements. I look for a sense of peace within.